kerpingtack: dolphin cow jumping out of the water together as you do (omg.)
just for my own reference: things to listen to while knitting!! 

- Simon Amstell's Numb
- This American Life's A Little Bit of Knowledge
- This American Life's Neighbors
- Julie Klausner podcast
- WTF podcast
- Terry Gross's interviews with Fred Rogers 

kerpingtack: little nemo in slumberland panel: toy animals escaping ark (iron cage!!)
LOL I have 498 SHINee fics bookmarked. What on earth! It really only takes one thing for me to save a link. I have to organize them somehow. At the moment when I try to look for a fic I just type in likely keywords and hope my brain is wired the same way as when I first bookmarked it.

My finals are done but I still have papers to write. Dear lord will these trials and tribulations never end??

I swear I'm gonna kill something if they put Jonghyun in another vest. He looks so stupid in these Japan photoshoots. Stupid with occasional moments of COMPLETE FRESH-FACED PERFECTION. Ugh they're all being sooo idiotically cute in these shoots. So many piles!! Piles of boys!! Piles of cute!!

Do they get to dress themselves on Immortal Song 2? Does that mean that glittery tank top Jonghyun wore for his showcase was his? Oh god he is seriously the gift that keeps on giving.

LOL giant 50+ chapter vampire AU series and I'm just going through each part Ctrl+F'ing "jonghyun." I don't have time for vampires okay, I just want to read about him being snarky and/or crying or whatever he's doing in every ten chapters of this thing. From what I can tell though, Jonghyun is too fucking good for anyone else in this story. This is really not that biased of an opinion! Usually he is an intolerable asshole in these sorts of things but here he is literally the best of them all. Onew is such a dick to him in this lol >>:(((( Also my god what is it about Jessica, people will drag her into their fics ALL THE TIME. It's alright here but usually it's terrible and stupid.

I don't think I'm particularly pretentious. I'm sentimental though.

You guys I love Jongho sooo muuuuchhhhh I will legit read anything for them. It's so bad.

I have been trying to quash an immutable tide of panic for the past like three weeks. I am letting go of my GPA; it's already fucked. I just have to pass these classes. I JUST HAVE TO PASS THESE CLASSES. ;~~~; Ugh why am I so fucking stupid. My life is cratered with failures upon failures and I seriously can't do anything right. Oh well. I JUST HAVE TO PASS.

[giant sad bastard paragraph excised]

Ugh lol goddamn my lj has legit been split 50/50 between SHINee spazzing and sad bastard feelings. The two sided coin of my life these days. I mean, I say all this stuff on my own behalf and for my own benefit. But what does it really do? What does anything do. I wish I had more to talk about. I make my life such shit for myself.

I really do feel like there's a lot of love to be had in the world, and love is a choice that people must continually make.* I think that's why I'm so mystified by all the hate and negative energy in fandom and why I react so strongly against it. It just seems like such a contrived, deliberate choice to be hateful and condescending. Maybe also because fandom is supposed to be pure escapism for me. Real life is already terrible, and unavoidably so. Why do people have to invent more reasons to be angry and shitty when they don't have to beeeee. But lol at the same time I know that I choose to become butthurt and offended and worked up over shitty comments instead of ignoring them and getting on with my life. idk why it's so much easier to legitimate negative thoughts/feelings when love is the more difficult choice, and hate is harder to live with.
*placeholder reference: I know it's from [ profile] ranalore but I don't remember the post. ahhh my creeper anime days were so profitable
edit @ 6:44 am this post! I think it can apply in the general. like specific applications of love can't be chosen (you can't force yourself to like shit you just don't like) but I think love in the abstract is a choice, to say whether you'll be receptive and open or not, to pursue and indulge and enjoy or to dismiss or be ashamed or be in name only. insert scrubs quote on couples who make it because they fight for their love in the face of the same problems as the couples who don't make it. feelings are involuntary, actions are not, etc. why the fuck did I make this sound so dry. and fuck grammar omg
kerpingtack: police frog doodle (copper)
Goddamnit why do I always take negative comments seriously? I actually thought Jonghyun would sound like shit on the SM the Ballad cover of Sorry Sorry and I was all ~:(((( his poor voice wat will become of him~ but what the fuck, he sounds fine. His lower range, like, exists in that song and everything. Seriously do not get why people are always bitching about him. Like those Onew fans who butt in to say how much better Onew would be at whatever Jonghyun is doing. wtf Jonghyun is so fucking harmless and easy to ignore if you really dislike him ~that~ much (SM the Ballad is like his first solo activity ever); leave him alone. <-- so much self-restraint not to caps+!!!!+Chris Crocker the fuck out of this sentence

Just, wrrrrry?? How can anyone hate him??? LOOK AT THIS CUTE HIPSTER PIECE OF SHIT



I don't know when to stop talking: I do worry about his voice though. All the high/long parts he's been getting since Juliette has been wearing his voice out. Jonghyun's little aside in the GQ interview about how he thinks that your voice (as a main vocalist I'm assuming) doesn't improve because of how often and continuously you have to use it is just so D:-inducing. He still sounds good but I wish I could hear his voice be stronger and fuller like it was in the early days, if only so I know that he can actually still sing like that and that it's not gone. I'm ~concerned~ about all the Gayo Daejuns (end of the year music show specials) and their Japan showcases and their first concert being crammed within like a two week period. I hope he conserves his energy and doesn't blow out his voice but he's so hyper and he's already been committing a lot to the SMTB songs and and and. Jonghyunnnnnn. ;__; I don't think that his voice has legit degenerated (I think he sounds better singing Wheesung's Insomnia now (~upgraded version~), even as an imitation of Wheesung lol, than he did last year or whenever) but it's being used weirdly (I like the way he sang Jungyup's First Time back then better than the way he sang it on the radio in October). Just. JONGHYUNNNNNNNNNNNN. ;___;

Also I'm back hoam for the holidays! It's properly winter here (when we left LA the high was 80 degrees, SERIOUSLY) but even so it's not that cold. Honestly I wouldn't mind if the world ended in 2012.
kerpingtack: green glass window installations (treatment)






okay, done.

blue moon )


Nov. 17th, 2010 03:41 pm
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (call it freedom in an old age)
This is kind of scary. I didn't actually think my bullshit twitter thoughts would ever be relevant. I don't think twitter is causing the passivity, for the record, it's a general diffusion of responsibility/bystander effect thing, I guess? And I think the twittering is in some part just people falling back to a familiar action when they're not sure what else to do, bounded rationality and all that. But it LOOKS really heartless. Holy shit, just taking pictures of that guy dying, wtf. Without twitter and other social media technology/platforms (camera phone/youtube) there wouldn't be this immediate need to record and package shit for others. I think everyone has this instinct, but it's just totally enabled now. It's how I am with lj and before that, xanga. Without the immediacy or whatever of the platform, I wouldn't think of certain things in terms of blog entries or more generally in anticipation of how to say it to others, because there wouldn't even be a ~cognitive~ option that it could be said to others. Just for myself, I know a majority of the stuff I say on lj would never have even have been a formed thought if it I couldn't ramble it out through blogging. That shit right there, for example. Hella reflexive.

I don't know how bad this inherently is. Actually I guess it is intensifying complacency/passivity or... distance in people. When you're writing or texting or recording something you're already separated from the situation. Your mind is not there anymore, you're not an active agent. And you're kind of co-opting the experience? It becomes you reporting on the thing, not the thing itself? I don't really know. Anyway it's pretty fucking terrible.

Also, I like Bill Nye. He seems like good people.


Nov. 9th, 2010 12:28 am
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
I fucking forfeit this day.





oh no no no

Jan. 8th, 2010 04:08 am
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)
omg one of the lights in the room just went out and it made a scary sound and I'm all D: because I am a mature 21-yr-old adult!!!!!!!!

Plus I'm all a bit weepy because I re-listened to the Babysitting episode of This American Life and the story from the Moth about the woman who meets the other woman with the cigarettes. *super evocative descriptorrrr* Sometimes This American Life is too douchetastic for words but sometimes it is really really really good or really really interesting so it's nice to hold out for those.

Act 3 of Babysitting
Act 2 of Middle of the Night

You can has listen to the whole thing on their website or uh *couf* if you want to download them *couf couf*... Both of the full episodes are good but those particular sections kill me, in the best, most Caulfieldian sense. There's such a good-ness in people sometimes, such a natural empathy sometimes, it kind of hurts. Life's so hard but the warmth of it is amazing. I am soppy and inarticulate.

I really love this song yo. *points up... down... wherever the 'music' line is on the page*

ALL I've been doing for the past week is
i. reading the Greenwood manga
ii. transferring my music from my old laptop
iii. playing that fucking Zuma game
and iv. now listening to TAL.
i. I love Here is Greenwood, it's so charming and funny. HAY GUESS WHO MY FAVORIT CHARACTER IS: MITSURU BICUZ I'M HELLLLLA E-Z AND SHALLOW. There's a big chunk of volume 2 missing in the version I'm reading, which made me feel crazy because I CLEARLY remembered those chapters and they are just not there!! Also, Nasu Yukie is a really great short story writer.

ii. It's taking forever. I'm trying to get My System right, so all these folders within folders and figuring out how to format my filenames and mixes/playlists... I only have 7 GB (out of like 27) transferred so far.


iv. goddamnit I already gave you some links

why am i awake :(((((((((


Dec. 10th, 2009 12:19 am
kerpingtack: sarah with a fine moustache (sarah thinks you look ridiculous)

I don't find the actual creepypasta stories scary* (there are a lot of "you have to do this and this" and that makes me go OH OKAY I'M COOL THEN BECAUSE I WILL NEVER EVER EVER IN A GAZILLIDRON YEARS DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT and that makes me safe yo) but the sheer amount of weird/fucked up things concentrated into one post like that starts to make me scared of everything. It makes you go too far into your own head. And that's not even counting personal scary stories. I nearly died reading this. ;____________;

*Though this one is damn good:
It has been reported that some victims of rape, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not WAKE UP. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren’t being raped. The only way that they realized they needed to WAKE UP was a note they found in their fantasy world. It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to WAKE UP. Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and PLEASE WAKE UP

+ the best creepypasta ever
Somewhere in West Philadelphia, you will find an old basketball court with a single ball lying in the middle. Pick it up and start shooting hoops. After a while, a small group of hooligans will approach you and challenge you to a fight, which you must accept.

After the fight, you must go home and relay the events to your mother. She will then inform you that you have an aunt and uncle living in one of the districts of Los Angeles, and out of fear, she will send you to live there for an indefinite period of time.

With your bags packed, go to the street corner, and whistle for a cab. The cab that will pull up will bear the word FRESH on the license plate, and upon closer inspection, novelty fuzzy dice will hang in the mirror. Although you will suddenly realize that cabs like these are extremely hard to find, do not bear any thought to it. At this point you MUST point out in front of the car and say ‘Yo homes to Bel Air’. You will stop in front of a mansion, and it will be sometime between 7 and 8 o’clock, even though it will feel like you’ve been traveling mere seconds. Get your luggage out and say ‘Yo homes, smell ya later!’, but do NOT turn back to face the cabby. Walk up to the door, look over your shoulder once, and then knock on the door three times.

If you follow these instructions, your life will get flip-turned upside-down.

- One night man is riding mule down dirt road. Young woman stands on side of road, calls out for ride home. Is very cold in Soviet winter. Man takes off coat and puts it on back of mule. Girl is also cold. Man gives her sack of turnip for to wear. Girl is much thankful for ride home.

Next morning man realize it is day for buying turnip at market, and girl still has sack. He goes to her house. No girl is there, only father. He says daughter died in salt mines ten years ago night before. Man returns to mule, turnip sack is on back of mule.


- You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.

No footprints in snow. It was reflection. You dullard!

Your apartment is bulldozed down to make way for glorious tractor factory.

- Somewhere in West Vladivostok, you will find a frozen pond with a pair of ice skates lying in the middle. Put them on and begin skating. After a while, a small group of Capitalists will approach you and challenge you to a revolution, which you must begin.

After the revolution, you must go home and relay the events to Comrade Lenin. He will then inform you that you have an aunt and uncle living in one of the districts of Moscow, and out of loyalty to his motherland, he will send you to live there for an indefinite period of time.

With no personal possessions because ownership is the capitalist's way, go to the station and await a train. The train that will pull up will bear the word FREEDOM on the side, and upon closer inspection, a bust of Stalin will hang in the window. Although you will suddenly realize that cabs like these are extremely decadent and capitalistic in nature, do not bear any thought to it. At this point you MUST salute the comrade in the front of the train and say ‘Yo comrade, to Moscow’. You will stop in front of a mansion, and there will be somewhere between 7 and 8 other families living there, even though it will be a privilege to share your home with fellow comrades. Get off of the train and say ‘Yo comrade, smell ya later!’, but do NOT turn back to face the conductor. Walk up to the door, salute your motherland once, and then knock on the door three times.

If you follow these instructions, your imperialism will get flip-revolted upside down

- You are diligent worker at Soviet Administration office working at night. The Soviet Copy Machine begins working like good Soviet worker. You go to Soviet Copy Machine and see many Soviet copies in the Soviet tray. It is picture of you dead in chair. The other pictures are also of you dead but taken from more Soviet angles.

There is no original picture in the copy machine. In fact, the machine has been out of toner for a week. SOVIET COPY MACHINES WORK OVERTIME FOR GOOD OF CAUSE.

- Once I hear story about girl in Chaplygin. She was asleep in her bed, when she feel lick on her hand. She thinks it is dog and goes to sleep. Next morning, she finds note on dresser with dead head of dog. It says "Capitalists can lick too." She screams.

The girl was sent for re-education in Estonia, her parents sent to labor in Siberia. One must always be watchful and never let American spies into one's house.

You are making love to your sister when your telephone rings.

It is your father. He says "What are you doing with daughter?"

You tell your sister and she says "Our father died four years ago, now go get our children from the nuclear power plant right now!"

But if our father was dead.

Who was telephone.


+ everyone who was all FUCK YOU at people who posted scarring pictures. FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


Yeah sorry that my posts have been 1000% ontd-related lately. I've been feeling kind of whacked out and this is how I'm dealing with it~!!
kerpingtack: green glass window installations (treatment)
Fuck idk, being a woman is hard business. This post on Christian Louboutin's Barbie fuckery is amazing and super-fun (especially these threads), but still depressing. It really hit home for me that these designers hate women. Fucking BARBIE?? What kind of fucked up narcissistic enclosure do you have to be in to look at a children's toy and actually THIN a body part so it will fit your stupid toy shoe?? Message: it's unacceptable for the design to change. Damn straight you're going to change to fit the design. You're not the one working against all those size zero cows all the time, let alone that fat bitch Barbie. Oh my god. What other motive is there besides wanting to reduce women's bodies? The clothes are like specifically designed to warp women's natural bodies. And I hate how people try to dress up the misogyny as art. If all you want is art, draw a fucking picture or something, don't go into an industry that involves REAL WOMEN and their bodies. That's so fucking scary. They've got a lot of money and respect and power and goddamn if they're not going to create a demand for fucking aliens to fill their clothes. It's like they want to destroy women until they're not recognizably human, thin them out until no one can see anything but a THING with clothes, until everyone can see women as they see women.

And then I started feeling really scared for ~future generations (because I'm lamecore). It feels DANGEROUS to be a young girl now. I mean, it always has been, but that doesn't make it any easier. So many things are poised to tell her that she's wrong for the world, that if she goes above the standard she's a bitch and if she goes below she's a whore and if she fits it, well what can you expect out of a woman anyway? She was asking for it, it's not a big deal, it's just a joke, men have it hard too, you're already equal so stop bitching. If I have kids... if my sister does, my cousins, it's just so sad and scary. The one good thing is that children are really strong. You gotta believe girls will be alright if you don't want to turn your life over to despair.

In terms of Barbie: I played with Barbies when I was little. I still remember the name of my favorite one, Charlene (LOL). It didn't specifically affect my body image because it was obvious that she was not supposed to look like me and I was never going to look like her. I didn't have angst about it either, or at least none that I can remember. In retrospect it's kind of weird that most of the Korean girls I knew, including my sister, cousin, and me, all doted on our blonde Barbies and loved playing with them. I mean we could've gotten the ~ethnic Asian Barbie but none of us did, we all had standard white and the brunettes. There were also some Korean 'Barbie' type dolls but I didn't like them. They didn't even look Asian; they looked like a wonky knock-off of the standard white Barbie, but it was Korean and therefore weird and therefore embarrassing. I think I resented feeling like I had to be all matchy-matchy with my doll, like I'm Asian so obviously I must play with the Asian One. Also I didn't think the Asian one was as pretty as the standard white one. I've gotten over that now though. I don't know what my point is in this paragraph, just saying that durrr Barbiez are whitezors.

googling "Barbie alternatives"
Groovy Girls forum
ask a femenist mom
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
LOLOL I'm enjoying my life so much right now because I've discovered the ontd tumblr (I hate the way people reblog on tumblr without giving credit but tumblrs themselves are so useful).

AND LOLOLOLxONE MILLION, JENSEN ACKLES GOT ENGAGED!!!! AHAHAHAHAH OMG, HOW DID THE INTERNET NOT EXPLODE? It happened like a month ago! I can't believe I didn't know about this. SPN shockwaves are usually large and annoying!! Ahaha even if it wouldn't fuck over a billion crazy fans, I love them together. They are both pretty and cute and nice! Make it work, you crazy kids.

kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
I think the concept of having a LIFESTYLE depends on liking specific things, especially if they're specific things in specific brands. Like, oh, I only use so-and-so soap from whatever company to wash my toenails and I will only eat at these restaurants blah blah. What kind of lifestyle corresponds with drinking one bottle of grapefruit Sierra Mist a day??

Actually upon a close and thorough re-reading, the above paragraph makes no sense. Shockku!!!!

I hate nablopomo. It's a tease, seeming like an easy way to gain a sense of accomplishment when really -- really! -- it's just irritating.

So I found about Songs to Wear Pants to yesterday and tis cool. My favorites are Superman v. Spiderman for obvious reasons and Hidden Camera Show because I am sappy and I love the letter the guy wrote. And We Are Robot Pirates! I never got, and never will get, the appeal of pirates, just like I DO NOT understand why people have ANY OPINION AT ALL about vampires, but lol this is pretty well-done. "[Polly] helps to defend our ship from many attackers -- Who's your biggest enemy? Computer hackers!!" Also impressive: This Girl (excellent burn), Shoot the Zombies (nails the prompt 100%), and Celtic Techno Burrito (q: what the fuck does Celtic techno sound like? a: this song).

JJB is sick AGAIN. What on earth is wrong with his immune system? He roped me into playing a Yu-Gi-Oh (what an annoying fucking name) duel with him. He's all toned down and sadly endearing when he's sick, I couldn't yell NO and hold him upside down like I normally would. He beat me soundly, of course, and it's not just because the game makes no fucking sense to me and I have no interest in winning. He's got skillz. He beats all the older boys at church. Confession: I went through a brief Yu-Gi-Oh (the show) phase in high school. Yeah I was a weirdo. My favorite character is Jounouchi because he's the best!! And his name is fun to say. (In addition to pirates and vampires, I will also NEVERRRRR understand the appeal of the Seto Kaiba type. You see them everywhere in anime/manga and they're always popular with the ladiezzzzz. I literally cannot comprehend how they are attractive.)

I still haven't talked to San Francisco guy (codename: Chef Boyardee), haw haw haw. I keep saying that I definitely will yet I have little to no resolve to actually do this. It's like writing an essay, or studying for a test! Fuck man, why do people have to be so scary and terrifying? Why couldn't we just email for another month or two AND THEN acknowledge that the other person exists in the corporeal world?? Noooooo it has to be phone calls and webcam and 'hay come to San Francisco.' And he STILL has the nerve to expect 'prompt' replies!! YOU DON'T GET BOTH, MAN. I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE AND I HATE BEING EXPECTED TO REPLY RIGHT AWAY. graaaaarrrrrr no. NO! Also webcam is fucking awkward if you've never met the person in real life so I hate that too.

I am going to die alone.
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)
Here is an old-fashioned running commentary of whatever bullshit post!

You have to be in a very very very specific mood to listen to Low. At least that's how it is for me.

I'm rewatching a bunch of communitychannel videos. I really love her, like to the point where I would love to BE her: Australian accent, awesome hair, nice legs (b/c I'm a creeper), art major, hella talented, and a TRULY ADMIRABLE gift for your mom jokes. I think she's so pretty and funny and just seems like a great frond to have. And she reads all the comments and is all considerate and nice and stuff and awwwww and everything, everything!CUZ SHE'S REAL YOU KNOW, MAN

Most recent video:

Aaand an oldie but goodie:
kerpingtack: green glass window installations (treatment)
I don't look at a lot of Real Person fanart because the potential for embarrassment is way too high for me. But, oh, sometimes blindly clicking links pays off like the fucking lottery.

flickr set


It is just SO SUPER CHARMING and amazing, I want to wallpaper the room with them or something. !! in my Champ/Fabto has such affection for them and a sense of who they are and s/he captures their expressions perfectly. Even when they're drawn in bear suits (PAULAR BEARRRRRRR). I love the little offhand stories/captions the pictures come with. SO. SUPER. CHARMING. I quite love it when you can get a sense of the person by looking at how and what they draw and I just love the distinctness of his/her vision of the Beatles, how much personal affection there is to draw George as a cenataur and John as an odalisk and all four of them as the heads in Mount Rushmore. <3___<3 And I love the COYNESS of some of the drawings, though their bodies aren't sexualized (of course, the matter-of-factness makes it more attractive). Okay that sentence didn't make any sense. LOL WHATEVER, LOLIBAIT GEORGE. And their beautiful graphite hairs... omg it's all in pencil, I don't even know. OMG. What the hell do they put in the water in Japan, seriously. SERIOUSLY. AGHHHH THE LINES, THE LINES.

Hayashi-kata (amaaaazing)
WDGY press conference
Head massage
3 Beatles and a baby
Ringo walks his dog
George as a timpanist (Miami short shorts!!)
John wearing a toilet seat
Yellow submarine ocarina
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (call it freedom in an old age)
The subject line ^ was the title of an "article" from some trashy celebrity gossip site. It was a bunch of pictures of Evangeline Lilly carrying a surfboard. Her arm wasn't long enough to hold it securely so I guess she had to keep readjusting her hold? I'll always remember it because LOL WTF, what a weird fucking thing to say about somebody. Let alone put together an "article" for.

Still no internet in my room. LE SIGH. I'm on campus right now, flying on AirBears~ (<-- name of Berkeley's wireless network. No, I'm not joking.)

I'm pretty drained. These past two weeks have been rough as hell.

I watched Joshua on Friday. UMMM YOU SHOULD EXPECT TERRIBLE THINGS FROM THIS MOVIE. It was seriously bad-feeling-making. I was kind of distraught at the ending. The feeling of D: stayed with me for a long time, and I started thinking about it last night and got all creeped out and had to think about, like, pillows shaped like cats to wash the taste off my brain. Why the fuck does Sam Rockwell have to be so endearing?! AGH.

I also watched the first three episodes of Flight of the Conchords, season 2. The show's a lot tighter this time around. The humor is sometimes a bit broader too. LOLOL I love Murray. And Bret is still insanely attractive to me. His t-shirts have gotten even uglier. <3___<3

Yesterday I had an EPIIIIC camwhoring session with like 60+ photos. Key words for discussion: seeking attention, vanity, internet culture, physical appearances, fake modesty. By now I can recognize that I am not physically ugly, but I don't think I'm pretty. I think I can look pretty. This "can" vs. "be" distinction has been a big issue for me lately. I was thinking about JJB last week and how my sister and I are always yelling at him to stop being annoying (because omg HE IS SO FING ANNOYING SOMETIMES) and I was all worried that it might be crushing his spirit and whatnot. So I told him something like "JJB, you CAN be annoying, but you yourself are not annoying. It's hard to change the things you are, but you can change things you can be. Sorry for yelling so much. :<" Yeah I didn't make much sense. I don't think JJB quite got it either. But we hugged and it was coo'. ANYWAAAY: I think I can look pretty, which is what enables me to camwhore and put the photos up for other people to see. It's about constructing a positive image of yourself as secretly and selectively as possible. If I thought that I was pretty, or conversely, that I was fug, I wouldn't do this shit. But I'm in that space where I'm still not SURE and am desperately seeking validation. Like "haha, I look dumb and terrible, but not as dumb and terrible as I did in the 50 pictures I deleted, so yes, these are the acceptable pictures of me! Ahaha they're still cute right, and you don't hate me for ~showing off too much beauty~ and complaining about it, right? RIGHT?? OMG PLS THINK I'M PRETTY. PLS LIKE ME!!!!" Umm yeahhhh. >__> Camwhoring is about insecurity!

I tried starting a picspam of Beatles Hitching Their Legs Up Awkwardly High (a trend spotted by [profile] fitz_carraldo's keen eye) but apparently I don't have any such pictures?? *rolls up sleeves* Time to hunt.

Yahoo: "Obama's cool may be melting. The president's icy glamour is starting to wear off, and the White House is getting feisty."
Seriously, who writes these things? Isn't Yahoo one of the biggest websites in the world? Wat?

Ahhhh there's a post on ableism and using the word "lame." I've been trying to curb my usage of "lame" and other words like it for a while now. (Operating on my general rules of thumb that a) it's not okay to assume that words aren't hurtful just because they're used a lot and their social meanings aren't discussed; and b) if you're not part of the original group the word was meant for, you can't reclaim it (paraphrasing Jay Smooth.)) It is really hard though! Ableism is so engrained in our language, it is pretty ridic. Probably because ableism is quite overlooked/invisible? :< Okay, I'm renewing my commitment to stop being an asshole. There are a lot of really useful substitutes suggested in that link.

Fuck man I've been dying these past two weeks. I didn't know I had anything left to get kicked out from under me but I guess I do. It's pretty hard to learn that you can't rely on anyone. I think the difference between "on your own" and "alone" is in ability. Three guesses on which side I fall on, hurr hurr. I am throwing a pity party over here. Ugh, right, let's move on.

Obligatory Beatles-y mention:
(wrt Paul's recent concert in Halifax)
That concert was epic. There were just as many people on the streets and sidewalks and the Citadel as there were on the Common, open liquor everywhere, cars stopped with their four-ways on in the middle of the road, and the police seriously did not give a fuck about any of it. Paul McCartney/Halifax = OTP.
AWW. I love the shit out of that kind of stuff.
(I wonder if my blogging etiquette is okay? Is copy+pasting comments cool? I operate on "well they're never going to find out" but this is the internet, you can never really be certain of that. Mmmmm oh well, they're never going to find out!)


I am cliiiiiiiiiiinging. I don't have anything left to check, do, or say on the internet but I don't want to go back to my sad, internetless room. It smells like sweat and feet. :(
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
I am so bloated and full and I cannot stop eating. I think my ankle is messed up FOREVER. ARGUHHH.

I watched a few clips from Across the Universe today. I still object to its, like. EXISTENCE. Some parts of it are AGGRESSIVELY ANNOYING because of how fucking dumb it is. If I wanted to glaze my eyes in a sauce made out of stupid, I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT, ACROSS THE UNIVERSE MOVIE. Also, Evan Rachel Woods is a sack of nothing with a face of nothing. What a black hole of mediocrity.

To be fair, part of why I think this movie is so irritating are the fans who hella cream themselves over it. You know. "ATU is the BEST MOVIE EVER! It is sooo moving! I didn't even KNOW who the Beatles were before it/The songs are BETTER than the originals!" Oh lord. Anyway, consensus seems to be that the film is uneven at best, so there were a few cool parts. (That were inevitably ruined by obnoxious dialogue and obnoxious people.) Though I didn't personally like the style that much, the movie was very visually inventive and uhh... choreographed. I liked the use of conveyor belts! And the wordless Day in the LIfe. I've Just Seen a Face was super charming. I Want to Hold Your Hand was sort of very lovely and sweet. And I could very well appreciate what they did with I Want You (She's So Heavy). Strawberry Fields Forever was stupid, but kinda cool. (But stupid.) I don't know. Bleh and blah.

My sister revisited Progressive Boink recently, so I checked in on it too. I totally forgot how fucking awesome they are. I LAUGHED SO HARD, SO MUCH AT THE SKY MALL SERIES. This makes me feel really good about 2008, even though 2008 personally sucked itself into a vacuum-sealed black hole for me. I still have a internet crush on Mike Fireball. Le side note, well-written movie reviews make me feel like I'm MISSING OUT on LIFE. LIFE!

I have 5317 songs/14 days/18.75 GB worth of music on my iTunes at the moment. My to-get music list remains hefty. D:
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)
The Beatles: Anthromorphology


kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (call it freedom in an old age)
Yesterday was kind of a shit day. I feel gross. I fell asleep without changing into pajamas or brushing my teeth because I was too tired to hobble-hop to the bathroom etc. Also the same reason why I haven't changed or brushed my teeth upon waking. Or eaten. Or done anything productive.

I wiped the fuck out on the sidewalk yesterday and three different people had to come help me up. It was really embarrassing. I felt like such a nuisance and a child all day. I kept jostling my casted foot. That can't be good.

And I saw Library Guy holding hands with this girl on the way out of the library. WHATEVER, I AM NOT GOING TO OBSESS ABOUT THIS. ANYMORE.

Finally, THE LAST BLOW, some fucking package from fucking Seattle sent AFTER neinstories sent hers, with the WRONG ADDRESS, got here. THAT package made it??? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CARE PACKAGE??? 

Okay whatever. I'm watching a Korean game show on youtube. LOL I love Korean game shows so fucking much.

I'm hungry but I'm too tired to get up. Whaaaaaat. This broken ankle shit is for the birds.

i like marx

May. 5th, 2009 05:36 am
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
This entry was started on Saturday when I was sadcat and finished today, when I am not so sadcat. Mm.

I was flipping through my bookmarks and came across something I had uh obviously forgotten about. As an addendum to my "rrgh twitter suxx" post: Color War 2008 which, instead of bitching about twitter, finds a way to make it an actual fun social space. Much more constructive. PS, Ze Frank is one of my most favorite People I Don't Actually Know in the world.

Anyway now I will continue bitching about everything. I have a very strange outlook on the world at this stage of my life. It's like pessimistic nihilism with a hair-trigger hard-on for the ~goodness of man and ~worth of life. Also I fetishize hope pretty hard. I am both desperate to and scared of Believing in people, myself, god, anything. It's a sum total of being a fuck-up and not knowing how to recover from things. Instead I'm just devastated all the time. ~Everyday is a risk I can't take because I don't know how to come back from it. It's self-perpetuating fear, yeah, but it's not unfounded. Like, I know my life is worse off for being scurred all the time but what's the alternative? Shit if there's one thing the past four years have taught me, it's that things can always ALWAYS get worse. 

The Lexabro's not working. Or worse, it IS working, but I'm so fucked-up and shitty that even with the help I'm still a mess. I'm a really sad person.

I guess I have opinions on X-Men! X2 is easily the best movie in the franchise. The new Wolverine movie looks kinda dumb. By kinda I mean shyeah. By shyeah I mean I wish I hadn't eaten the last cookie yesterday. Emma Frost does not look nearly as fabulous enough as she deserves. That was Twilight-level dazzle in the commercials. I will never ever ever understand the appeal of Taylor Kitsch. He is SUCH A BAD ACTOR. WHY DOES NO ONE MENTION THIS???? HE IS TERRIBLE. Also he is fug as hell. I don't understand anyone. Finally, if there is Cyclops in the movie, wherefore no James Marsden? I don't care if he is supposed to be teenager!Cyclops. James Mraaarrrrrrrrrrrsdennnnnn. *__* Man I wish I was more into comic books. 

I went to Fridge's cousin's birthday party on Saturday and got a bit drunk. I don't think I did anything embarrassing but I feel embarrassed anyway. I feel like I am overflowing with want and that everyone can see it. I am neeeeeeeeeeedy. But also, I hate people. It's a tricky situation. For example, I hella wanted (male) attention even though the party was filled with condescending bastards. Tip, you cannot tell jokes to condescending bastards because they will take you seriously and be all "LOL did you JUST say that? THIS GIRL IS SOOO DRUNK." Fuck you, douchebag, I was using my sarcastic voice.

So afterward I missed the last step whilst walking back to the apt and rolled my ankle. Trying to take care of it was a bitch and a half; it took all day today since the medical center isn't open on the weekends. Very convenient, that. It turns out that I fractured the tip of my left fibula. The brace/cast felt like sex when they put it on, omg, soooo comforting. Crutches are hard fucking work. It took me 45 minutes to walk back to the apt when it usually takes 15 minutes and by the end of it I was so tired I could've cried. It was really humiliating and pathetic before I got the crutches though, because I couldn't put any weight on my foot so I seriously had to hop around from like bench to lamp post to side of a building etc. The worst part is that I'm not going to able to work with Library Guy anymore since I can't uh work in stacks. <-- creeper

Midterm was not good. Still don't have a research paper topic. I don't fucking care, I just want to get the fuck out. Even more so with this fracture nonsense.
kerpingtack: sarah with a fine moustache (sarah thinks you look ridiculous)
I think Everyone is entirely too interested in twitter. I guess the appeal is the instantaneity and the brevity? You can send out and get Very Important Information anytime anywhere, and it doesn't take a long time! (Or effort, or thought, or the question, "Am I being annoying as balls?") And I guess you can see everyone's conversation with each other? That is also the appeal? Question mark? I think twitter is narcissistic bullshit. Lord knows I love the internet but it really does fuel people's self-absorbtion. (*pets LJ*) Maybe I just don't understand this CONSTANT UPDATE process. I am never going to be so far up someone's ass care so much about a person that I need IMMEDIATE reports on their activity all throughout the day. And vice versa, what the hell do I need to update people all the time for? My life already bores myself. I do admit that the idea of twitter is kinda cool, being able to mass communicate with people at any point, all moment-to-moment like. I suppose it can be useful in sort of crisis situations but uhhh in application it's not. Ahaha, example, guy thinks someone broke into his house; twitters instead of calling police.

But actually I don't have a huge problem with the updating thing. I play around with the status update option on facebook too. It doesn't have to be annoying or a 24-7 vanity project; it can be informative and people can make it funny and shit. Some people's twitters are hella amusing! It's ~how you use it. I guess I'm just protesting the extent twitter takes this and what that Represents. Because that's THE WHOLE SITE. That's ALL it is. WTF?? And it's been co-opted by The Man as a viral marketing tool and it's growing in popularity.

Y'know, young feller-me-lad, I've always been worried that I was livin' one degree of separation away from actual life, like watching it as a movie, not something happening to me. I wasn't ~experiencing it because I was either busy trying to remember it like AS IT WAS HAPPENING or I just felt removed from it already. So I'm more interested in ~reflecting about life than living it. This seems to be a bigger trend, though prolly not for the same reasons. Like people are at a divide from Life in Real Time, with technology as the intermediary. Example, people at live concerts watch the performance through their digital cameras (don't get me wrong, as someone who never gets to go to concerts, I am grateful for this). Or, a la Demetri Martin, digital cameras allow you to remininsce instantly. "*click* Aw, look at us. We were so young then..." You also get the odd pretentious duck who do things SPECIFICALLY so they can blog about it. Sometimes it's about sharing the experience and contributing to a community, which is cool. Sometimes it's just rampant rampant egocentricism, which is gross. Look at me! Then if someone reveals themselves as an audience member (b/c everyone is invisible on the internets until you say something), it becomes look at us! The internet has allowed us to have all these experiences and performances in public. Twitter really made this idea of public conversations obvious for me, because it looks like you can't really reply DIRECTLY to a person, not like in LJ or even facebook. You have to do that @name shit in public. To everyone. It's right there on your page all the time! When I first saw that I was like... why didn't they just text them? What's the difference? The difference is now other people could see that conversation. This REALLY weirds me out in terms of celebrity twitters (DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND HOW THE INTERNET WORKS, YOU ARE ATTRACTING CREEPERS EVERYWHERE CELEBRITIES! BE MOAR PRIVATE!!). I mean people have always liked doing activities for the sake of being seen doing that activity but the distribution? capacity now is hellza unlimited. Your audience is potentially HUGE and you don't get to pick who it is, with twitter. (I don't think? I don't know about privacy settings over there.) Also the tturnover rate between doing and being seen is fucking ridiculous now. It's collapsed in on each other; you report what you're doing basically AS you're doing it. I've been scared of that happening for me personally, because I think that it would close me off from other people in a bubble of self-absorbed apathy. Everything becomes a performance to watch and comment upon, not a situation to engage in, because you're not really THERE. (edit: There used to be a link here, but I like completely changed my mind on rewatch and am puzz-puzz-puzzling over it. Okay useless edit is useless.)

Do social networking sites actually work? Like, does anyone actually take their facebook friends seriously? LOL. Okay I think social networking sites can succeed in creating meaningful connections but the appeal seems more about enabling the idea that lots of other people are being (forced to be) marginally interested in your life. "Follow me on twitter!" 


kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
counting at war

September 2017

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