kerpingtack: cute drawing of japanese candy: pink blue white (bauble crie)
counting at war ([personal profile] kerpingtack) wrote2014-12-02 12:34 am
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bricked castle

I'm so exhausted and that's my excuse!

Everything hurts because everything is hurtful. I'm reading this fic series and I honestly hate Steve in it so much. I was thinking about what about that is so thrilling, to hate a character in a fic instead of hating the characterization or the fic itself. But I stopped suddenly because I didn't want to think about this Steve at all anymore. I don't want to hear about people with the best intentions doing all the wrong things, assuming, only able to press their vision of the world flat against everyone else, and so understandable, so human. It's hard. And my pain is so mundane, it's finally become boring even to me. It's not evidence of anything. It vouches for neither my character or my incompetency. I just want to stop feeling it.

The foster kitten is crying, crying, crying in the room. Her voice is so squeaky. It's not from pain, she just wants to be let out. All the things we can't do for her although we want to. It's not for her own good. It's just trying to balance all the different things going on, so many different needs, picking the scenario with the least drawbacks. There is so little you can do for anything.