kerpingtack: badly cropped deers drawn by a korean artist (nearly spring)
This took fucking forever. Life has been draining me of life!! I'm so tired all the time, idk. It's hard to get the momentum going for these nothing posts when I could just as well spam twitter but~ I really want to get back into the groove of things.

I don't even remember how to do this! I open this page and I just talk?? What about? What did I do before? I have no memory of anything. wtf did I even have thoughts in the past? Was I even alive??

Okay I'll just free-associate or something. LOL because otherwise I'm so orderly~

vintage whine aged in the finest crystal decanter )
kerpingtack: illustration for aladdin 1928 "Aladdin Saluted Her with Joy" (salut her with joy)
I love this song. "They're probably poisoning your body: I hope you're alright."

I wish I didn't remember all the old feelings. I felt like I was in such a haze back then; it's not fair to be able to remember that so clearly. Alone in the apartment, alone in a room, knowing that I fucked up. It's so familiar that I feel like I've almost missed it. And it's defined me for so long.

I did something pretty embarrassing last night but I was already too burned out and sleep deprived to care. I'm still a little too zombified to fully feel the embarrassment. Also I think I'm getting sick. This is how I am living my life!

My cousin likes George and John the best and Paul the least. The reason he gave was that Paul is a dbag. lol omg you have to explain it better than that. As though George and John weren't dicksmacks. I mean I love them all but srsly, bitter bitches.

oh man I'm so depressed and unmotivated. I've never fallen apart like this during winter quarter. LOL now I'm really scared about spring. I have never had a good spring quarter. ;__;
kerpingtack: police frog doodle (copper)
SO this past two days INSTEAD OF:
reading
trying to understand statistical regression
doing any of my statistics work
catching up on my sociology of mass media notes

I:
thought about the Beatles
saved another 200 pictures of Jonghyun being UNBEARABLY BEAUTIFUL
watched the Gee dance video another three times
thought about dumb improbable covers I would love to hear
- still would die if disco/bden covered Ben Folds Five's Philosophy
- Jonghyun should cover Liz Phair's Stratford-on-Guy translated into Korean. this is VERY IMPORTANT to me; Korea's never-ending hard on for English is despairful. uhhh I have no rationale for why Jonghyun should sing a Liz Phair song besides the fact that it came up on shuffle and I have lost my mind
- any lady with a strong voice covering any Guided By Voices song. all the GBV covers on youtube are by white dudes. omg Pollard is already a white dude, I want some girl to belt that shit.

kpop is a black hole. It's because there's so many bands now and so many people and they're all SO busy doing something everyday. If they have really dedicated fanclubs (like SHINee/Jonghyun does) then you just kind of have a constant stream of pure (beautiful ;__;) media. Plus pretty much if you open your heart to one ridiculous person you end up liking fucking everyone. This is why I have come to love all of SHINee even though Key was a fucking dicksmack to Nicole about her weight and Minho looks hapless as fuck at times (LOL I LOVE HIM) and some Onew fans irritate the hell out of me and Taemin is a lulzy brat. And why I ended up going on a mini-youtube spiral of 2PM and f(x) clips.

I listened to Revolver and a bunch of old press conference clips and ughhh I love them. kpop is a fucking virus though, while I listening I was like PAUL-OPPA~ (-oppa is an affectionate/familial term for a guy who's older than you (but isn't an adult). the only people I call -oppa in real life are my older cousins but the international fandom has picked up on it and uses it for their ~favorites and it's infiltrated my brain too. it is cute but kind of disgusting. PAUL-OPPA~~). Can you imagine if they were around today? There would be never-ending wank between John fans and Paul fans alone, never mind the hipster coalition that is guaranteed to form around George. Ringo would be fine, the way Ringo's always fine. Completely pointless speculation, obviously; there will never be anything like the Beatles again, even disregarding the talent aspect of it. It's impossible just culturally/structurally.

btw I'm still D: over the hate Paul gets. I'm always defensive about my favorites (Jonghyunnnnn ;___;) but seriously. Seriously.

I always wish there was more attention on the females in any given fandom but I feel hypocritical at the moment because I spend like 90% of my current life on SHINee even though I also love SNSD, and I like KARA, Wonder Girls (well, sort of), and miss A. Is it that I'll only pay hardcore attention to the girls if there isn't a better male alternative? Ugh. Thinking this through: I know that my level of obsession is not something to strive for, even if I'm mentally stalking them for gender equality. And there's never as developed a fandom for females than there is for males, at least, not that I can find (I hella combed the internet for soshi fic before ;__;), so that influences the time I spend in it. (And I'm not a fandom producer, I'm a lurker~.) And, to be fair, I am literally in love with Jonghyun and I am only platonically in love with Sunny. 

Perennial complaints:
WHY MUST PEOPLE TALK ALL THE TIME. WHY CAN WE ALL NOT JUST SIT QUIETLY IN PUBLIC, SAYING NOTHING, PRESERVING THE ILLUSION THAT THE WORLD DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE FIRE-BOMBED. STFU STFU STFU

I realized that what I really want, and what I've really wanted ever since I was in like fucking middle school, was for meta to be written about me. I am so self-obsessed it is ridiculous. Even though I don't like myself, I really like thinking about myself. Why.

Also I like my wrists and my waist because they're pretty small, but they're so out of proportion that they don't actually look good. My arms are cylinders and my hip... area is so low. I'm so lumpy. Also also what am I going to do about my hair. I'm growing it out but it looks terrible. LIFE IS TERRIBLE.

I would straight up marry my mass media soash professor.

FUCK I HATE REGRESSION. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SSE AND SSR, I ALWAYS FORGET AND MY FINAL IS IN LESS THAN A WEEK AGHHHHH 
kerpingtack: green glass window installations (treatment)
I don't look at a lot of Real Person fanart because the potential for embarrassment is way too high for me. But, oh, sometimes blindly clicking links pays off like the fucking lottery.

flickr set
website

THE LINES ARE SO CLEAN IT MAKES ME WANT TO DIEEEEEEEE OMGAH

It is just SO SUPER CHARMING and amazing, I want to wallpaper the room with them or something. !! in my Champ/Fabto has such affection for them and a sense of who they are and s/he captures their expressions perfectly. Even when they're drawn in bear suits (PAULAR BEARRRRRRR). I love the little offhand stories/captions the pictures come with. SO. SUPER. CHARMING. I quite love it when you can get a sense of the person by looking at how and what they draw and I just love the distinctness of his/her vision of the Beatles, how much personal affection there is to draw George as a cenataur and John as an odalisk and all four of them as the heads in Mount Rushmore. <3___<3 And I love the COYNESS of some of the drawings, though their bodies aren't sexualized (of course, the matter-of-factness makes it more attractive). Okay that sentence didn't make any sense. LOL WHATEVER, LOLIBAIT GEORGE. And their beautiful graphite hairs... omg it's all in pencil, I don't even know. OMG. What the hell do they put in the water in Japan, seriously. SERIOUSLY. AGHHHH THE LINES, THE LINES.

Hayashi-kata (amaaaazing)
WDGY press conference
Head massage
3 Beatles and a baby
Ringo walks his dog
PAULAR BEAR
George as a timpanist (Miami short shorts!!)
John wearing a toilet seat
Yellow submarine ocarina
kerpingtack: sarah with a fine moustache (sarah thinks you look ridiculous)
SO I completely missed the boat on a Beatle kids post on ontd_beatles like half a week ago. NOT IT STOPPED ME FROM SPAMMING THE COMMENTS (LOLOL I'M LIKE LITERALLY THE SECOND-TO-LAST COMMENT ON THERE OMG). I will literally never get the hang of Not Being Awkward.

ANYWAAAY.

the art of the picspam (now with extra commentary) )

09-09-09

Sep. 9th, 2009 01:55 pm
kerpingtack: sarah with a fine moustache (sarah thinks you look ridiculous)
numBER NINE NUMBER NINE NUMBER nine numBER NINE NUMBER NINE NUMBER ninenumBER NINE NUMBER NINE NUMBER nine

tig tag

Aug. 9th, 2009 07:26 pm
kerpingtack: alec baldwin in beetlejuice (CHEKRD SHRT + GLASSES = YES YES YES!!)
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title.

Pick your artist: Belle & Sebastian

summer and winter, winter and springtime )

Pick your artist: The Beatles

so much younger than today )

I could've been more creative I think but my brainzzz, they are worn out.
kerpingtack: alec baldwin in beetlejuice (CHEKRD SHRT + GLASSES = YES YES YES!!)

McCartney II = RIDICULOUSLY awesome, except for the song called "Frozen Jap," which I have renamed "Frozen RACIAL SLUR" in my iTunes.  I found ONE interview (here) where someone asks him about it and his explanation is not too bad. Basically, "Frozen Jap," "jap" being an abbreviation of "Japan... Japanese winter... Mt. Fuji... ~Orientalness~," was a working title that stuck. In Europe (at the time? I'm not sure how it is now) the word wasn't too terrible, so he only heard protests after the album came out. He changed the title for the Japanese edition to "Frozen Japanese." I can believe this. It's definitely damage control, but I buy it. I did some (shallow) research and there are indeed regional differences in how offensive the word is. Like in most of Asia, today at least, "Jap" is an acceptable abbreviation for "Japan/Japanese" so... yeah. It's enough to make me feel better. It's good that I found this interview and someone fucking asked about it; I was going crazy for a while. "He wouldn't have called it that if he knew how it's a RACIAL SLUR in some parts of the world... but how could he not know?!? OMMMGGGGG WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY?!?" Racial insensitivity is a pretty big fucking dealbreaker for me. Paul doesn't have a history of it, more the opposite actually, but yeah, fuck, Paul McCartney, why couldn't you have saved me the heartache and called it "Frozen Polar Bear" or SOME fucking thing?? Or I wish he would've changed the song title completely, not just for the Japanese version. Well, seeing how I only found ONE interview where someone addressed it, I guess it was not a big enough deal to merit the change. Urgh argh oorgh.

I have a midterm due tomorrow and it's pretty bullshit. Like "write an essay that addresses all parts of a really broad topic in one-page-double-spaced" bullshit. That's not an essay, that's a fucking short answer. The readings are boring and dry and full of a lot of nothing, much like my boring, dry, full of a lot of nothing professor. This MacKinnon person is fucking tiresome. There are like 10 pages of her explaining why all previous work on the subject has been WRONG WRONG WRONG. Jesus, just fucking explain why you're RIGHT or just fucking say what exactly you're adding to the fucking discussion. People are, like, always on the defensive in academia. At least in the social sciences. ~MYYYY perspective is necessary because everyone else thus far has neglected the most IMPORTANT PART EVER!!~ But whereas some writers limit this to the first page or so, MacKinnon just goes onnnnnnnnn and onnnnnnnnnnnnn and onnnnnnnnnnn. And she's uses words like "concomitant" (adj.; existing or occuring with something else; concurrent) and "detumescence" (n.; reduction or subsidence of swelling) and "sui generis" (adj.; of his, her, its, or their own kind; unique) when she could've just said "I am ostentatious as fuck" and "I have poor sentence construction and leave pronouns hanging around willy-nilly without any referrents" and "SORRY YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY SLEEP BECAUSE OF MY WRETCHED ESSAY." Yeah, me too.

Some guy in my co-op is into 10 year olds who wear corrective boots, I guess, because he hit on me while I walking out of my aparment. At first I was really confused, all OMG DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? Because he just came out of nowhere and was like "do you live there?" I was all "omg I'm sorry I put the regular trash in one of the recycling bins that one time, I couldn't find the bin for the regular trash!!" but then he just uh started hitting on me? He asked if he could ~knock on my door~ sometime and I just said uhhhh okay because I was flustered as hell. WTF I look like a middle schooler. And I'm wearing a boot! Guys, I don't know if I'm okay with pedo boot-fetishists. (The exchange wasn't as creepy as I made it sound btw, I am just scared of people. And LIFE!)

kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (call it freedom in an old age)
The subject line ^ was the title of an "article" from some trashy celebrity gossip site. It was a bunch of pictures of Evangeline Lilly carrying a surfboard. Her arm wasn't long enough to hold it securely so I guess she had to keep readjusting her hold? I'll always remember it because LOL WTF, what a weird fucking thing to say about somebody. Let alone put together an "article" for.

Still no internet in my room. LE SIGH. I'm on campus right now, flying on AirBears~ (<-- name of Berkeley's wireless network. No, I'm not joking.)

I'm pretty drained. These past two weeks have been rough as hell.

I watched Joshua on Friday. UMMM YOU SHOULD EXPECT TERRIBLE THINGS FROM THIS MOVIE. It was seriously bad-feeling-making. I was kind of distraught at the ending. The feeling of D: stayed with me for a long time, and I started thinking about it last night and got all creeped out and had to think about, like, pillows shaped like cats to wash the taste off my brain. Why the fuck does Sam Rockwell have to be so endearing?! AGH.

I also watched the first three episodes of Flight of the Conchords, season 2. The show's a lot tighter this time around. The humor is sometimes a bit broader too. LOLOL I love Murray. And Bret is still insanely attractive to me. His t-shirts have gotten even uglier. <3___<3

Yesterday I had an EPIIIIC camwhoring session with like 60+ photos. Key words for discussion: seeking attention, vanity, internet culture, physical appearances, fake modesty. By now I can recognize that I am not physically ugly, but I don't think I'm pretty. I think I can look pretty. This "can" vs. "be" distinction has been a big issue for me lately. I was thinking about JJB last week and how my sister and I are always yelling at him to stop being annoying (because omg HE IS SO FING ANNOYING SOMETIMES) and I was all worried that it might be crushing his spirit and whatnot. So I told him something like "JJB, you CAN be annoying, but you yourself are not annoying. It's hard to change the things you are, but you can change things you can be. Sorry for yelling so much. :<" Yeah I didn't make much sense. I don't think JJB quite got it either. But we hugged and it was coo'. ANYWAAAY: I think I can look pretty, which is what enables me to camwhore and put the photos up for other people to see. It's about constructing a positive image of yourself as secretly and selectively as possible. If I thought that I was pretty, or conversely, that I was fug, I wouldn't do this shit. But I'm in that space where I'm still not SURE and am desperately seeking validation. Like "haha, I look dumb and terrible, but not as dumb and terrible as I did in the 50 pictures I deleted, so yes, these are the acceptable pictures of me! Ahaha they're still cute right, and you don't hate me for ~showing off too much beauty~ and complaining about it, right? RIGHT?? OMG PLS THINK I'M PRETTY. PLS LIKE ME!!!!" Umm yeahhhh. >__> Camwhoring is about insecurity!

I tried starting a picspam of Beatles Hitching Their Legs Up Awkwardly High (a trend spotted by [profile] fitz_carraldo's keen eye) but apparently I don't have any such pictures?? *rolls up sleeves* Time to hunt.

Yahoo: "Obama's cool may be melting. The president's icy glamour is starting to wear off, and the White House is getting feisty."
Seriously, who writes these things? Isn't Yahoo one of the biggest websites in the world? Wat?

Ahhhh there's a post on ableism and using the word "lame." I've been trying to curb my usage of "lame" and other words like it for a while now. (Operating on my general rules of thumb that a) it's not okay to assume that words aren't hurtful just because they're used a lot and their social meanings aren't discussed; and b) if you're not part of the original group the word was meant for, you can't reclaim it (paraphrasing Jay Smooth.)) It is really hard though! Ableism is so engrained in our language, it is pretty ridic. Probably because ableism is quite overlooked/invisible? :< Okay, I'm renewing my commitment to stop being an asshole. There are a lot of really useful substitutes suggested in that link.

Fuck man I've been dying these past two weeks. I didn't know I had anything left to get kicked out from under me but I guess I do. It's pretty hard to learn that you can't rely on anyone. I think the difference between "on your own" and "alone" is in ability. Three guesses on which side I fall on, hurr hurr. I am throwing a pity party over here. Ugh, right, let's move on.

Obligatory Beatles-y mention:
(wrt Paul's recent concert in Halifax)
That concert was epic. There were just as many people on the streets and sidewalks and the Citadel as there were on the Common, open liquor everywhere, cars stopped with their four-ways on in the middle of the road, and the police seriously did not give a fuck about any of it. Paul McCartney/Halifax = OTP.
(here)
AWW. I love the shit out of that kind of stuff.
(I wonder if my blogging etiquette is okay? Is copy+pasting comments cool? I operate on "well they're never going to find out" but this is the internet, you can never really be certain of that. Mmmmm oh well, they're never going to find out!)

UM ALSO! BABY JAGUARS. I DID NOT KNOW THEY WERE SO CUTE. AHHMG.

I am cliiiiiiiiiiinging. I don't have anything left to check, do, or say on the internet but I don't want to go back to my sad, internetless room. It smells like sweat and feet. :(
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)

I used the digital camera that my family bequeathed to me for the Summer to check my outfit today. (<-- vain) Um, holy crap. I can seriously look like a CHILD. Like a fucking 10-yr-old. I am not exaggerating. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?? I am 20!! What the fuuuuuuck. I thought everyone was smoking crack for telling me that I looked like a middle schooler, since I was convinced that I looked AT LEAST 16, but I see where they're coming from now. My face is small. Or something. :( I wouldn't say that my body's childlike but it's not overwhelmingly identifiable as an adult's body. Meaning I'm short-limbed and my boobs are small. :( Christ I hope this isn't advertising for pervs. Pervs, I'd like to let you know that I smell strongly of whatever kills your boner the fastest and I'm a psychic undercover cop with great ability to put your ass in jail. Also, I will remind you of your mother. Unless you have an Oedipus complex. Then I will just stab your eyes out.

Great word: TWITTERPATED
adj; confused by affection or infatuation
Apparently you can't verb this but I don't care. Verbing is what English is all about! This word twitterpates me!

I'm taking a class on sociology of gender. It is the most boring class. I'm really keen on the subject but the professor sucks all the relevancy and interest out of it like some kind of dull, pleasant vampire. However, yesterday we watched a documentary called "Beyond Killing Us Softly" that made me my smile a little wobbly with emotion. One of the things I really loved was the end of a lecture by Gail Dines, I think? She said something like, "Women don't hate each other. We don't hate her [woman in an advertisement]. We love her. We love her so much that we fought for her right to vote, right to go to school, right to speak. Women love each other." That is really a glass half-full mentality. It works better for your morale than the glass half-empty one, which is "We don't love her enough to keep her from... everything else." I swear, we are regressing. We're back in the 80s or something. But it's nice to see it that way. I need that reminder, that history is really not just about the space between what is and what should be, it can also be about the space between what was and what is. It was also nice to see this really solid, real as hell 13-yr-old girl who had her head the fuck on. She was so smart and thoughtful and cool. *wants to be that 13-yr-old girl* 

Man, I hate looking for new music. I'm getting quite tired of indie cute songs about summer and kissing with little chimes going off in the background. For gods sakes, I know that you can't actually sing, but can't you at least try to punch up your song a bit? Make it KIND OF interesting? Everything sounds soooooo alike.

Unexpectedly serious question: what makes rapists redeemable? At least fictional rapists in pop culture. I forget why I started thinking about this, but that Chuck Bass guy from Gossip Girls certainly came to mind. I don't get why he's so popular?? I thought he like DATE RAPED a girl in the first fucking episode, or attempted to, or something. Like what's his face in Torchwood and Dick Casablancas in Veronica Mars and every single male character in the deplorable manga Hot Gimmick. But they aren't reviled or anything, especially not by female fans. It's just really strange to me. How do you get over the HE'S A DATE RAPIST part? It's not like you can DATE RAPE for justice. I understand that part of the problem of the way society treats rape and rapists is that there's a tendency to view them as aberrant, ie rape is really rare and rapists are always Bad Evil People, and I don't know any Bad Evil People so I don't know any rapists, blah blah. So in a way, it's good to flesh out rapists so we can see how they legitimize rape?...? Rapists are people too, and ignoring that is ignoring part of the problem. I don't know. I don't get how that leads to actively liking the character. You can understand him without EMPATHIZING with him. It could just be appreciation for a fictionally interesting character, but... these characters have actual fans. The only explanation I can think of is too depressing: the fans don't care. Date Rapist is cute! He didn't mean it! The girl who was DATE RAPED is negligible! Oh god, I don't get it. HE DATE RAPED SOMEONE! OMG.

I am forever on a hunt for an actual .mp3 of Disney's "A Cowboy Needs A Horse." Every time I search for it, I get like 90% porn and 10% random stuff like "Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy)." The closest I have is the converted youtube file of the video. Hmph. The internet is supposed to be good at fulfilling nostalgia! 

I'm also forever looking for this mysterious file. I WANT THIS SO MUCH. IT IS KILLING ME. I put up a request on beatlefiles, I downloaded the London Town bootleg (how many are there??), I googled endless combinations of "paul," "story," "kids," "mary," "stella," "song," "fairies," "monster," "nice," "WHERE THE FUCK IS IT," all to no avail. I'M DYING.

While we are on the subject of Paul (ahahah, like I need an excuse), I listened to Beatles for Sale for the first time a couple of days ago and went completely verklempt when I heard "I'll Follow the Sun." I don't quite know why. But it's so content and hopeful and clear-eyed. I watched "The Space Within Us" over the weekend, which is a concert DVD of his 2005 tour across America and it's all about Paul and his fans, the personal history each of them had with him. Anyway he played that song there (and kept fake-ending the song over and over again, hee), just this short song that he wrote when he was 16 and that ended up on one of their lesser known records and the audience still knew it and loved it. It's one thing to hear someone say, "Tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun," and it's another to know that that's what he's done, or tried to do, all these years. "Unflagging optimism" is not manic denial, it's this, this calm promise-full song for everyone. You believe him when he sings it, is what I'm saying. And once I heard "Kansas City/Hey Hey Hey," I kind of realized that I'd really love to hear him sing anything. I LOVE YOU PAUL. 

Vwoop! I'm going to link that with someone else I loooove and would like to hear sing everything in the world: Stuart Murdoch! I'm pleased as punch that the Fluxblog guy likes Stuart, since I really like his taste in music and the way he writes about it and um yeah that's it! I totes agree with his thoughts on the God Help the Girl album:

I just kinda what him to make a Belle & Sebastian record, you know? I understand why he’d want to do this, but to me, it’s just dicking around. I want to hear him sing!
Yes, Stuart, the concept is cool and all, but I NEED YOUUU. The whole point of Belle & Sebastian, to me, is Stuart Murdoch. Okay, that's not strictly true; it's unfair to the other members, especially given how collaborative the later albums are. But in many ways Stuart IS the band and the voice and he makes everything sound more interesting and yess, Fluxblog guy, I don't want to hear anyone singing his songs but him! :<

Okay the problem with doing stream-of-whatever entries like this is that there's no elegant way to end them.

kerpingtack: sarah with a fine moustache (sarah thinks you look ridiculous)
Oh BTW while I was bored and internetless in my room earlier today, I made this list. Feel free to add more, Theoretical Internet Audience!

BEATLES PICTURES DRINKING GAME
Take a drink every time
- none of them know what personal space is
- John and Paul don't know what personal space is
- John and/or Paul are gazing at the other adoringly or are otherwise clearly in love
- there are weird and inexplicable props
- one of them looks bored (LOL)
- George is clearly refusing to pose
- Paul has something in his mouth
- Paul is sitting weirdly
- you see a color version of a black & white picture and realize that they were all color-blind
- you see an ex-girlfriend/wife!
- someone is smoking (LOL)
- Paul is wearing a vest
- George is helpfully standing around doing nothing
- there are Miscellaneous Women in the picture and it's awkward
- they're in matching clothes!
- you see Martha!
- they're paired off in your favorite combinations
- you want to yell "SHAVE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHAVE" (have fun with your hangover)
- someone's wearing a stupid hat
- someone's wearing stupid sunglasses
- you see matching facial hair
and finally, the holy grail
- ALL FOUR of them look good AT THE SAME TIME

extras
Take a drink every time
- you mistake a picture of Dhani for a picture of George
- Yoko's rack looks good
- Paul's mullet doesn't offend you (this one is difficult)
and to finish you off
- Ringo looks exactly the same as the last three thousand times you saw him
kerpingtack: green glass window installations (treatment)
The wireless in my room worked for like two hours before fucking out again. I'm in the Doe Library (I know of this from my work at ILL. You guys print on thin grey paper and blue ink! Your barcodes don't scan!!). It's a lot nicer looking overall than YRL. PROPS BURK BURK GURHHHHHRHRHH

I've made a huge mistake. /GOB This Berkeley thing was a mistake. I can't remember why I was looking forward to this. Like... what did I think would happen? Why did I think this was a good idea? I feel like a needy, crazy, pathetic nuisance. Yeah, just what I wanted, an extra month and a half of unnecessary bullshit. This was fucking stupid of me. It's ruined everything. I have to have things to daydream about and never fulfill them because it's fucking unrealistic and it's not going to happen. Why do I expect this out of things? Out of people? You could've seen this coming a mile away, self, you were just too desperate to acknowledge it. Yeah.

Probably every year since 2006 I've lost something or another. I've been slowly losing my ability to feel safe, anyway. Oh the dramatics! I wish knowing something helped you deal with it. If I start to think about anything in my life for too long I want to beat my head in with a shovel. Soooo.

This is the first band break-up I've ever been through! Well I was a fan when the Pipettes broke up but they weren't huge for me. Oh disco. I'm glad it was you, you bring just enough lulz to soothe the pain~. Ahahah oh shit I probably would've killed myself if I was around when the Beatles broke up. PUBLIC GRIEVING IS ATTRACTIVE! ... if Belle and Sebastian break up, I will be traumatized for life. No, seriously. :|

I'm glad that Spencer stayed with bden. I think they'll be good together. OMG this shit is so crazy, wtf. I'm kind of seriously done with Ryan Ross. I didn't know I cared so much about all the things he chooses to be, but I do! If he wants to be a hipster, he can jump off my dick and be the dirty cokey hipster he wants to be. That's just FINE. WHATEVER! UGH HIPSTERS.

I really really like McCartney. Unenlightening thoughts: I think it's really obvious that Paul LOVES music, and loves it in a pure kind of way. It's not about the trappings for him and it's not a vehicle for something else; music is important because it's music. Paul's lyrics get criticized as trite and inane, and I admit, sometimes I do think, "that mofo didn't even try with this song," but that case isn't the norm. I like whimsy and wordplay, and P.McC has got that in spades. I like when you can tell that he's gotten wrapped up with the SOUND of the words themselves and the voice becomes another layer of music and another instrument for him to use. I'm thinking of the end of Hey Jude and moar especially, the end of Long-Haired Lady. Ohhhhhh looooooove is looooooooooooooooooooong, loooooove is looooooooooooooooooooong, loooove is loooooooo-ooooooooooooo-oooooooooong x10000. But to be fair, I also love it when it's obvious that he never got around to finishing the lyrics and just ba-ba-bas his way through a verse. Or half a song. I LU PAWWWWWL.
kerpingtack: green glass window installations (treatment)
I spent a good hour wrangling with my Beatles pictures folder before giving up. The folder is UNWIELDLY; I have over a thousand pictures and it's fucking impossible to find anything. I think I'm going to have to order them by dates or something. Auggh. Of course I just went to beatlepics and compulsively saved like fifty new pictures. I know I have a problem.

Yesterday we made The Boat. The Boat is the monstrous structure that occurs when you push the sections of our couch together. We end up making The Boat every summer even though it's ridiculous and takes up half of the living room. This year JJB stands on the edge of The Boat with his plastic bow and arrow set, pretending to shoot piranhas. And other notable things. 
JJB aims at the wall with the church calendar
Sister: JJB, are you trying to shoot Jesus?
JJB: No, I'm shooting the wall above Jesus!
Sister: Yeah, I know, I was kidding around --
JJB: That's where Satan is coming to attack Jesus! 
Sister and me: LOL WUT
JJB: Aww, a direct hit! Satan falls into the alligator pit and gets chomped into little pieces!

I paraphrased a little, JJB was much more graphic in his description. He's a weird kid.

Relatedly, I have to pick him up from summer school tomorrow. By myself. His school is in Ceres and the easiest way to get there involves the freeway. I am going to get lost. I have to take him to school on Friday morning too! ;___;

iTunes meme
Total number of tracks:
5321

Sort by song title

(discounting punctuation and numbers)
First Song: A-Punk - Vampire Weekend
Last Song: Zuhälter - Wir sind Helden

Sort by time
(discounting connected files and audio files)
Shortest Song: 00:06, Sufjan Stevens - One Last "Whoo-hoo!" For the Pullman
Longest Song: 21:24, Igor Stravinsky - Firebird Suite

First five songs that comes up on Shuffle
(discounting audio files)
1. Daft Punk - High Fidelity
2. Johnnie Taylor - I Am Somebody (Part 1)
3. Belle & Sebastian - The Loneliness of the Middle Distance Runner
4. Suddenly, Tammy! - Hard Lesson
5. Os Mutantes - Panis et Circenses

Search...               
"sex," how many songs come up?: 8
"love," how many songs come up?: 168
"you," how many songs come up?: 400 (what kind of retarded stat is this?)
"death," how many songs come up?: 12
"hate," how many songs come up?: 11 (actually 8 because 3 are the ‘hate’ in the middle of ‘whatever’)
"wish," how many songs come up?: 8   
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
I am so bloated and full and I cannot stop eating. I think my ankle is messed up FOREVER. ARGUHHH.

I watched a few clips from Across the Universe today. I still object to its, like. EXISTENCE. Some parts of it are AGGRESSIVELY ANNOYING because of how fucking dumb it is. If I wanted to glaze my eyes in a sauce made out of stupid, I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT, ACROSS THE UNIVERSE MOVIE. Also, Evan Rachel Woods is a sack of nothing with a face of nothing. What a black hole of mediocrity.

To be fair, part of why I think this movie is so irritating are the fans who hella cream themselves over it. You know. "ATU is the BEST MOVIE EVER! It is sooo moving! I didn't even KNOW who the Beatles were before it/The songs are BETTER than the originals!" Oh lord. Anyway, consensus seems to be that the film is uneven at best, so there were a few cool parts. (That were inevitably ruined by obnoxious dialogue and obnoxious people.) Though I didn't personally like the style that much, the movie was very visually inventive and uhh... choreographed. I liked the use of conveyor belts! And the wordless Day in the LIfe. I've Just Seen a Face was super charming. I Want to Hold Your Hand was sort of very lovely and sweet. And I could very well appreciate what they did with I Want You (She's So Heavy). Strawberry Fields Forever was stupid, but kinda cool. (But stupid.) I don't know. Bleh and blah.

My sister revisited Progressive Boink recently, so I checked in on it too. I totally forgot how fucking awesome they are. I LAUGHED SO HARD, SO MUCH AT THE SKY MALL SERIES. This makes me feel really good about 2008, even though 2008 personally sucked itself into a vacuum-sealed black hole for me. I still have a internet crush on Mike Fireball. Le side note, well-written movie reviews make me feel like I'm MISSING OUT on LIFE. LIFE!

I have 5317 songs/14 days/18.75 GB worth of music on my iTunes at the moment. My to-get music list remains hefty. D:
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)
Six things:

1. Yoko Ono has a twitter! I don't know why, but THIS is the piece of information that has endeared her to me. Aw, she mentioned Paul on it. I agree with the person who said that John would have loved twitter. I also firmly believe that if John Lennon were alive today, he would have a blog. OH YES HE WOULD. And it would be a beautiful place, not unlike Kanye West's blog, full of rants and "does anyone else's cat do this?"s and "look at this cool thing I found on the Internets"s and CAPSLOCK. Oh the capslock.

2. Fuck everyone who doesn't think that J.Lennon and P.McC were friends. THEY WERE GODDAMNIT. In the early days you could tell that they ADORED each other. And as for the later days, with How Do You Sleep and whatnot, well, I think it's really hard to get that butthurt and fucked up over someone you're NOT close with. Of course one of the more compelling things about their dynamic is how ~complex and weird and wtf and adjective and ?_? it was, so it wasn't all BFFery, but I think the sheer DELIGHT they had in each other's presence is oft overlooked.

3. This is the best comment:
You'll have to excuse me, I'm having a Paul McCartney lovefest right now! ;0 I need a Beatle Paul pillow so I can hug it and dream of Paul..... ;) Ahhhhhhhhh, *HUGS!*

Umm, OK seriously. I'm incoherent right now... I feel like I've been covered in mewing kittens.

Also? Paul is a tiny whispy waif. Really, he is such a beautiful fairy princess! xoxoxoxo

(here)
 
THIS IS EXACTLY, EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. COVERED IN MEWLING KITTENS, YESSS!!!! I FEEL LIKE I'M DROWNING IN THEM!!

4. I have started putting together increasingly depraved and horrible genderswap scenarios, all revolving around the thought that Paul would make a slammin' hot lady. What? I am allowed to think these things if I want, okay?? YOU ALL KNOW IT'S TRUE. I really wish the Beatles fandom would mutate develop to accomodate this. Consider: Paul is already a maiden pure as snow in spirit (LOL WHAT) but through the magic of crackfic AUs, his true DEVASTATINGLY HOT lady potential can be reached. It could be SO FUCKED UP and glorious, especially if you got into the weirdness of gender and homophobia/heteronormativity of the time & region and John and took all THAT to its logical conclusion. Ho shit.  

5. I also want a really long rise and fall of the empire-epic, including all the messy unflattering parts without apologies or pulled punches. Not gonna lie, I like it sometimes when fics are cynical and a little cruel, even if I happen to really disagree with it. But oh, my heart would sing the sweet songs of Sweden if the fic was also fun and lulzy! The Beatles were funny guys. Their arguments could be both painful AND hilarious! (a la "I AM MORE STONED THAN YOU WILL EVER BE!") And done out of the, like, EXPLANATORY narrative style that so many Beatles fics seem to be written in. Moaar crack, less exposition. I don't know. I want the fic long and I want it brain-chewy and I want it as full of UST as possible. BONUS IF PAUL CRIES. LOL what, who said that?

6. I'm at the point where I am saving pictures just because I haven't seen them before. This is dangerous.

Three things:

(i) I feel weird about referring to celebrities by name. That is why I endeavor to have some cutesy semi-ironic nickname for everyone so I can feel less awkward. P.McC!! (Placeholder thoughts about names, public identities, media construction.)

(ii) The awkwardness only really happens when I'm talking about Real Paul, who recently turned 67 and is rocking it, as opposed to Character Paul, who is eternally 17 - 27 years old and suffers the indignity of being talked about like some kind of soft plush toy ("PAUL IS A DARLING BABY LAMB SENT FROM HEAVEN"). I need to work on compartmentalizing this shit. Man, every time I try to have a nice relaxing think about the kind of Beatles fic I would like to read (they all adopt a kitten together!!11 Paul goes out to dinner with his family and it is very nice!!!) it devolves into me being confused about RPF and celebrities and fiction and LIFE.

(iii) Bandom (FBR and associates) and Beatles fandom (the band to end all bands) are so different. I only bring it up because bandom was my last big fan thing, and they're both music group RPF fandoms. Generation gaps, technology, signs of the times...? Culture surfers versus culture shapers! It's interesting to see how fandoms have different ~flavors and structures.

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