kerpingtack: cute drawing of japanese candy: pink blue white (bauble crie)
lyrics for Tegan & Sara's Drove Me Wild, typed out over seven plays on loop. *^*

full disclosure: this song made me think of jjong at first lol hopeless i am hopeless )
kerpingtack: i'm a poseur about this i've only seen the cartoon twice (hepcat)
I just feel like posting!! Everyone ignore this. It is just me copy+pasting all my non-mentions, non-links from twitter today. (For the record, I am not really interested in One Direction; I just like lurking around people I lurked around in bandom, and using the group as a mirror for SHINee, and I like Zayn. boybandatron!!) 


wurr and turr )


OKAY ALSO the Postal Service (the band, not the actual postal service just btw) is making me feel old. I remember listening to Give Up in high school, junior year English specifically even, and now they are coming back with a new album, which is neat-o, except they said "TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY." WHAT THE FUCK, I didn't need to know that!!!! Just shut up and do your job, Postal Service!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't knitted at all today :c
kerpingtack: badly cropped deers drawn by a korean artist (nearly spring)
This took fucking forever. Life has been draining me of life!! I'm so tired all the time, idk. It's hard to get the momentum going for these nothing posts when I could just as well spam twitter but~ I really want to get back into the groove of things.

I don't even remember how to do this! I open this page and I just talk?? What about? What did I do before? I have no memory of anything. wtf did I even have thoughts in the past? Was I even alive??

Okay I'll just free-associate or something. LOL because otherwise I'm so orderly~

vintage whine aged in the finest crystal decanter )
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
It's the last week of the quarter now and the pressure is making my head cave in. I keep having all these surreal moments where I feel like I'm tilting out of my fucking life. I have so many fucking papers to write. omg why did I do this to myself again. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I still haven't gotten the incomplete grade from last quarter settled either. I am a master of self-sabotage.

Also my left hand keeps shaking. Why are you doing this to me body? TO US??

What happened to Daesung of Big Bang/what Daesung of Big Bang did (I'm still a little confused on what the fuck actually happened) is seriously one of things I'm most afraid of. I fucking hate driving.

I spent a while rereading old entries again. I really can never tell if I'm more wretched than I was then or less. I think I'm less like ~intellectually curious now, though that doesn't take much. I've closed up a lot and I'm really so fucking disenchanted with school and academia. It's tiring to like... think. Ahaha. Fuck shit I need to get my work done.

I went on a mini-death spiral of related videos on youtube. For some reason it turned into like a tour of mathematical kpop; I watched B2ST, 4minute, 2NE1, and f(x). I really like Hyuna! She's fun to watch not just for the obvious (hot) but because she looks comfortable and like she's actually enjoying herself when she dances, and that goes a long way towards ~me being comfortable and enjoying watching her. She's one of the girls in kpop that I think really owns her sexuality, or if not that, at least is comfortable with her body and its capacity to move. Like, she's not afraid of following through, like with using her hips all the way, etc. I also like Minzy, she's really cute. And all of f(x). Krystal and Jessica both have that weird ~it~ quality on-stage. (I'm quite prickly about comparing sisters but in this case I do think they have a similar presence.) Uh B2ST was really underwhelming. I admit that I have some stuff built against liking them though, like the fact that I don't find any of them attractive in the least, none of them have distinctive voices, and they have too many counts of cultural insensitivity/unnecessary fuckery associated with them, intentional or not (Kikwang's blackface itself and the band members' comments on it, refusing to wear kimonos in Japan, ). I don't really hold them accountable for those things but it's work to block it out. God I still live in terror of the possibility of my favorites revealing themselves to hold the fucked up normative views on race, gender, etc. THE BUBBLE MUST STAY PROTECTED ;~~~~~;

I LOVE SMTOWN'S LET'S GO ON A TRIP. The Korean word has like a connotation of vacationing/holidaying, idk, it makes it really really cute to me. And I love when a bunch of people are sining cheerfully together. (Caveat, also when they're at least trying to be in tune. I hate that joyless limp hipster indie twee shit.)

And I really really like SHINee's Scar. Is it not popular with the fandom or something? I never hear people talking about it. It's pretty damn good.

Finally caught up on Parks & Rec! LESLIE ;~; Leslie/Ben is cute and all but I think my favorite relationships on the show are Leslie/Ann and Leslie/Ron. And Ron/Parks dept. ahaha. UGH the ending of the uh second to last episode, omffffg SO PERFECT I was like clutching myself for dear life. Otherwise! Jean-Ralphio is a good example of how a perfectly executed character can become annoying with overexposure. Uhh Chris is also the other obvious example. LOL I'm really really annoyed with him and how the show is pushing him now. WHAT THE FUCK at that ~comforting the crying woman scene. My sister and I were like disgusted, lol. I really really hope they drop the Jerry bullying joke for the next season. They've already sort of toned it down from season 2 so I hope that continues. It's the only thing that honestly bothers me about the show. It's too reminiscent of the Office.

I know kpop is cute but why is the fic also so cute? LOL that's such a vapid way of phrasing it. I mean everything's really ~vanilla. You can really really tell the fandom is young by the fics. It's not necessarily bad but uhh sometimes it makes me forget how fics ~can be written. The fic isn't known for innovation or variety. Man I feel so crotchety when I complain about kpop ficdom. Ugh I've never been SO emotionally invested in a fandom like this before. I GUESS THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE LEGIT IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE FROM MANUFACTURED POP BANDS

LOL omg I haven't finished a new book in like two years. Besides children's books that JJB was also reading. Oh wait that's not true, I read the Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi last spring ahahaha. I'm so uncultured, I can't get into anything anymore. I'm really character-based too. I can't get through anything if I don't give a shit about the people I'm reading and so often books are about boring douchey people doing boring douchey things. It's not even realistic or anything, it's like stylized privileged boring douchiness. Listen I get enough of that in real life, fucking please do something else. This isn't news or anything, but that's why I read fic so much and why ~characterization is the most important to me. The best function of fic for me is that thing that one guy talked about (MY IMPECCABLE MEMORY) about how discussing the media is a way of extending the experience. It's an extension of my love for the people/media product itself. Oh god what the hell is this paragraph about. Fic is really valuable and interesting for a lot of reasons but personally it works for me because I'm already invested and I don't have to work to care. LOL EMOTIONAL LAZINESS

LOL just sitting here saving pictures from tumblr and listening to the Sound of Music soundtrack. Anything to avoid work.

sanguine

May. 27th, 2011 10:13 am
kerpingtack: badly cropped deers drawn by a korean artist (nearly spring)
Five songs my iPod shuffled for me yesterday. Good times!

Matthew Sweet - Sick of Myself
Marianne Rosenberg - How Can I Go Now*
Lilo & Stitch - Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride
The Jackson 5 - I Want You Back
Tegan & Sara - Soil, Soil
+ bonus: Ben Folds - Heist

*my mind is completely corrupted. for some mystifying reason (srsly if you listen to it you'll have no idea why, idk myself) I thought of Jonghyun during this song and my mind constructed this huge music video for him derpily dancing to this 70s eurodisco song and it became this ridiculous, like, celebration of him. just fucking hooray!! you exist!!
kerpingtack: police frog doodle (copper)
Yesterday I got my shit resolved wrt that goddamn appeal letter and graduating. AS IT TURNS OUT I didn't even need to write that letter or get documentation from my counselor at SPS or anything!! WOW SUPER GREAT. But yeah, suddenly my life is tracked really completely. I can be finished with college by the end of the summer, and I can legit walk in the ceremony in June.

I don't want to. I feel quite bitter towards UCLA and I don't like the idea of feeling alienated and bored and regretful for hours in the sun, surrounded by... people. If my mom wants me to, I will, but if she doesn't give a fuck, I'm just not going to. The only value it would have would be for closure, but since I'll have three more classes to take after it, it won't even be good for that.

The problem with me is that even how miserable I was here, how much I just don't like it... Like, I was walking around in the psychology building and thinking "gross, now the weirdly strong vanilla smell has mixed with someone's bowel movements." Walking in that cool stone stairwell, hand on the doorknob. I know myself, at least about this; I know that I'll miss this. Even this. I can already feel myself clinging. A simultaneous disgust and possessiveness over UCLA, the sad past self who existed here. I know I'll miss this. (This is the same part of me that makes me really love Katy Perry's Teenage Dreams. Goddamnit why is that song so emotionally effective??? "You - make - me, feel like I'm livin' a teen - age - dream," oh god.)

If I look back so far though it feels like everything was necessary. The only thing that could've made anything different would be if I was just a fundamentally different person. Like, there's no way I could've known anything then I know now, and there's no way I could've learned it. I've only been able to put my hand on the concrete idea of finishing college this quarter. What could be done? I was who I was who I am who I am. The exigencies of my soft dumb stupid self. 

Still, let me outline my perfect fantasy self:
Design major, Philosophy/Sociology double minor OR
Sociology major, Philosophy/Accounting double minor
(alt: Philosophy & Linguistics minor)

Pretending that UCLA offers a soash minor. No, my perfect fantasy self would have gone to Berkeley. idk if they have a soash minor there but fuck UCLA. My perfect fantasy self does not recognize how much I would fucking suck balls as Design or Philosophy; it is just fucking cool. God every Philosophy major I've met has been so fucking cool. Ungf.
kerpingtack: green glass window installations (treatment)
UGH LIFE IS SO STUPID RIGHT NOW

IT STARTED TO RAIN HARD AS FUCK WHEN I WAS WALKING FROM THE LIBRARY TO THE BUS STOP AND STOPPED AS SOON AS I GAVE UP AND WENT INSIDE A BUILDING AND THEN STARTED AGAIN AS SOON AS I WALKED BACK OUTSIDE

WHAT THE FUCK IS AN F DISTRIBUTION

I KNOW YOU TEST THE R^2 NULL HYPOTHESIS WITH IT BUT WHAT. IS. IT.

GAHHHHRRR WHY IS EVERYONE SO EAGER TO HATE ON JONGHYUN I'M NOT IMMUNE TO IT YET, IT'S TIRING TO HAVE TO IGNORE IT AGHHHH

AND WAT'S WRONG WITH TUMBLR

okay, done.

blue moon )
kerpingtack: police frog doodle (copper)
SO this past two days INSTEAD OF:
reading
trying to understand statistical regression
doing any of my statistics work
catching up on my sociology of mass media notes

I:
thought about the Beatles
saved another 200 pictures of Jonghyun being UNBEARABLY BEAUTIFUL
watched the Gee dance video another three times
thought about dumb improbable covers I would love to hear
- still would die if disco/bden covered Ben Folds Five's Philosophy
- Jonghyun should cover Liz Phair's Stratford-on-Guy translated into Korean. this is VERY IMPORTANT to me; Korea's never-ending hard on for English is despairful. uhhh I have no rationale for why Jonghyun should sing a Liz Phair song besides the fact that it came up on shuffle and I have lost my mind
- any lady with a strong voice covering any Guided By Voices song. all the GBV covers on youtube are by white dudes. omg Pollard is already a white dude, I want some girl to belt that shit.

kpop is a black hole. It's because there's so many bands now and so many people and they're all SO busy doing something everyday. If they have really dedicated fanclubs (like SHINee/Jonghyun does) then you just kind of have a constant stream of pure (beautiful ;__;) media. Plus pretty much if you open your heart to one ridiculous person you end up liking fucking everyone. This is why I have come to love all of SHINee even though Key was a fucking dicksmack to Nicole about her weight and Minho looks hapless as fuck at times (LOL I LOVE HIM) and some Onew fans irritate the hell out of me and Taemin is a lulzy brat. And why I ended up going on a mini-youtube spiral of 2PM and f(x) clips.

I listened to Revolver and a bunch of old press conference clips and ughhh I love them. kpop is a fucking virus though, while I listening I was like PAUL-OPPA~ (-oppa is an affectionate/familial term for a guy who's older than you (but isn't an adult). the only people I call -oppa in real life are my older cousins but the international fandom has picked up on it and uses it for their ~favorites and it's infiltrated my brain too. it is cute but kind of disgusting. PAUL-OPPA~~). Can you imagine if they were around today? There would be never-ending wank between John fans and Paul fans alone, never mind the hipster coalition that is guaranteed to form around George. Ringo would be fine, the way Ringo's always fine. Completely pointless speculation, obviously; there will never be anything like the Beatles again, even disregarding the talent aspect of it. It's impossible just culturally/structurally.

btw I'm still D: over the hate Paul gets. I'm always defensive about my favorites (Jonghyunnnnn ;___;) but seriously. Seriously.

I always wish there was more attention on the females in any given fandom but I feel hypocritical at the moment because I spend like 90% of my current life on SHINee even though I also love SNSD, and I like KARA, Wonder Girls (well, sort of), and miss A. Is it that I'll only pay hardcore attention to the girls if there isn't a better male alternative? Ugh. Thinking this through: I know that my level of obsession is not something to strive for, even if I'm mentally stalking them for gender equality. And there's never as developed a fandom for females than there is for males, at least, not that I can find (I hella combed the internet for soshi fic before ;__;), so that influences the time I spend in it. (And I'm not a fandom producer, I'm a lurker~.) And, to be fair, I am literally in love with Jonghyun and I am only platonically in love with Sunny. 

Perennial complaints:
WHY MUST PEOPLE TALK ALL THE TIME. WHY CAN WE ALL NOT JUST SIT QUIETLY IN PUBLIC, SAYING NOTHING, PRESERVING THE ILLUSION THAT THE WORLD DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE FIRE-BOMBED. STFU STFU STFU

I realized that what I really want, and what I've really wanted ever since I was in like fucking middle school, was for meta to be written about me. I am so self-obsessed it is ridiculous. Even though I don't like myself, I really like thinking about myself. Why.

Also I like my wrists and my waist because they're pretty small, but they're so out of proportion that they don't actually look good. My arms are cylinders and my hip... area is so low. I'm so lumpy. Also also what am I going to do about my hair. I'm growing it out but it looks terrible. LIFE IS TERRIBLE.

I would straight up marry my mass media soash professor.

FUCK I HATE REGRESSION. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SSE AND SSR, I ALWAYS FORGET AND MY FINAL IS IN LESS THAN A WEEK AGHHHHH 

shit-tastic

Nov. 9th, 2010 12:28 am
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
I fucking forfeit this day.

edit @ 4:17AM: LOOOOOOOOOOLOLOOLOL HOW DID I LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT KNOWING ROKKUGO, HOW IS IT SPIRITUALLY POSSIBLE?!!????

I'M NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE VIDEO (THOUGH IT IS LOVELY). THIS SONG IS PURE CRACK. HOW CAN SOMETHING BE SO FUCKING KOREAN OMG IDK IDK

HERE IS SHINEE DORKING OUT HARD TO IT
JONGHYUN IS THE ONE IN THE BLUE SHIRT

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL TROT!!!!!!!!!!1
kerpingtack: kinomoto sakura: qt windblown aviator (it's fun~?)
a mix for a cooler weather
keywords: warm in tone; sincere, intelligent, relaxed

trying to be cool )
kerpingtack: illustration for aladdin 1928 "Aladdin Saluted Her with Joy" (salut her with joy)
My SNSD post is taking forever and I am impatient. LET ME TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS VIDEO

soshi )
kerpingtack: police frog doodle (copper)
THIS IS NOT THAT DAY

SCREAMING O M F G HOOT IS FLAWLESS


THE DESIGN TEAM WINS ONE MILLION EVERYTHINGS, THIS SHIT IS PERFECT

I GO ALL FANGIRL OUT )

kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
IF I DON'T FINISH THIS PAPER TODAY I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF

I've reached a point of terminal confusion. Why does this always happen??? "I haven't done enough analysis. I don't have a real argument. I wrote too much for one part and not enough for another. The focus of the paper is wrong. I should change my thesis. I SHOULD CHANGE MY TOPIC." NO. NO YOU SHOULDN'T. O M FUCKING G G G G 

SHIINA RINGO IS PRETTY INCREDIBLE. The Heisei Fuuzoku version of Gamble is heartstopping, especially when you read the lyrics. She sings the living hell out of it. Those are the only two things I ever say about it, but I can't think of anything else! All the hairs on my arms stood up at the third chorus, like all the way up my shoulder. "If I lose this gamble." Jesus christ, pull my heart out my throat. This song is very capable of destroying you. HAVE LINK


Also Shiina Ringo is smoking hot. (The description for the Tsumiki Asobi performance is my favorite. Wait for 2:18 into the video for maximum hbic.)

miscellaneous thoughts
- The visual component of her music (album covers, music videos, stage outfits) are SO perfect. Fucking spot on.
- Her cover of Yer Blues is rly good. I love that very jpop/Shiina Ringo interlude near the end.
- I read a review of Heisei Fuuzoku that said that the album lacked roots in the Western underground and I was like, wat da fuque, is it SUPPOSED to have roots there? I'm annoyed at how English reviews of Asian music (this sounds weird) tend to compare it to Western music in some obligatory way. I know that's how the Asian music industries started, but Japan has the second biggest music market in the world now, it's not derivative. Plus it kind of sounds like oh ASIA is so FOREIGN but this sounds mostly like our music so it's not FOREIGN in an uncomfortable way, it's FOREIGN in that COOL EXOTIC ASIAN WAY. This is something I've been thinking a lot about in my foray into kpop. Why is there so often an undercurrent of "Western legitimacy"? Why do people have to earn approval from the West (read: white people)? I mean I kind of know why, but still chewing on the idea. see: the youtube comments on SNSD's Run Devil Run music video after that one guy made that video ranting about kpop fans; the rant itself.
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
My god I am such an attention whore. I've been updating Facebook a lot. And I keep wanting to update my OkCupid profile pictures. Also I am updating my LJ, durr hurr. Oh geez, the OkCupid thing is especially bad. You do not even understand how many times I've almost logged in to upload new pictures.

I'm under provisional admission to UCLA at the moment. I need to finish some incomplete coursework or else my admission will be canceled. I have made almost no progress and it is due next week. It's not even that I just need to finish it; it has to be, like... above a C. It's all shit. Anything that helps me escape is a brilliant idea. Which I suppose is why I keep circling around OkCupid.

I hate the apartment by the way. We've had to pay three months' rent already plus deposit and no one will even move in until September. I've never even seen the damn place. And the landlord is a grade A prick. I kind of hate him a lot.

ANYWAY ONTO MORE IMPORTANT THINGS

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

[livejournal.com profile] enderswrath where you at?? LOL DISCO. LOL RYAN ROSS. *____* BDEN. Oh some things truly never change. This picture literally feels like worlds colliding. On one side, bdon looks like the beautiful fairy of goodwill he is, radiant and obnoxious in the full bloom of youth. On the other side, Ryan Ross looks like a shabby hobo salaryman from some crappy 1980s condo closet. I sure put together a lot of words in that sentence. I like that people are flipping out about it because my heart skipped a beat when I saw it too. Oh shit what if a Spencer and Jon version surfaced?! That would be... no, actually I don't care about that. Goddamnit disco put out some music.

Man, bandom really crashed and burned. To be honest I'm kind of worried about kpop doing the same, though more because the industry itself is so sketchy. Everyone is so fucking overworked, I'm afraid they're all going to keel over. It is seriously ridiculous. There are actually a lot of lawsuits going around right now from band members suing their companies for unfair contract terms. Plus, there are just way too many groups debuting. It's just too much money-grubbing going at too fast a pace. I'm worried for SNSD. :d

I'm also worried that Parks & Recreation will be canceled. It's only getting a half season or some shit. WHY. WHHHHYYYY. It cannot be canceled. CANNOT. I love it so much!! It has to make it to five seasons, at least!! My heart, it is clinging. :(

THINGS I LOVE: PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF ANIME BEING CALLED TSUNDERE
Like John Watson of Sherlock Holmes!! LOOOOOOLZ. And Jessica from SNSD!!! Though I don't think that quite fits. LOLZ WHATEVER, I LOVE IRL TSUNDERES

What the hell is Liz Phair up to these days? I listened to Exile in Guyville all the way through today, which is pretty much the only way I can listen to it. That album and whitechocolatespaceegg are both paced so well. It's so confident and assured.

I always talk about this but it's because I really am amazed each time: music can make you remember EVERYTHING. I remember how I first heard of Liz Phair (VH1 music videos late at night in a hotel room, Why Can't I?), what made me decide to buy the CD (looking her up online and reading the lyrics to Divorce Song), where I was when I first listened to it (in the car on the way to dinner with my grandmother), my first reaction ('her voice is so much deeper than in her other song!'), all of that. I really miss discovering music that I love like that. Everything is digital and low-risk now, which I'm not complaining about because of my lack of monies and such, but the intangibility does kind of dilute things. Scrolling through a tracklist doesn't feel the same as skipping through a CD. Also I hate it when music blogs put pictures of the band by the downloads. Jesus, seriously??? It's like when they put a picture of the author next to the article. What is the point of that?

escape escape escape!

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