kerpingtack: jonghyun rdd mubank win: nonstop perfect faces (let's feel it a bit)
unfinished entry from 2016-01-29 06:30 pm:
i just want to create something that i'm happy with and that i can be proud of. i don't even mean in an abstract way. like literally, i just want to draw or knit or make a mix that doesn't fill me with disappointment and/or self-loathing

maybe social work was not a good idea LOL hahahahaha

falls upon my own sword

i keep yearning for the world to give me value bc i don't really think of myself as having inherent worth lol. it's not something i can logic into or out of. it's a matter of belief which is always going to screw me.

i haven't angsted over this in a long time bc being in a program and feeling like i had a trajectory gave me the, like, confidence? to discard it as irrelevant. like what's the point of thinking about whether you're a good person or not? just DO things in life the best you can. but now i'm really questioning the program itself and it is accordingly collapsing the sense that At Least I Am Doing Something. and when i take away the feeling that i'm working towards something achievable & worthwhile, i'm only left with myself as a person WHICH IS UNBEARABLE. what am i good at? am i good friend? daughter/sister/teacher? i try an okay amount but it's not enough

Well, well, well. Fast-forward seven months later, after being fucked over some more by the program, which then gave me an excuse to Not Care and fuck myself over even more: SOCIAL WORK: NOT A GOOD IDEA. But I'm already on the path and I can't step off of it without going back into the abyss. Formless fog!!!!!

I had an epiphany a couple of days ago. (There's actually no way to tell whether I have already had this thought and promptly forgot that I had it, so I'm blogging about it to keep record.) I'm staying in this horrible position working at my mom's office for seasons upon seasons, because I already think that I'll be unhappy no matter where I go or what I do. So I'm just leveraging unhappiness - if I'm going to be and feel shitty regardless, I might as well do it in a position that will give me SOME satisfaction at things that are definitely important to me (feeling like I am helping my mom/family), rather than risking feeling more incompetent at something new and more abstractly important to me (Doing My Part in Society). Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

It's the perspective of, like, "everything people do has a purpose". It's just that sometimes that purpose has become maladaptive. Internal logic, cohesive realities. Two related quotes:

the ep of It's Always Sunny when Dee ~walks a mile in Charlie's shoes~:
Dee: Those aren't real problems, Charlie.
Charlie: What do you mean, they're not real problems?
Dee: You make those problems up. You choose to do that stuff.
Charlie: Those are SOLUTIONS to problems.

Everything is a solution to a problem, it's just that the problems change and outpace the rate of solutions generated.
this article re: Trump supporters:
But, if you don’t take ["being racist"] as an end point — if you instead ask “what do people get out of being racist?” — you’ll start to unravel the emotional motivations behind it.
'What do people get out of this?' = 'So what is its function in society?' < this question always makes me laugh, and I can't adequately explain why. I think it's related to that article or column or whatever Ayn Rand wrote about cats. Anyway, I think this concept also has something to do with utilitarianism, but I'm too lazy and dumb to connect it properly.
The subject line is from Umimachi Diary. I watched it last night at our local ~indie~ theater. That theater always has really terrible timing, both in the releases and their showtimes. Last week, when my sister and my frand were both in town, they were only playing Cafe Society nonstop. Of course, the moment everyone leaves, there's like two or three interesting releases. Thanks for nothing, State Theater!!111 And the times are always at incredibly awkward times of the day (noon, 4pm, or 7pm).

In any case, I'm glad I watched it. It was a very lovely movie - almost idyllic at times, as everyone is so FRIENDLY, but pulled back from being out-and-out syrupy, especially by the performances by Ayase Haruka (who is so incredibly beautiful) and Hirose Suzu. It made miss all sorts of things - being at college when I watched a ton of movies at Melnitz, living with my sister, and the nebulous concept of being in Korea ~with my people~. I mean, I don't WANT to live in Korea, but the familiarity of some of the scenes kind of tricked me. Just that feeling of knowing, recognizing. We want so badly to connect to things and this impulse is never turned off. Anyway, it was a gentle look at people in real motion, filmed beautifully. On the theater website, the movie was was described as heartwarming, and I decided that my heart could do with some warming. Another apt description: "Miyazaki in real life" (from this review).

Paranoid worries of the day: Tomtom has fleas or ticks, worried that Melon has them too; Melon's hind paw is still infected :< ; Tomtom is so wild about going outside - gotta calm him down re: scratching at the window screens, how to block off the shed so he won't jump onto the fence.

In case anyone was wondering, I still love Jonghyun and I pray daily for him to change his hair.
kerpingtack: kinomoto sakura: qt windblown aviator (it's fun~?)
From Aaron Swartz's Believe you can change:

"fixed mindset": the belief that your abilities are fixed and that the world is just a series of tests that show you how good you are.

In the fixed mindset, success comes from proving how great you are. Effort is a bad thing — if you have to try hard and ask questions, you obviously can’t be very good. When you find something you can do well, you want to do it over and over, to show how good you are at it.

"growth mindset": [the belief that] everything [comes] through effort and that the world is full of interesting challenges that could help you learn and grow.

In the growth mindset, success comes from growing. Effort is what it’s all about — it’s what makes you grow. When you get good at something, you put it aside and look for something harder so that you can keep growing.

Fixed-mindset people feel smart when they don’t make mistakes, growth-mindset people feel smart when they struggle with something for a long time and then finally figure it out. Fixies try to blame the world when things go bad, growthers look to see what they can change about themselves. Fixies are afraid to try hard — because if they fail, it means they’re a failure. Growthers are afraid of not trying.


paraphrase of something my mom said that Wednesday night:

머리 좋은 사람은 노력한 사람을 못 이겨
노력한 사람은 즐겁게 하는 사람을 못 이겨
a smart person can't win against a person who puts in effort and tries hard
a person who tries hard can't win against a person who does it joyfully

Some goals. I wish I could hardwire all of this in my head so I'd always remember.
kerpingtack: yotsuba eating (nyams and noms)
This was probably written when I was twelve and my sister was seven or eight.

To: The Tooth Fairy
From: [Sister] and [Me]

Hello. Sorry I have no business for you anymore, but my little brother is growing a whole mouth of teeth. I expect that you'll have another customer in about five or six years. :D

- [Me]
P.S. Sorry about the handwriting.

Hello! My older sister has no more baby teeth so I let her write to you too. Santa Claus told me sometime last year about talking to The Tooth Fairy Convention. If you're allowed to, please tell me something about it. Thank you! I have to go to sleep soon. Would you also please tell the rest of the tooth fairies that I admire what you all do for children? Thank you very much. I have one last question. Do tooth fairies come from different religions and cultures just like us humans? Well, good by and good night!

- [Sister] (arrow to turn the page)

P.S: Please tell me your name.

P.P.S: Where do have meetings and things like that?

P.P.P.S: How do you know when somebody loses a tooth? Do you fly around the whole world every single night checking every single house?

P.P.P.P.S: Thank you for everything!

P.P.P.P.P.S: This is the last one. I gave you a pencil and paper so you could answer my questions.

I think to some degree my sister already knew ~the truth~ but she was like, IF it's real, THEN I WANT TO KNOW!!! ♥


Nov. 14th, 2011 11:56 pm
kerpingtack: ms paint crop of a timeline of weekend life (omnomatron)
We went to a family friend's house and JJB made them duct tape wallets.

me: Ooh you got a custom order.
JJB: Yes, and it's from an ahjussi, too.
me: LOL
JJB: It's an honor.

JJB: (while making the wallet) It's very honorable to make a custom order for an ahjussi. It's like making one for royalty, it's like getting promoted.
kerpingtack: badly cropped deers drawn by a korean artist (nearly spring)
This took fucking forever. Life has been draining me of life!! I'm so tired all the time, idk. It's hard to get the momentum going for these nothing posts when I could just as well spam twitter but~ I really want to get back into the groove of things.

I don't even remember how to do this! I open this page and I just talk?? What about? What did I do before? I have no memory of anything. wtf did I even have thoughts in the past? Was I even alive??

Okay I'll just free-associate or something. LOL because otherwise I'm so orderly~

vintage whine aged in the finest crystal decanter )


Sep. 5th, 2011 07:07 am
kerpingtack: illustration for aladdin 1928 "Aladdin Saluted Her with Joy" (salut her with joy)
My sister sent me this convo through facebook. J=my brother, A=my sister, M=mom. Chorong is our cat. My brother is 10 years old btw lol.
There was some talk of Bieber today at the dinner table:
(Background: I was talking about a song "Never Again" and Mom asked if I was talking about the Justin Bieber song to which I said a solid NO)
J: How old is Justin Beaver?
A: It's 'Bieber,' not 'Beaver.'
M: Maybe 18.
A: No! He's younger than me! I know that!
J: Ah, so you can claim age superiority!
A: I can claim ALL superiority! No, just kidding, he sung pretty well before.
M: Yeah, he's talented.
A: But stupid.
J: Like Chorong!

we talk about his hair
J: Why is it weird?
A: It's just weird! It's like a really smooth weird hat.
J: Like a beaver hat?
A: Everyone really likes his hair for some reason.
J: They all have beaver fever! Beaver fever! The temperature is rising! It's gonna blow! kapushskdjflkasjhdfssoundeffects

M: What is that movie called?
A: I don't know - you're the one who watched it.
M: The one about the boy, beaver/bieber [I don't know what she said - keep in mind, it's mommy and we're eating]
A: Wait, about a BEAVER or about BIEBER.
M: BEE_ER. [I still have no clue but it sounded like 'beaver']
A: Beaver? Oh, I thought you meant Bieber. What movie? I don't remember any movie
M: You know, with him singing.
A: The singer or the animal?
J: Do the beavers have beaver fever?

card trick

Jul. 21st, 2011 09:37 pm
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)
Finishing an old entry on impulse. Really really long ramble about narratives, trying to change, and RPF. Completely unreadable, pls don't feel obligated AT ALL to go through it lol.

endless wonder )
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
(to my cousin) There are mouth-eating rollercoasters coming at you and you've been permanently transfigured into a sock. They've surrounded your house and they're going to eat you. You can get worn by some guy and walk out, but the rollercoasters will eat him but you'll be safe. Or you can stay and get eaten and the man will be safe. What do you do? And the man is your brother.

(again to my cousin) You have to sleep in the same bed as everyone in the world with ice cold feet. Your choices are to die and then no one will have ice cold feet anymore, or live. The ice cold feet mean they're crazy.
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (call it freedom in an old age)
I am the mopiest motherfucker at the moment. Not too mopey to avoid accidental alliterations though. *buffs nails against smoking jacket*

stormed at with shot and shell )

Words of wisdom from JJB: "The river was contaminated with amnesia.* If you fall it, you'll catch it."
*pronounced "am-nejsh-ya"


Jun. 28th, 2009 11:13 pm
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)
JJB and our 23-yr-old cousin have a hilarious relationship where they regularly insult each other. Um. I don't even know how to introduce this. OMFG.

JJB: *crawling all over Cousin's head* Your hair smells like --
Cousin: Pudding?
JJB: No... like fairy wigs.
Cousin: Your face looks like fairy diarrhea.
JJB: Your face looks like fairy AIDS!




Our cousin added that JJB had used "You have AIDS!" as an insult in a lightsaber fight. I swear to god I don't know where he gets this.
kerpingtack: alec baldwin in beetlejuice (CHEKRD SHRT + GLASSES = YES YES YES!!)
- Mellie is our cat.
- JJB is obsessed with this online RPG called Runescape.
- No one knows what he's talking about 75% of the time so I cannot offer you any explanations.

JJB: In Runescape you can whack people with a rubber chicken.
Me: You can whack people with a rubber chicken in real life.
JJB: But people don't know what a rubber chicken looks like! It's like a stick of cooked chicken, except rubber and you can whack people with it.

Mom: *gesturing at me and my siblings* You guys are all weird.
Me: *Significant Look at Mom* What do we all have in common?
JJB: We're all Korean!
JJB: And we all know about Runescape.
Mom: ... that's very true.

JJB: You can talk to cats in Runescape.
Me and Sister: *sporfles water*
JJB: It'll go.
JJB: *gazes off into middle distance*
JJB: Miaow.
JJB: *pause*
JJB: Miaow.
Me and Sister: *dies*
JJB: That's what the purple cat sounds like. It's purple because Maggie made it that way.
Me: Is that why you were asking about dyeing Mellie purple?!
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)
I am boxing myself in. It's like to test myself if I can still breathe or not. Sometimes, sometimes I really feel like I can't live with myself anymore. I don't know how to change though, I'm all dull and crumbling. The reasons I give myself are not strong enough.

Cheer and jocundity, eh? I revived my after almost two years. My profile there severely misrepresents my actual listening habits. For example, it says that Tori Amos is in my top 3 most played artists. WTF? Lord knows what that thing would look like if I had kept ~scrobbling~ all that time. 

I am the most boring person alive.

It's like this, you want to DO something but you're too scared to even start the things that you are actually required to do, things people will see and grade and judge. You secretly pull your punches with every shitty thing you say about yourself. You don't really believe them, not yet, but you know you can. It breaks you whenever someone so much as breathes near one of the thoughts in your head. "Yeah, I thought you would handle it worse." "You need to get your act together and focus." You know these things are true but you had hoped they weren't. So when someone said it out loud to you, you couldn't handle it. You're scared shitless of it happening again.

Replace all the you's with I's of course. Some people are really bugged by second person but I really like it, it sounds pretty natural to me. If only because I am virulently committed to disassociating myself and shirking responsibility whenever possible. In high school I used to default to second person all the time. From then to now I've gained more of an understanding that as much as I want to, I can't just watch myself and call if life, but with the increase in first person, I think it's also racheted up my egocentricism. And it just means that I use the passive voice more. I've picked up all the wrong points, probably.

SIGH! I'm cleaning out my Personal Junk desk drawer. Too many throwaway things written on too many papers.

Mom told me that "maguro" is not tuna
<Mom says it is tuna>
Dad: Maguro? Maguro is Japanese. Tuna is English. (after downing 2 shots)

The role of expectations
"The door ate the sky loudly but would not drop the ocean."
nerv. sys. sets limits of our perceptions
- color seen only in certain range
naive realism

better living through learning <--> better learning through living
What is algebra exactly is it those three-cornered things? - J.M. Barrie
How can we know the dancer from the dance? - W.B. Yeats
Where the telescope ends, the microscope begins. Which of the two has the grander view? - Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

Examples of why The Daily Bruin is a useless joke.
blurb that takes up a good fifth of the page: "[SPEAK OUT] Members of the UCLA men's soccer team were asked to state their favorite thing about November. Here are their responses."
W. T. F.
letters to the editor regarding some column by a Kelly Bowers called "Sarah Palin changes face of modern American feminism" which started off by saying "I am not a feminist." Oh, and it only got better after that. Keywords: whining, promiscuity, bra-burning. The letters are pretty ace though. "For a woman at this university (who would presumably be pleased with her equal opportunity that just a few decades ago was unavailable) to so proudly proclaim that she is not a feminist makes me even wonder why she is even here." I KNOW: because the world has a raging hard-on for douchebags. Why did this useless pedestrian piece of shit column get published in the first place? Come on, was there no one who could say the obvious? "You are an asshole and an idiot. We're not printing this. Don't let the door hit your ass on your way out~"

I had all this shredded cheese so I said what the hell and dumped it in my pancake mix. Now I'm eating the pancakes with canned mushrooms and Ikea lingonberry jam. It's pretty good. I'd like to say that it's college life~ but to be honest if I were at home with all other amenities, chances are that I still would've done this. I'm so LOL why not!? about food. Our whole family is. We're always eating expired crap. (Pancake mix: Oct 25 2008).

Right then, that's enough for now.
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)
My mom just drunk dialled me. Like so:
Me: Hi Mom.
Her: Hi daughter. Daughter, hi. (various combinations of these two words for like 30 seconds)
Me: Haha... hi Mom. What's going on?
Her: I drank a beer.
Me: What?
Her: I'm so drunk!

LOLOL my mom is the cutest person on the earth. She drinks once a year, if that, and she hardly ever gets drunk. "I feel kind of tingly inside and very emotional. And I'm so red. Even my toes." <3x1000 I called my sister to tell her to check up on our mom later so she should be alright. Ahahahahaaaaa, I love my mom.

Side note: Conversations I've had with both my mom and my dad in the past couple of years have recently made me realize, "Oh, I guess I'm becoming an adult to them." I feel like I'm faking it to some extent but in others I hope I'm living up to the challenge.

I've been thinking a lot about being the oldest child too. As usual I can't quite relate to the typical description of "the eldest." I've never felt a lot of pressure to set a good example (lololol obviously), or pressure from my parents in general. Instead the thing I've noticed about being the oldest is that you kind of serve as an intermediary between your parents and your siblings. I think even eldest children who have really fraught relationships with their parents have an understanding that their younger siblings don't have. I definitely have fought with my mom the most among my siblings (you don't really "fight" with JJB, you deal with him like a wrangler) but I like to think that I know her as a person best. Well, aha, maybe I'm just flattering myself. The other thing that I've personally noticed about being the oldest is the sense of memory and history your parents put in you. I'm aware that my parents sometimes see me specifically as their first child and for them I mark how much time has passed etc, and I was at the beginning when our family first became a family, and I remember things that my younger siblings can't. Especially things like Kevin. I guess what I'm trying to say is that some kind of family history seems to be invested in the oldest. Not inheritance-wise, but memory and formation of the fambly itself. Usually the oldest is the only one to have had the parents all to themselves. As you get older too, you're often the first one of your siblings to learn more of where the family is going and where it's been, just because you were first.

There seems to be two main courses for the oldest; you have an especial allegiance to the family or you want to distance yourself completely. Or both, they're not exclusive. I read somewhere (I think it was from Dan Savage) that most teenage runaways are really proud of their family and love them a lot. That surprised me a lot. I don't have a point, I'm just throwing this out there.

I watched a bunch of ANTM last week or whatever and I read a comment on one of the related youtube videos that said something like, "I wish Analeigh was my big sister, then she could protect me" and it had like five thumbs up. And once my younger girl cousin said that she wished her brother would stand up for her more. And the other day I was talking to streetmission about how we both kind of wondered what it would be like to have an older sibling. And I think mostly, kids who are the only child want a younger sibling to play with and take care of? There's something so wistful and like... sitting alone in your room about these imaginary sibling scenarios. Why siblings? Why not just friends? Why not parents? Siblings are somehow between the two? Having someone look after you in a non-institutionalized way? Wanting to look up to someone who is somehow "yours"? Or just having someone who is "yours." Different from parents b/c siblings are more exclusive? There must be something about the finite and relatively "pre-determined" nature of siblinghood (is this a word?) that makes it seem so special. It's also a world apart from the rest of the family (parents) and the public sphere (fronds). Being part of a family already implies an inherent connection that other relationships can't access or mimic. Whatever, don't laugh, but I'm going to pull out a useless Beatles reference: in the early pre-Beatles days, John Lennon and Paul McCartney played a bunch of small-ass shows together and called themselves the Nerk Twins. IDK WHY BUT I WAS LIKE HONESTLY ~MOVED~ BY THAT. Like, I found it very unaffectedly beautiful!! Even though it's just a fun dumb teenage boy name. I don't know. Close friends who wanted to make sense of their closeness, who wanted to name their connection, chose fambly. (Off-topic: STRUGGLING in SOCIETY to UNDERSTAND THEMSELVES. OMG.) I can't help but to think of siblings as people who want to become close. But I'm close to my siblings so... although, the same could be said if I wasn't close to my siblings too. Om nom nom fambly dynamics.
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
James Rabbit - In Love with the Idea
James Rabbit seriously keeps getting better to me with every new song I hear and they didn't start off half-bad. I like how jittery and jangly they are! "Starting with the song -- WHOOHAOOO!"

Ida - Maybelle
This song is so beautiful, it's like being hit over the head with piece of cement. It is that striking (badum-psh) and that unfair. "Lo~ok at me -- am I still the one you wanted me to be?"

George Harrison - My Sweet Lord
Speaking of beautiful. I HELLA DIDN'T KNOW that THIS "My Sweet Lord" was the same "My Sweet Lord" that Nina Simone sang (which I love love love so so so much... much much) until yesterday when I uh heard the song. It is too good. Like, "George Harrison, you fucking bastard, why did you write such a perfect song?? I can't handle it!!" good. "Hallelujah, Hare Krishna."
one more! Nina Simone - My Sweet Lord

Jib Kidder - Atleatoric (full mix)

I'm going to embarrass myself trying to describe Jib Kidder. They do sampling in the vein of the Avalanches. Keep in mind that I don't really know what sampling is, and I've only heard six Avalanches songs. Okay, whatever, all you need to know is that JIB KIDDER IS AWESOME. "We rockin' stillettos."
one more! Jib Kidder - Windowdipper
There's a reason why everyone blogs this.

Helicopter Helicopter - Trembling God

I think this song could be stronger, but the chorus is still extremely satisfying for me. "You were almost something, and I was trapped like a trembling god."

Neko Case - People Got A Lotta Nerve

This is one of my favorites from Middle Cyclone. I sort of can't believe Neko Case is real. She is so effortlessly sincere and warm and powerful at the same time and it is too amazing for life. "So the saying says, an elephant never forgets."

Lastly, my sister sent me the best song.

In domestic news: WHY DIDN'T LIBRARY GUY EVEN SAY HI TO ME WHEN WE WERE AT WORK TOGETHER FOR TWO FUCKING HOURS??? I wanted him to say hi to me so bad. Fuck I don't want to be this creepy fixated person!! I don't want to want him to be my boyyyyfriend but that is what is happening. I was seriously freaking out those whole two hours. It was excruciating and also, CREEPY. STOP BEING WEIRD, SELF!! I cannot afford to flip out every Wednesday. Library Guy needs to be decapitalized in my world to just a library guy. That conversation was just a conversation to him like one he has with lots of people because he is a charming and frondly guy. It wasn't like THE SAVING GRACE OF HIS QUARTER like it was for me, since he has normal human interactions like a NORMAL PERSON. I don't even have friends. OMG. I wish he said hi to me.

I've fucked off of Supernatural, the show but I am keeping up with Supernatural, the cast because MISHA COLLINS IS AN AMAZING PERSON AND I LOVE HIM. Seriously, why is he on that show though? Is it some kind of experiment for him? Because he is like way out of their league in terms of AWESOME. (I still have not gotten over the fact that he co-produced Loot. That is pretty goddamn choice.) Oh and he is all aware of (some of) the super-cloud of poisonous misogyny/sexism surrounding Supernatural. Dude I just want him to BREAK FANDOM.

Dear diary, I still hate old people. In unrelated news, I am also still going to hell.

I have no motivation for life at the moment. NOTHING IS WORTH IT. Reading is not worth it, lectures are not, work is not. Ugh whether I do or go to any of those things doesn't affect anyone but me, and THOSE THINGS DON'T MATTER TO ME. (Flash-forward to the end of the quarter where I will be a distraught crycat about this major fucking up, but at the moment, life motto is FUCK IT, WHATEVER.) I don't want to do anything but eat. My healthy life!

It's weird to see your opinions change, especially if you don't remember what your past opinions were in the first place. I've been cleaning out various documents on the computer machine and I ran into a couple of things I said about the Beatles that I TOTALLY DO NOT REMEMBER SAYING. They are really LOL WTF. For instance, I had saved a [ profile] rocksecret that said, "The more I listen to other bands, the more overrated they seem" over a picture of the Beatles. And I had named that picture, "i agree with this." WHAT?! STFU, past!self. Ugh that word, "overrated." Pshaw. Also, from an IM conversation from last year, I said that I didn't know if I had a favorite Beatle was (okay) but I knew for sure that if I did, it wasn't Paul (WHAT?!). I said it all snotty too! LOLOL whaaaaat. For the record, Paul is sort of my favorite now. My opinions about him from two months ago have changed, never mind a year. So many pointless thoughts I have about this! Shortcut: I love Paul, I think he is Misunderstood (of course only I and a select few Understand him), and he is a ridiculous person. Why is there such pressure to pick a favorite anyway? Category fetishism is just too delicious I suppose.

However the more things change, the more they say the same. October 2006!
counttheplanes: dude, whenever i'm talking to anyone these days all i can think is OMGOMGOMGOMG WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO OMG WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY NEXT OMGGG!!!!

LOL oh my brains.
counttheplanes: zomg at today's history lecture my ta sat next to me and i TOTALLY did not notice it was him until 3/4 of the way through
relivingstars: were you sleeping or something?
counttheplanes: i was all doodling and yawning and really obviously not paying attn
relivingstars: ah
counttheplanes: hopefully he is dumb too and didn't think i looked familiar
relivingstars: ah... eh, he'll get over it.... prolly doesnt care
relivingstars: heh
relivingstars: maybe he doodles in class, too?
counttheplanes: no, he was taking notes
counttheplanes: actually i thought some guy two rows ahead of me was him
counttheplanes: "he looks hotter today... nice"
counttheplanes: "the guy next to me sort of looks like him too... even has a cast on his arm like he did-- wait."
relivingstars: LAWL
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)
I'm taking a 1 unit seminar class on interactive media, from the dept. of Design and Media Arts (omg so much secks already). I thought it was going to be about media that facilitates human interaction, like the internets and whatnot, but it's actually about media -- that is interactive! Fancy that! I don't know why I'm being all sarcastic. Like, media that involves both the human and the system in mutual, simultaneous activity, in that the system responds to the human and the human likewise responds to the system. So we're talking about computers, video games, experiment art/installations, etc. It's really cool.

Ugh long intro. FROM THE READING:

[...] Another solution [for interactivity] that aimed at using the specific nature of television broadcasting was Oliver Hirschbiegel's Morderische Entscheidung - Unschalten erwunscht (1991), a murder mystery broadcast simultaneously on two television channels. The channels looked at the same events from different points of views (linked to the movements of the two protagonists), so the spectator was expected to zap constantly between the channels. His/her understanding of the story depended on this alternation (having access to two TV sets would have spoiled the idea).

omg badass. BADASS. IDK why I wrote up all that background stuff; you don't need to read it to know that this idea is BADASS.

In 1991, the French artist Alain Fleischer presented his "unfinished film" La femme au miroir (The Woman in the Mirror) in an exhibition called Les Arts Etonnants. A 16mm film was projected directly at the audience, who used little pocket mirrors to bounce it piece by piece to the screen. This extremely low-tech solution, obviously a late echo of the "expanded cinema" of the late 1960s, produced one of the most effective experiments in audience interactivity the author has experienced. It created an 'organic' mosaic-like image that was constantly fluctuating between order and chaos, shifting from representational to nearly abstract and back again. The continuing effort to align the mirrors correctly led to intensive interaction between anonymous audience memebers. Instead of trying to change the course of the narrative, the purpose was the reconstruct the 'lost' unity of the film, a goal that was possible to achieve only momentarily. The mode of interaction chosen by Fleischer was perfectly suited for a work that dealt with the fragility and instability of identity - obviously, not just of the protagonist, but of the spectator as well. The identity itself is a 'projection', always in flux and at risk of losing its integrity.

OMG SO MUCH SECKS. JUST SO MUCH. OMMMG AMAZING. I don't know wtf the ~obvious~ "expanded cinema" of the late 1960s is but ommmmmg if it's this amazing I want to. People are so rad.

The reading btw was written by the prof. teaching the class and he's really nice and it's all just super-cool.
kerpingtack: green glass window installations (treatment)
Oh Dolly P., sing the truth. SING IT.

I am drowning in music. The discography tags on [ profile] indie_exchange are going to be the death of me. SOMEONE POSTED THE JOURNEY DISCOGRAPHY. MOTHERFUCKING JOURNEY!! AND THE SAME PERSON POSTED THE EUROPE DISCOGRAPHY TOO. EUROPE!! SOOO GOOD OMFG. DROWWWWNING

I cannot however find a fucking Sam Cooke album. Or anything Kokia. Or anything Shiina Ringo. I'm not too surprised about the last two, but wherefore no Sam Cooke??

I am cleaning out my room b/c my aunt is moving in on Sunday. Or possibly tomorrow. I CAN'T THROW ANYTHING OUT OMG. "What if I need it someday???" When, self? When would you need a super-frilly pink short sleeve blouse? Maybe I'll go to party where the theme is frills omg get off my back. Also I have like all my Academic Decathalon stuff, LOLOL. I never even read them the first time around! Sighh.

I did concoct an outfit that looks ridiculously nineties. It looks like a very misguided attempt at being like ~corporate casual~.


Listen guys, lord knows I love the disco, but now they are touring with Dashboard Confessional and "the Plain White T's" and "the Cab." It's just not good times.

Alright why not:

the thing is, it wasn't even that late )

We are intellectuals.
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)

Some bitch this morning left the water on while she carefully massaged every particle of her stupid soap into every pore of her stupid face. RARRRGGHHHH.

Fact: the sinks on my floor are arranged onto counters; they aren't free-standing basins.
Problem: PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING. How are the counters wet ALL THE TIME? WHAT DO PEOPLE DO TO IT? What are people putting on it to make it so wet? Disgusting: hair in the sink. Most disgusting: hair floating in puddles on the wet ALL THE TIME counters.

Fact: you should not be allowed to shower if you cannot TURN OFF THE WATER. SO MUCH DRIPPING, ALL THE TIME. EVERYTHING DISGUSTING ALL THE TIME.

I have to get back into my note-taking groove. Things were moving fast this morning in lecture! I feel a bit of a fool now because during Thursday's lecture, the prof was like "Logic is one of those subjects where a lot of people will find easy as pie and a lot of people will struggle enormously wif" and I was like PAH! I am in the first category of people, as I like pie and can do those logic puzzles within like... three days. That's ~talent~. But as it turns out I think I might be in the second category! I was just realizing I should be going "wait... what?" as everyone else was nodding like bobbleheads. Genius bobbleheads. Suzie is taller than Jane but shorter than the child wearing the brown shirt. The boy living in the red house is neither the oldest nor the youngest!!!!

I read this sort of upsetting article in the Daily Bruin (which, BTW, is okay what? kind of newspaper is that? are they serious about some of those articles?) about this 85-year old man who had been found to be a former Nazi guard. (It's this story.) He's been living in the US since 1955 with his wife and federal authorities have begun deportation proceedings. On the one hand, um, Nazis. And principles, and symbols, and that deep scar on humanity. But on the other... he's really old y'all, it seems a little much somehow. I guess, since they're not pressing criminal charges, just deporting him, it makes sadsense. The article was sympathetic to him too, and threw in random fax like how he's hard of hearing and has heart problems and has to use a walker. I will ruminate upon this longarr.

I was at one of the main student hubs, waiting for the person selling the Women's Studies textbook, and thus got the joy of hearing a local/student band (?) play. They were REALLY loud and might as well been Taking Back Sunday, they sounded exaaaactly like them, except with a less nasal singer. They were pretty amusing though. (I couldn't tell who was talking when, they all sounded the same pretty much. Whatevs.)

Guy 1: We're playing this for the blood drive... they were nice enough to have us, um...
Guy Who I Suspect Was the Singer: Yeah, so go donate blood! Rock out with your blood out!!
(That would've been heee enough, but not much later!)
Guy Who Enjoys Cramming His Foot Inside His Mouf and May or May Not Have Been Suspected Singer: At least we're getting paid for this... it's not like we necessarily want to be here...
Diplomatic Guy: *quietly* Uh, yeah we do.

Singer (right after finishing a song): I liked that part in the first chorus when everbody came in and we sounded like Britney Spears... except not so *unintelligble noise*. That was awesome...
*other members of the band, all at once*
Guy 1: I wasn't singing...
Guy 2: No.
Guy 3: What the hell are you talking about?!

Singer: So, we are no longer the Emo Vaginas... we're back to being the [whatever the band name is, it had the word "Halo" in it I think]. Unless you don't like us. Then we're... Fall Out Boy.
Guy 1: We could be Fall Out Boy.
Singer: Yeah, I could be Fall Out Boy... *disdainfully* If I gained, like, 150 pounds.

Guy 1: If you don't think we suck that bad, come pick up a CD. It's free!
Guy 2: Yeah, and it's pretty. So even if you think we do suck, you can at least have a cool coaster.
Guy 1: Or a frisbee!

I have to admit, they had won me over by this point. They weren't playing to many people and they weren't that brain-gougingly terrible, considering who they sounded like. They weren't inept with their instruments at least. I thought about picking up a CD but. Okay I know I just said that they weren't so bad, but for real, they were giving me a monstrous headache and I couldn't freaking take it anymore, I HAD TO LEAVE THAT AREA ENTIRELY. I was late meeting my textbook person but it was worth saving my brains.

Scene: A little over an hour ago, waiting 4000000 hours for my sammich to be made at Bruin Cafe.
Me: *sucking vacantly at my drink, delirious from hunger and fatigue* OH GINGER ALE!!! You make me feel ALIVE. I love you soooooo much ginger ale, you are always sooooo gooooooood.
Seriously, I thought about how good ginger ale was for a solid minute. I was spacing out so hard. In fact I was l     i     k      e                      t                           h                         i                              s                            ~            


kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
counting at war

September 2017

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