kerpingtack: i'm a poseur about this i've only seen the cartoon twice (hepcat)
NOTHING IN THE WORLD GETS THE OL' "POST AN ENTRY" PAGE FIRED UP LIKE PROCRASTINATION

MY PROBLEM IS:
- I have a weird, lumpy head
- I don't photograph well!!!!
- Not like I am such a spring chicken in person, either, but in pictures I always look like I was sausaged into my body two minutes before the picture is taken and I don't know how to hold myself or move my face like a human being.
- I'M ALWAYS TIRED
- AND I NEVER WANT TO DO ANY WORK
- BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE ANYTHING
- EXCEPT CATS AND LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY
- AND I'M GONNA BE 27 SOON, which is a minimum of 7 years too old for how bad at life I am
- Lack of ambition, lack of conviction, lack of courage = cowardly stagnation
- Why do I keep eating meat? Why can't I make principled decisions?
- I keep picking at my legs and they're pocked with scratches now :c
- I sneeze a lot

Well. On the flipside, ideal compliments 4 me (rehashed from twittar):
- Cats are really comfortable around you!
- The effort you put into your appearance is adequate. (a la Jack Donaghy: Your hair is.... fine.)
- You make excellent emoticon choices.
- The things that you like are all charming and speak well of you; the things you dislike are all legitimately terrible and deserve every bit of your enmity.
- You are really good at petting cats!
- You have great taste in sunglasses/lipstick/earrings.
- Your handwriting should be a font!!
- You take good, comprehensive notes.
- EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING IS OKAY. YOU'RE STRUGGLING BECAUSE YOU HAVE SO MUCH AHEAD OF YOU, IT'S LIKE A CAKE THAT'S SO GIANT YOU CAN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE THAT IT'S A CAKE. DON'T BE SILLY GIRL, YOU'RE A MIRACLE.

aksdjfajsfd;laskjdf;kqjer;kljqerk;ljq;kwelfj;kljdf;laskjdfljweroiqerkljsfd;kljasdfk;ljasfkjsk;dlj noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo it's already eleven and I haven't made any progress on my two NON-OPTIONAL goals for the night. TT_________________________TT WHY DO I NEVER LEARN? WHY ARE ALL MY ACTIONS PREDICATED ON WHETHER I WANT TO DO THEM? I NEVER WANT TO DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kerpingtack: police frog doodle (copper)
Since my soash of family professor takes forever to say a lot of nothing I usually end up doodling or outlining things I want to talk about. It makes zero difference but I wrote this a couple of days ago and forgot to switch it out of private lock. wot wot wot

as usual 75% is kpop )
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
I AM GOING BONKERS OMG WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME

IF I CANNOT FINISH THIS PAPER TODAY

I WILL

LITERALLY

DIE

WHY IS THIS SO HARD, I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS CONTINUOUSLY LIKE NIGHT AND DAY FOR TWO WEEKS AND IT IS STILL NOT FINISHED AND IT IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE 6 - 10 PAGES DOUBLE-SPACED WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

AND NOW MY EARS ARE RINGING!!! GREAT I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE A STROKE OR SOMETHING THAT IS GREAT

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE 5 HOURS OF SLEEP I'VE BEEN AVERAGING FOR THE PAST WEEK OR THE CAN OF CHERRY COKE I JUST DRANK

CAPS CAPS CAPS

I AM SO SAD IN MY HEART RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! THIS PAPER IS NEVER GOING TO BE FINISHED 

LOOK AT ALL MY TAGS, I HOPE THEY ARE AS LONG AS THE ACTUAL ENTRY

WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY AND WHY ARE THEY ALL SO RELEVANT

HOBO CORN

OBAMA'S ICY GLAMOUR

BILLY IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
I am awake right now because... why? WHY. I have like twelve thousand things to do for the Korean school student exhibition tonight and I'm not doing any of it, as I am very busy being too tired to sleep!!!!!!!

I've been running every other day for the past few weeks but I've missed a few days due to the weather/not giving a fuck and it's making me fucking anxious. Why am I so crazy??? LET IT GO SELF. YOU RAN, IT'S ENOUGH. voice in head: you'll never get anywhere in life! you can't commit to shit! also you are fat! OMG WHY AM I SO CRAZY. I KNOW THESE ARE NOT GOOD THINGS TO THINK. WHY CAN I NOT STOP THINKING THEM

Every day/week/torturous lifetime is sooo up and down. I read a couple volumes of Yotsuba&! and felt cute as hell today driving to my mom's office because I had a braid in my hair (I LOVE BRAIDS) and I was spazzing out to Ted Leo's Bottled in Cork. I had a non-failure interaction with this dude at my mom's office (I 'helped' him find a client file for a James Brown, owww we felt good dunuhnuhnuhnuhnuh). Oh but by late afternoon I felt more like myself and right now I feel cold and hungry and tired.

I HAVE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH I SUCK AS A PERSON. OMFG

ummmm I love Parks & Recreation. Leslie is my most best favorite!!!! I love her. And I seriously love how the show lets other people love her too. Like, Leslie is clearly a pure beam of light, and I love how the other characters recognize and respond to it. There's so much genuine understated affection on that show. <3___<3 LOL I am still waiting for Ben to prove that he is good enough for Leslie. Prove yourself, Adam Scott's Endearing Face. Also I am dying for Andy/April to work out. And Rob Lowe/Ann Perkins. It's a good thing that Rob Lowe seems to play that kind of character often, because he definitely should be THAT GUY all the time.
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
THAT IS ALL.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "IS THAT ALL?" WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED

NASH
VILLE
CATS
~~~
!!!!!!!

AUUUUGH

Nov. 9th, 2009 12:53 pm
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
GODDAMNIT I JUST FUCKED UP

This squishy-cute cool guy from San Francisco messaged me, and I replied back, except then (because I'm a loser) I re-read what I wrote 10 minutes later, panicked that maybe I sounded bitchy, AND THEN FLIPPED OUT AND WROTE HIM A SPAZZY APOLOGY EMAIL THAT ENDED WITH "KINDLY PRETEND THAT THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN" BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. AUUUGHHH AWKWARDDDDDDD.

Okay I need to stop hanging around OkCupid. It is turning me into a bigger creeper than I already am. o____o
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (call it freedom in an old age)
The subject line ^ was the title of an "article" from some trashy celebrity gossip site. It was a bunch of pictures of Evangeline Lilly carrying a surfboard. Her arm wasn't long enough to hold it securely so I guess she had to keep readjusting her hold? I'll always remember it because LOL WTF, what a weird fucking thing to say about somebody. Let alone put together an "article" for.

Still no internet in my room. LE SIGH. I'm on campus right now, flying on AirBears~ (<-- name of Berkeley's wireless network. No, I'm not joking.)

I'm pretty drained. These past two weeks have been rough as hell.

I watched Joshua on Friday. UMMM YOU SHOULD EXPECT TERRIBLE THINGS FROM THIS MOVIE. It was seriously bad-feeling-making. I was kind of distraught at the ending. The feeling of D: stayed with me for a long time, and I started thinking about it last night and got all creeped out and had to think about, like, pillows shaped like cats to wash the taste off my brain. Why the fuck does Sam Rockwell have to be so endearing?! AGH.

I also watched the first three episodes of Flight of the Conchords, season 2. The show's a lot tighter this time around. The humor is sometimes a bit broader too. LOLOL I love Murray. And Bret is still insanely attractive to me. His t-shirts have gotten even uglier. <3___<3

Yesterday I had an EPIIIIC camwhoring session with like 60+ photos. Key words for discussion: seeking attention, vanity, internet culture, physical appearances, fake modesty. By now I can recognize that I am not physically ugly, but I don't think I'm pretty. I think I can look pretty. This "can" vs. "be" distinction has been a big issue for me lately. I was thinking about JJB last week and how my sister and I are always yelling at him to stop being annoying (because omg HE IS SO FING ANNOYING SOMETIMES) and I was all worried that it might be crushing his spirit and whatnot. So I told him something like "JJB, you CAN be annoying, but you yourself are not annoying. It's hard to change the things you are, but you can change things you can be. Sorry for yelling so much. :<" Yeah I didn't make much sense. I don't think JJB quite got it either. But we hugged and it was coo'. ANYWAAAY: I think I can look pretty, which is what enables me to camwhore and put the photos up for other people to see. It's about constructing a positive image of yourself as secretly and selectively as possible. If I thought that I was pretty, or conversely, that I was fug, I wouldn't do this shit. But I'm in that space where I'm still not SURE and am desperately seeking validation. Like "haha, I look dumb and terrible, but not as dumb and terrible as I did in the 50 pictures I deleted, so yes, these are the acceptable pictures of me! Ahaha they're still cute right, and you don't hate me for ~showing off too much beauty~ and complaining about it, right? RIGHT?? OMG PLS THINK I'M PRETTY. PLS LIKE ME!!!!" Umm yeahhhh. >__> Camwhoring is about insecurity!

I tried starting a picspam of Beatles Hitching Their Legs Up Awkwardly High (a trend spotted by [profile] fitz_carraldo's keen eye) but apparently I don't have any such pictures?? *rolls up sleeves* Time to hunt.

Yahoo: "Obama's cool may be melting. The president's icy glamour is starting to wear off, and the White House is getting feisty."
Seriously, who writes these things? Isn't Yahoo one of the biggest websites in the world? Wat?

Ahhhh there's a post on ableism and using the word "lame." I've been trying to curb my usage of "lame" and other words like it for a while now. (Operating on my general rules of thumb that a) it's not okay to assume that words aren't hurtful just because they're used a lot and their social meanings aren't discussed; and b) if you're not part of the original group the word was meant for, you can't reclaim it (paraphrasing Jay Smooth.)) It is really hard though! Ableism is so engrained in our language, it is pretty ridic. Probably because ableism is quite overlooked/invisible? :< Okay, I'm renewing my commitment to stop being an asshole. There are a lot of really useful substitutes suggested in that link.

Fuck man I've been dying these past two weeks. I didn't know I had anything left to get kicked out from under me but I guess I do. It's pretty hard to learn that you can't rely on anyone. I think the difference between "on your own" and "alone" is in ability. Three guesses on which side I fall on, hurr hurr. I am throwing a pity party over here. Ugh, right, let's move on.

Obligatory Beatles-y mention:
(wrt Paul's recent concert in Halifax)
That concert was epic. There were just as many people on the streets and sidewalks and the Citadel as there were on the Common, open liquor everywhere, cars stopped with their four-ways on in the middle of the road, and the police seriously did not give a fuck about any of it. Paul McCartney/Halifax = OTP.
(here)
AWW. I love the shit out of that kind of stuff.
(I wonder if my blogging etiquette is okay? Is copy+pasting comments cool? I operate on "well they're never going to find out" but this is the internet, you can never really be certain of that. Mmmmm oh well, they're never going to find out!)

UM ALSO! BABY JAGUARS. I DID NOT KNOW THEY WERE SO CUTE. AHHMG.

I am cliiiiiiiiiiinging. I don't have anything left to check, do, or say on the internet but I don't want to go back to my sad, internetless room. It smells like sweat and feet. :(
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)

Missing: one sock.

I'm going crazy. I talked to myself SO MUCH yesterday. I seriously did not mean to; I was just saying things as I thought them. It was mostly "what the fuck is going on? I'm confused" statements, and no one was around me.

There was something else that occurred to me while I was in discussion but I forgot, tee hee.  

Also I read more ontd than my interests should dictate, as in I will click cuts about things I absolutely do not care about just to read the comments or... something. 

I think it's because I've been having to wake up at 8 and 9 everyday ('cept weekends) bicuz of my classes, and my system is so not used to it. It keeps crashing. I keep staying up to *mumble* all the time. 

I just had my 9 to 10:30 class, I have class at 1 - 2, 2 - 3, then 4 - 5, then my major workshop from 5 - 6:30. I WOKE UP AT 7:30 TODAY. 

Ira Glass sometimes says bizarre things. 

I might be going home on Friday for the weekend, but 'm not sure.  

My mamma's 50th birthday is on October 27th. I'm pretty sure I'm going up there. I want her to have a big ol' thing, but am unsure of how to go about planning one. I want to reserve a big room in a Korean restaurant and have a kareoke machine!! I think I'll call my uncle and aunt to ask how to go about doing that. It depends if we're going to stay home then or go to my cousin's house (in Mtnview, so in proximity to actual Korean restaurants.) It's very gauche to make my mom plan for it. I suppose I should consult my dad as well. I'm not sure what to do about her present either! I will make her an elaborate card, I think. That's about the extent of my capabilities.

Frosted Flakes with soy milk is so fucking good. I hate the dining halls' bowls, I can't drink the milk wif them. THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

Why am I here? Where the fuck is my life going? How am I going to be successful? The money is such a waste

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