kerpingtack: mizuno ami & kino makoto chibi fanart (tired of studying)
Graduation today! Writing a lj/dw post was on my "to do" list before the ceremony to help get closure. Very mix of emotions. Many thin feelings that cannot be caught. 

List: 
  • Guilt because I feel like I don't really deserve it? I didn't put much effort into it, refused to really commit, and I fucked up my comprehensive exam. 
  • Wondering whether I should have told my dad: that ship has sailed anyway. So now wondering if I should tell my dad. I won't, but I'm still wondering lol.
  • Sadness because it's another chapter closing. Unless something goes terribly wrong in my life, this was my last year of school and my last chance to become a good student. Wasted potential. 
But I did finish, and the program helped me open up a lot. I definitely became more comfortable talking during the last three years. Someone even nominated me to be one of the two student speakers at this ceremony, LOL. I did not respond to the nomination, but it was kind of nice. 

I don't know. I feel like I've lost the ability to trace or evaluate my thought processes. And, like many many people across the globe to-day, I feel overwhelming and suffocating anxiety about the Times We Live In. How do "we" communicate and enact and protect our values? Stuff (SOCIETY! CIVILIZATION!!) only works if there is a common understanding, a consensus, THE SOCIAL CONTRACT. You can't stop to let a car through if the other lane doesn't stop, either. hashtag chronic stress, hashtag late stage capitalism, hashtag why. Like... how do we function and live IN the world when so many people just have no interest in ever ever ever listening? Like people whose reality is built ONLY around responding to their own deep festering hurt, and won't incorporate logic or compassion because it doesn't serve their... principles? idk what the word is. I'm not really asking "what's the ~point~ of empathy" but like... where will it take us, on a global scale? Where does it all go, when the Dark Heart of Humanity just gets deeper and darker? I believe that it all matters, that we have to shape our immediate reality by our day-to-day behaviors, but I also believe that humanity is doing too little, too late and we're actively setting ourselves back from even that minimal amount. 

Good lord, how is this post supposed to help me get ~mindful~ closure???

I put my hand against my neck, my thumb on my throat, and I think about how hard it is to reach myself. Let alone another person. A totally distinct, disparate human being! It doesn't feel alienating though; I feel humbled. I want to make whole other post about IU's Twenty-three and Palette, but for now, the part of Palette that touches me the most is "But still - I was pretty when I sang Good Day,"  saying it like "I saw that I was, wasn't I?" and her singing G-Dragon's rap during her live performances. "Jieun-ah." I've just always like that concept, of being able to stretch your hand through the hazy ~veil~ of time to your previous self and be able to see that you were just so young, and you needed love and support, and you deserved it then and you deserve it now. How to step outside yourself and see that you are just a person, who has fundamental worth, and aren't you somehow wonderful for even being able to recognize that? Doesn't it feel good to use your heart for yourself? There is something really tender about it.

idk, I still feel a lot of shame and derision about old memories, and each time they pop up in my head (which is pretty often, because of anxiety and school and social incompetence), I just feel like running a sword straight through past!me. Seeing all the stuff that's obvious to me now but was totally unknown and inaccessible to me then. Time is like running water that softens the sting of the really embarrassing stuff. Nothing changes the ~past~ but perspective, and it's not like your past mistakes get better, but you're just able to embrace yourself. Like sticking yourself with metaphorical blades doesn't serve a purpose for you anymore - it doesn't obliterate what actually happened, who you actually were then. And the pain you cause yourself stops becoming a virtue, and is instead just itself. "Be who you needed when you were younger" + "As adults, we try to develop the traits that would have saved our parents." 

Ugh now it's 4:00pm and I have to go to rehearsa! I didn't get to what I wanted in this post. I wanted to feel restful at the end of it lol. Oh well, what the hell. 
 

kerpingtack: i'm a poseur about this i've only seen the cartoon twice (hepcat)
NOTHING IN THE WORLD GETS THE OL' "POST AN ENTRY" PAGE FIRED UP LIKE PROCRASTINATION

MY PROBLEM IS:
- I have a weird, lumpy head
- I don't photograph well!!!!
- Not like I am such a spring chicken in person, either, but in pictures I always look like I was sausaged into my body two minutes before the picture is taken and I don't know how to hold myself or move my face like a human being.
- I'M ALWAYS TIRED
- AND I NEVER WANT TO DO ANY WORK
- BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE ANYTHING
- EXCEPT CATS AND LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY
- AND I'M GONNA BE 27 SOON, which is a minimum of 7 years too old for how bad at life I am
- Lack of ambition, lack of conviction, lack of courage = cowardly stagnation
- Why do I keep eating meat? Why can't I make principled decisions?
- I keep picking at my legs and they're pocked with scratches now :c
- I sneeze a lot

Well. On the flipside, ideal compliments 4 me (rehashed from twittar):
- Cats are really comfortable around you!
- The effort you put into your appearance is adequate. (a la Jack Donaghy: Your hair is.... fine.)
- You make excellent emoticon choices.
- The things that you like are all charming and speak well of you; the things you dislike are all legitimately terrible and deserve every bit of your enmity.
- You are really good at petting cats!
- You have great taste in sunglasses/lipstick/earrings.
- Your handwriting should be a font!!
- You take good, comprehensive notes.
- EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING IS OKAY. YOU'RE STRUGGLING BECAUSE YOU HAVE SO MUCH AHEAD OF YOU, IT'S LIKE A CAKE THAT'S SO GIANT YOU CAN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE THAT IT'S A CAKE. DON'T BE SILLY GIRL, YOU'RE A MIRACLE.

aksdjfajsfd;laskjdf;kqjer;kljqerk;ljq;kwelfj;kljdf;laskjdfljweroiqerkljsfd;kljasdfk;ljasfkjsk;dlj noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo it's already eleven and I haven't made any progress on my two NON-OPTIONAL goals for the night. TT_________________________TT WHY DO I NEVER LEARN? WHY ARE ALL MY ACTIONS PREDICATED ON WHETHER I WANT TO DO THEM? I NEVER WANT TO DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
kerpingtack: i'm a poseur about this i've only seen the cartoon twice (hepcat)
I googled "what kind of a bird is a robin" for the subject line lol. "American Robins are gray-brown birds with warm orange underparts and dark heads." WARM ORANGE UNDERPANTS! I had no idea that "underpants" was a proper descriptive term in zoology... ornithology (googled that too)... birdology (did not have to google that).

Anyway my day in twitter:

what am i doing? what am i doing? what what what am i doing? with my life? as a person? existing??

fuck up --> regret, overanalysis, sadness --> learn nothing --> fuck up --> regret, overanalysis, sadness --> learn nothing --> fuck up...

am i a good person? what does that even mean? does it mean anything that i keep thinking about this? question mark?

i feel like no matter all the rest, what's important is how you treat people. but i don't treat people very well? either on an interpersonal level (utterly incompetent and/or cold) or... on an activist? level (complacent/apathetic).

i guess i feel in turmoil lately because i thought that it was better to do nothing than actively do something wrong/hurtful. but i'm slowly realizing in a real, concrete way that doing nothing sometimes IS the most wrong/hurtful thing, that it just shuts things down. i mean i knew that as an abstract concept, but i experienced it and it's caught up to me.

i guess i attach too much meaning to things lol. prolly to avoid actually Doing Stuff. just sit there and obsess over ~implications~

i'm not actually that bummed out right now, i just can't think of anything else to talk about lol

TUSK!!!

Everyone is posting about Captain America 2 and meta always tricks me into caring more than I would normally, so yeah that's where I am all day, everyday now. I've read SOOOO MUCH FIC. Like literally at least the full first twenty pages in ao3, both sorted by kudos and by date updated lololol. God I am so good at being fixated. 

OH OKAY so I went to facebook and scrolled down my newsfeed for the first time in months and of course I see a post from the local animal rescue, with a cat that looks like Tom Tom, who is apparently very sweet and whose owner died instantly in a hit and run accident. The owner had rescued him when he was a tiny kitten and now he is alone in the world. Facebook always brings GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!! I'm always happy to be updated about the world!!!!!!!!!!

You know what's exhausting about me is that, like, I just keep thinking "why can't I do this? why is this so hard for me?" What don't I understand? If I could just find that latch, just that one thing, it would unravel at least a chunk, and then I wouldn't have to feel like I'm struggling just to get from this minute to the next. Maybe there's nothing to understand. But then how do I know what to do? Because I don't have anything I WANT to do, just things I want to avoid. So what's the motivation, if not emotions/intuition? Logic - what makes sense, what do I understand of this situation and what's the next step. Just like, WHAT DO I FUCKING DO??? WHAT DO I DO TO BE A PERSON? 
kerpingtack: illustration for aladdin 1928 "Aladdin Saluted Her with Joy" (salut her with joy)
ceci n'est pas un pipe: scattered half-assed meta attempt for Jonghyun )
 
note: under constant neverending edit (NOT EXAGGERATING)
note @ 110723: wow I think I may actually be able to leave this alone now. it's as complete as it's gonna get, beside some ~supplemental source posts I've decided to lose my mind over :d
kerpingtack: google image of stained glass (candy floss)

Ugh I want EVERYONE to be touching and loving him ALL THE TIME. This is why I have to ship him with everything, there can never be enough love for him for my liking. EVERYONE LOVE HIM ALL THE TIME OMG. Plus, his body is as always too good to be true. That tiny waist omg. PLUS, TAEMIN TOUCHING HIM. (LOL the captions say "Taemin, thank you so much" when he pulls back Jonghyun's shirt.) Has Taemin been more touchy lately? I can't really tell because I don't pay that much attention to him but it seems like there's been a bit more casual Taemin-initated contact? Question mark? PLUS, THIS FUCKING PAPER UGH GOD I HATE MY LIFE

... other vids I've been watching
Jonghyun and Minho hug out of nowhere during the first concerts. I love that Jonghyun got OVERWHELMED with all his feelings during the concert and Minho picked up on that and hugged it out to ground him. And Minho yells "Jonghyunnie-hyung is/it's fine!" at the end of it (or some approximation of that). It reminds me of Key's shout-out to him during A-Yo, which in turns reminds me of the way the both them traded off yelling out Jonghyun's name over and over when they won for RDD when Jonghyun was out with the swine flu. Goddamnit someone write that 1000000 word Hello Baby outtake dynamic fic!! Ah god the way Jonghyun closes his eyes and just is ~in the hug~. It was a hard year for him and I think the concerts gave him (and ~the fans~) a lot of closure. And of course ever since the concerts it's been non-stop flirting between these two on-stage. LOL it's just their thing now I guess. BEST OTP 
Jonghyun cut at Immortal Song 2 press conference. I want this job. I could totally watch boring footage of idols and narrate dumb captions over it. Jonghyun provides a lot of good material because he's almost always DOING something. Is there anything going on in his head when he makes those random faces? (I know there's nothing going on in mine when I do it lol.) I'm obviously biased but I'm always amazed at how much SHINee members stand out amongst uh non-SHINee people. Their stupid little faces are pretty extraordinary. I also approve of Shin Dongyup patting his ass because uhmmm I don't need to explain myself to you!!11 No, I do think it's cute when people cop a feel show affection off-handedly like that, especially to someone like Jonghyun who thrives on approval and love. IU and Jonghyun are maddeningly cute together. Just two tiny adorable creatures being tiny and adorable together! Also him helping her with her chair, ugh frondly little gentleman. The way they edited and captioned the bit where they're all waiting for their turn in the photo call is very soash of gendery. Or something. The ease with which the guys dominate the conversation vs. how the girls just stand there, especially Hyorin who's been pretty much blocked out of the ~circle anyway. idk it's not hard to imagine this as representative of (idol) interactions in the general. Society is society. I think the way idols are networked is really interesting. In closing, lmao his giant cuffs.

Why do unfunny people try to be funny? The unfortunate part of internet memes is that it's really easy to pick up the structure without understanding what actually makes them funny. Macros are a perfect example. Relatedly, just because something is meant to be funny does not mean that it is actually funny. I hope people are just going along with the expected call-and-response sequence (ex: "[macro]" "LOL IRL WIN!!!11") because I refuse to believe so many people think all the dumb contrived banality in omona comments is actually amusing. Are we human or are we dancer?

I have no idea what I'm arguing anymore. Crying tears of blood. I wish I could just type up the required 5-6 pages in blog form and hand it in.
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
dumb vlog

I think my cousin drank my bottle of mango juice. I'm so fucking annoyed, I was saving that. >:((((((

I have a decent shoulder to waist ratio for a man.

oiam is selling a photobook. I... should... not...........................................

I'm so tired these days. I want so badly to give up.

I really like Guster's latest album.

I still think "meet me beneath my vanity" is a much better lyric than "meet me beneath my balcony."

God I'm so fucked about this paper. And my other paper. And my other paper.
kerpingtack: police frog doodle (copper)
Yesterday I got my shit resolved wrt that goddamn appeal letter and graduating. AS IT TURNS OUT I didn't even need to write that letter or get documentation from my counselor at SPS or anything!! WOW SUPER GREAT. But yeah, suddenly my life is tracked really completely. I can be finished with college by the end of the summer, and I can legit walk in the ceremony in June.

I don't want to. I feel quite bitter towards UCLA and I don't like the idea of feeling alienated and bored and regretful for hours in the sun, surrounded by... people. If my mom wants me to, I will, but if she doesn't give a fuck, I'm just not going to. The only value it would have would be for closure, but since I'll have three more classes to take after it, it won't even be good for that.

The problem with me is that even how miserable I was here, how much I just don't like it... Like, I was walking around in the psychology building and thinking "gross, now the weirdly strong vanilla smell has mixed with someone's bowel movements." Walking in that cool stone stairwell, hand on the doorknob. I know myself, at least about this; I know that I'll miss this. Even this. I can already feel myself clinging. A simultaneous disgust and possessiveness over UCLA, the sad past self who existed here. I know I'll miss this. (This is the same part of me that makes me really love Katy Perry's Teenage Dreams. Goddamnit why is that song so emotionally effective??? "You - make - me, feel like I'm livin' a teen - age - dream," oh god.)

If I look back so far though it feels like everything was necessary. The only thing that could've made anything different would be if I was just a fundamentally different person. Like, there's no way I could've known anything then I know now, and there's no way I could've learned it. I've only been able to put my hand on the concrete idea of finishing college this quarter. What could be done? I was who I was who I am who I am. The exigencies of my soft dumb stupid self. 

Still, let me outline my perfect fantasy self:
Design major, Philosophy/Sociology double minor OR
Sociology major, Philosophy/Accounting double minor
(alt: Philosophy & Linguistics minor)

Pretending that UCLA offers a soash minor. No, my perfect fantasy self would have gone to Berkeley. idk if they have a soash minor there but fuck UCLA. My perfect fantasy self does not recognize how much I would fucking suck balls as Design or Philosophy; it is just fucking cool. God every Philosophy major I've met has been so fucking cool. Ungf.
kerpingtack: green glass window installations (treatment)
UGH LIFE IS SO STUPID RIGHT NOW

IT STARTED TO RAIN HARD AS FUCK WHEN I WAS WALKING FROM THE LIBRARY TO THE BUS STOP AND STOPPED AS SOON AS I GAVE UP AND WENT INSIDE A BUILDING AND THEN STARTED AGAIN AS SOON AS I WALKED BACK OUTSIDE

WHAT THE FUCK IS AN F DISTRIBUTION

I KNOW YOU TEST THE R^2 NULL HYPOTHESIS WITH IT BUT WHAT. IS. IT.

GAHHHHRRR WHY IS EVERYONE SO EAGER TO HATE ON JONGHYUN I'M NOT IMMUNE TO IT YET, IT'S TIRING TO HAVE TO IGNORE IT AGHHHH

AND WAT'S WRONG WITH TUMBLR

okay, done.

blue moon )
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
I JUST STARED AT A PICTURE OF JONGHYUN TILTING HIS HEAD LOOKING OFF INTO SPACE, TILTED MY HEAD IN THE SAME DIRECTION, AND WONDERED WHAT HE WAS THINKING ABOUT

I'VE GOT TO GET A GRIP ON MYSELF

shit-tastic

Nov. 9th, 2010 12:28 am
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
I fucking forfeit this day.

edit @ 4:17AM: LOOOOOOOOOOLOLOOLOL HOW DID I LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT KNOWING ROKKUGO, HOW IS IT SPIRITUALLY POSSIBLE?!!????

I'M NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE VIDEO (THOUGH IT IS LOVELY). THIS SONG IS PURE CRACK. HOW CAN SOMETHING BE SO FUCKING KOREAN OMG IDK IDK

HERE IS SHINEE DORKING OUT HARD TO IT
JONGHYUN IS THE ONE IN THE BLUE SHIRT

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL TROT!!!!!!!!!!1
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
Dear god I am melting down. Can't eat, can't sleep, my stomach hurts every four seconds, like a little kid's. I've been up since 7. Same with yesterday. And I cried on Friday, and Sunday, and soooo much yesterday. That was basically half my day especially since I have nothing else to do. I am exhausted, ON A SPIRITUAL LEVEL. I PHYSICALLY CANNOT MAKE IT UNTIL THURSDAY.

I made an appointment with my counselor at Student Psychological Services but it is ALSO not until Thursday which doesn't really help me. It's before my meeting at least but maybe I will need to see her after it in case I need to commit ritualistic suicide or something. The thing is that if I am not readmitted then I will be charged $75 for the session because I won't be a student. Is it worth it? IS IT??

And I hate having this apartment. The apartment itself is really nice but the landlord is SUCH an asshole, my god, and I fucked up with the bills and I hate everything.

Also I have cramps and my back hurts and I hate the stupid new UCLA map. It offends me with its complicated uselessness.

Here is my lj entry as assigned by neinstories:

chips
I like chips but not as much as I like other things and not as much as other people like them. I like Doritos! I am impartial to poker chips. They could be more inherently satisfying, like if they were made out of cheese or if they had tassels. I think the saying "chip off the old block" is weird. The word 'chip' itself is delightful. chip chop chip~

douchebags
I met a douchebag the day before yesterday and it was not fun! He was a douchebag.

laundry
Like most household chores, the worst part about laundry is putting the shit away. Folding is fine and I like organizing the clothes, seeing order emerge~ from warm cotton-scented chaos. It's like unknotting a string. 

fleece
I am pro-fleece!! It encapsulates many of my favorite things, being soft, warm, and fun to say. FLEEEEEEEEEECE. As a corollary, I am anti-wool. Who would wear wool when there's fleece around? (Alliteration! Alliteration!) It helps that I have no problem with plaid or embarrassing patterns. Also, I cannot visualize a golden fleece at all.

pens
I LOOOOOOOOOOVE FINE-TIPPED PENS. Like the hella needle-thin ones. Anything looks good when you write with those. omg. sex. It is the worst when those run out of ink though.

spelling
Spelling is like the easiest way ever to feel stupid. I've let go of a lot of my annoyance for misspelled things but mostly  because my spelling has deteriorated. I am a true citizen of the Central Valley.

WOW THAT WAS INTERESTING. Sorry frond my brains are a wasteland. I included the shit about how no one in the Central Valley knows how to spell though.

I'm on an Inception fic binge despite the fact that I have not yet seen Inception. It's like Gundam Wing all over again! This is very likely my FAVORITE paragraph in all the Inception fics I have read thus far:

8 minutes left on the clock. Arthur has unfolded the snuggie and slipped it onto his arms. He digs around in the desk and finds a clothespin he keeps with his pencils, just for this purpose, then he carefully gathers the fabric behind his neck and pins it tightly. Arthur looooooves the feel of the fleece tight around his neck. He sits back in his desk chair, then smiles and folds his legs up by his chest, propping his heels on the edge of the chair seat. Now he’s entirely engulfed in the snuggie. Everything but his head! Why don’t they put hoods on these things, he thinks, or matching hats or something…probably because it would be TOO wonderful.

MATCHING HATS LOLOLOLOL. THANK U LIFE. Strangely this reminds me of this wonderful crack!fic writer in the Yami no Matsuei fandom. Anime will never leave me.

welp

Apr. 8th, 2010 05:25 am
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
So I guess this is my life, staying up till 5 AM watching the Evan 'brobot' Lysacek portion of Dancing With the Stars on youtube. Oh dumb orange bro, you're so dumb, and so orange, and such a bro, yet so endearing. Also his dance partner is seriously hot. She smiles so big! ilu Anna, u r amazing~~~

This is giving me flashbacks to when I huddled around my laptop for two weeks last year, obsessively watching So You Think You Can Has Cheezburger Dance* and suiciding my GPA into the center of the earth. I still love you, Pasha.

*THIS JOKE WILL NEVER GET OLD
kerpingtack: sarah with a fine moustache (sarah thinks you look ridiculous)
Normally I wouldn't capitalize all the words because you aren't supposed to do that in Fronch but the band is not really French, so ~I just capitalize the way I feel~

I've been sick for a couple of days now even though I was asleep more than I was awake for the same couple of days. The cumulative effect is that I feel like I've been asleep longer than I've been alive. I'm just so tired. I haven't eaten anything all day and yesterday I basically had a waffle and a few strawberries, ende.

I think my flash drive is broken. I am so dead inside right now. I had ALL my pictures on there. ALL OF THEM. You guys don't understand, I save EVERYTHING. There was a fucking CATACOMB of folders in that drive. I'M SO DEAD INSIDE. I have most everything backed up from April 2009, but that's almost a year ago. I KNEW I SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE PARANOID

MELANCHOLY

I'm lonely from all the things I don't understand, experience, appreciate, etc. From the time I was in the throes of pre-adolescent fuckery, I wanted to be a thousand different things at once so I ended up being nothing. Depression = paralyzed with hope (tm Maria Bamford).

Plus, I'm super crazy. I've been going to my mom's office to "help" with work (actually I'm useless) and my mom told me the other day that her boss said I was pretty (not in a creepy way). I was flattered for a second before I thought MAYBE SHE MADE THAT UP TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT BEING UGLY. These days I even know I'm not ugly most of the time, so where did that thought come from? Unending paranoia I suppose.

om nom nom new fandom om nom nom Sherlock Holmes om nom nom Jude Law

Half the time he looks like a fucking serial killer and the other half he just looks like an asshole. Nevertheless he is honestly very good at being very beautiful. *____*

Image and video hosting by TinyPic
Let's get this out of the way: this fucker is AMAZING in the face. 

DAMN STRAIGHT IT'S A PICSPAM )

In closing,
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GODDAMN
kerpingtack: corgis on the beach where the corgis are free (Default)
FIGURED IT OUT

THE SONG THAT PLAYED IN THAT ONE EPISODE OF THIS AMERICAN LIFE IS:

THE BEGINNING OF THE CURE'S CLOSE TO ME

YUSSSSSSSS

I RULE

AGH

Dec. 10th, 2009 12:19 am
kerpingtack: sarah with a fine moustache (sarah thinks you look ridiculous)
I'VE BEEN KILLING MYSELF READING THE CREEPYPASTA POSTS ON ONTD

I don't find the actual creepypasta stories scary* (there are a lot of "you have to do this and this" and that makes me go OH OKAY I'M COOL THEN BECAUSE I WILL NEVER EVER EVER IN A GAZILLIDRON YEARS DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT and that makes me safe yo) but the sheer amount of weird/fucked up things concentrated into one post like that starts to make me scared of everything. It makes you go too far into your own head. And that's not even counting personal scary stories. I nearly died reading this. ;____________;

*Though this one is damn good:
It has been reported that some victims of rape, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not WAKE UP. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren’t being raped. The only way that they realized they needed to WAKE UP was a note they found in their fantasy world. It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to WAKE UP. Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and PLEASE WAKE UP

THINGS THAT STOPPED MY HEART RATE FROM GOING THROUGH THE ROOF
+ the best creepypasta ever
Somewhere in West Philadelphia, you will find an old basketball court with a single ball lying in the middle. Pick it up and start shooting hoops. After a while, a small group of hooligans will approach you and challenge you to a fight, which you must accept.

After the fight, you must go home and relay the events to your mother. She will then inform you that you have an aunt and uncle living in one of the districts of Los Angeles, and out of fear, she will send you to live there for an indefinite period of time.

With your bags packed, go to the street corner, and whistle for a cab. The cab that will pull up will bear the word FRESH on the license plate, and upon closer inspection, novelty fuzzy dice will hang in the mirror. Although you will suddenly realize that cabs like these are extremely hard to find, do not bear any thought to it. At this point you MUST point out in front of the car and say ‘Yo homes to Bel Air’. You will stop in front of a mansion, and it will be sometime between 7 and 8 o’clock, even though it will feel like you’ve been traveling mere seconds. Get your luggage out and say ‘Yo homes, smell ya later!’, but do NOT turn back to face the cabby. Walk up to the door, look over your shoulder once, and then knock on the door three times.

If you follow these instructions, your life will get flip-turned upside-down.


+ SOVIET. CREEPY. PASTA.
- One night man is riding mule down dirt road. Young woman stands on side of road, calls out for ride home. Is very cold in Soviet winter. Man takes off coat and puts it on back of mule. Girl is also cold. Man gives her sack of turnip for to wear. Girl is much thankful for ride home.

Next morning man realize it is day for buying turnip at market, and girl still has sack. He goes to her house. No girl is there, only father. He says daughter died in salt mines ten years ago night before. Man returns to mule, turnip sack is on back of mule.

SOVIET HONESTY IS STRONG! EVEN DEATH NOT STOP REPAYMENT OF DEBTS!

- You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.

No footprints in snow. It was reflection. You dullard!

Your apartment is bulldozed down to make way for glorious tractor factory.

- Somewhere in West Vladivostok, you will find a frozen pond with a pair of ice skates lying in the middle. Put them on and begin skating. After a while, a small group of Capitalists will approach you and challenge you to a revolution, which you must begin.

After the revolution, you must go home and relay the events to Comrade Lenin. He will then inform you that you have an aunt and uncle living in one of the districts of Moscow, and out of loyalty to his motherland, he will send you to live there for an indefinite period of time.

With no personal possessions because ownership is the capitalist's way, go to the station and await a train. The train that will pull up will bear the word FREEDOM on the side, and upon closer inspection, a bust of Stalin will hang in the window. Although you will suddenly realize that cabs like these are extremely decadent and capitalistic in nature, do not bear any thought to it. At this point you MUST salute the comrade in the front of the train and say ‘Yo comrade, to Moscow’. You will stop in front of a mansion, and there will be somewhere between 7 and 8 other families living there, even though it will be a privilege to share your home with fellow comrades. Get off of the train and say ‘Yo comrade, smell ya later!’, but do NOT turn back to face the conductor. Walk up to the door, salute your motherland once, and then knock on the door three times.

If you follow these instructions, your imperialism will get flip-revolted upside down

- You are diligent worker at Soviet Administration office working at night. The Soviet Copy Machine begins working like good Soviet worker. You go to Soviet Copy Machine and see many Soviet copies in the Soviet tray. It is picture of you dead in chair. The other pictures are also of you dead but taken from more Soviet angles.

There is no original picture in the copy machine. In fact, the machine has been out of toner for a week. SOVIET COPY MACHINES WORK OVERTIME FOR GOOD OF CAUSE.

- Once I hear story about girl in Chaplygin. She was asleep in her bed, when she feel lick on her hand. She thinks it is dog and goes to sleep. Next morning, she finds note on dresser with dead head of dog. It says "Capitalists can lick too." She screams.

The girl was sent for re-education in Estonia, her parents sent to labor in Siberia. One must always be watchful and never let American spies into one's house.

-
You are making love to your sister when your telephone rings.

It is your father. He says "What are you doing with daughter?"

You tell your sister and she says "Our father died four years ago, now go get our children from the nuclear power plant right now!"

But if our father was dead.

Who was telephone.

I LAUGHED SO FUCKING HARD O M F G

+ everyone who was all FUCK YOU at people who posted scarring pictures. FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


ALSO WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS????????????

Yeah sorry that my posts have been 1000% ontd-related lately. I've been feeling kind of whacked out and this is how I'm dealing with it~!!

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counting at war

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