counting at war (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kerpingtack) wrote2010-06-02 12:50 pm
kerpingtack) wrote2010-06-02 12:50 pm
Entry tags:
things in the fire
Holy shit!! I ran 2 miles in 25 minutes! STFU that is a big accomplishment for me and I am pretty amazed at myself. I've been running semi-regularly for the past few weeks but I didn't mention it because I didn't want to overwhelm myself with expectation and jinx the whole thing. When I first started it took me almost 40 minutes to run the 1.7 mi (according to Google Maps) around the block and I was exhausted like the whole time. Now I can run 2 miles in half that time without wanting to die!! Left at 9:55, came back at 10:20~~
Hey by the way if your body feels energized, your brains will sometimes follow suit! I am amazed!! While I was in the shower my mind was bouncing all over the place. The Bullet Points of Revelations:
- I'm not just scared of people, I'm really scared of myself. I think I already knew that but I never said it properly, so it surprised me.
- if I can run regularly, I can study regularly too.
- there are things I can say without qualifiers. I ~mulled over~ this post. I see where the OP is coming from, and I kind of agree, but at the same time I'd rather choose something douchebaggish and helpful over reasonable and shitty.
1. I am capable of getting good grades. I know because I have gotten them before. I can do it again.
2. The first time I took a practice LSAT I got a 161. That is pretty good.
3. I have good skin. I like my eyes. I am not fat.
There are things I think I need to believe if I'm ever going to do anything. Those are three small ones. I'll work up to the bigger ones.
By the way, my problems are so conventional. In my head I make them out to be endlessly complicated and impenetrable but essentially,
1. I hate myself
2. I'm scared of failure
3. I don't know how to talk to people
Of course that first one kind of makes a lot of things difficult.
Here's a picture of me trying on a dress and looking particularly clueless:
Here's a picture of me and my wonky fucking eyelids:
I was widening both my eyes but that left eyelid would not go up. They're pretty lopsided. WOOOOOOOOOOOOW SOOOO INTERESTING
Also, my boobs are uneven. Which is not a rare thing, but why did it take so long for me to notice? Have I not obsessed about my body enough?! One boob is alert and ~poised and the other is all lazy and drooping and listing off to the side. Or maybe one boob is chillaxed and the other one is really overachieving and uptight, I don't really know.
Inconsequential Fannish Opinions~
I have no interest in Johnny Weir. I think Evan Lysacek is funny and kinda really fucked up. Stéphane Lambiel is a baby lamb...iel. I love Kim Yuna. AND I LOVE, LOVE LOOOVE ANNA TREBUNSKAYA.
Troy, and by extension Abed, is CLEARLY the best part of Community. Annie, Senor Chang, and Britta are also good. Everyone and everything else is disposable, except for Jeff tearfully saying that he hates Glee.
I look back upon my SPN days with a lot of embarrassment because for a while I TRULY AND EARNESTLY believed that it was a REALLY GOOD SHOW. Heavens to Betsy, what the fuck!! I don't understand why or how people are still watching it. But I suppose that's because I'm not interested in this angelology shit and I don't like any of the characters (including Dean and fucking Bobby, Christ), except for Castiel. I'm guessing that's why people are still watching it, the concept of the plot and characters, because jesus christ, WHAT A SHITTY SHOW. That's not even touching how they've killed off every single character without a dick and/or who wasn't white for no fucking reason. But the good thing about fandom and compartmentalizing is that you can salvage what you like even from a hot mess like SPN so I read genderswapped Dean/Castiel fic and imagine Jo and Ellen if they hadn't met the Winchesters and got to live their lives all un-fucked up (seriously, the Winchesters just FUCKED THEM OVER, they did absolutely nothing for them). In that vein, I love this vid. I can't even believe how perfect that song is for Jo.
Parks & Recreation is my favorite show on television right now. I love Leslie.
LOLOLOL ho shit! I searched for one of those "what does your birthday mean" things on a whim and my ~life path~ result is surprisingly apt and flattering as fuck. Except for this part, which is just scary accurate:
In the most negative use of the 7 energies, you can become very pessimistic, lackadaisical, quarrelsome, and secretive. A Life Path 7 individual who is not living life fully and gaining through experiences, is a hard person to live with because of a serious lack of consideration for others. There is such a negative attitude. Indeed, operating on the negative side of the 7 can produce a very selfish and spoiled individual and living with one can be a challenge. This may be why some 7s actually prefer living alone. If you have any of the negative traits they are very difficult to get rid of because you tend to feel that the world really does owe you a living or that in some way you are not being fairly treated.
Fortunately, the negative 7 is not the typical 7, at least not without some mitigating positive traits. This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows. Stability in feelings may be elusive for you.
WHAT THE FUCK, THAT IS FUCKING CRAZY. I'm going to laminate this and carry it around in my wallet like it's my credentials.
Damn, Debbie Harry is a fucking good singer. She knows exactly what a song needs. HBIC~
I had an awkward encounter with my sister's boyfriend's family on Friday. Goddamnit, that's a little much, isn't it? Why the fuck do I have to be put in a position of having to talk to my sister's boyfriend's fucking asshole parents?? That shouldn't have to happen. I had a strong feeling that they did NOT like me. I think they thought I was a spoiled awkward bitch and they were kind of dismissive towards me. What the fuck, I didn't ask to be invited inside, your stupid son and my stupid sister are just soooo stupidly cuddly and familysmushy. UGHHH. I hate talking to other people's parents.
I watched a couple of episodes of a Korean talk show called Beauty Talk/Global Talk Show with my mom. I love Korean talk shows anyway, but this one is especially interesting and entertaining. They get a panel of foreigners living in Korea to talk about their experiences and opinions about the country. There's a panel of Korean celebrities too. And everyone is VERY PRETTY! Like, they only get female foreigners, that's the whole concept. I'm pretty sure there's some stuff there about fetishism and Korea's disquieting hard-on for the Western world, but I'm ignoring that for now. PRETTY PEOPLE! One of the episodes I watched was with this Korean girl band called Girls' Generation/SNSD so it was balls to the wall PRETTY LADIES. And one of the women from Germany? looks like Alona Tal. Which means she is SUUUPER pretty. Uh anyway it's hella weird to see obviously non-Korean people speaking Korean. LOL that sounds really sheltered.
What was the point of that paragraph? Now I'm looking up videos on youtube of Sunny, one of the girls from SNSD. Oh my god she is so cute. Her smile is like a million dollars every time. <3___<3 All the videos of her and Sungmin, one of the ten million guys from Super Junior, are in~sa~ne~ly adorable. It is ridiculous. They should get married. They should adopt a farm full of baby animals. They should adopt each other. <3_______<3
By the way, in the real life: my sister is graduating tomorrow. I almost can't believe it! My little sister! My dad is coming up for the occasion, so all associated weird tense hullabaloos will be going on. Man I hope she doesn't insist that we sit with her boyfriend's family. Her boyfriend is super sweet, I really like him, but he and my sister are entirely too eager for our family and theirs to spend time together. WE'RE NOT IN-LAWS YET YOU GUYS. Also I hope I don't depress myself for no reason like I did during the IB dinner. Yep yep.
Hey by the way if your body feels energized, your brains will sometimes follow suit! I am amazed!! While I was in the shower my mind was bouncing all over the place. The Bullet Points of Revelations:
- I'm not just scared of people, I'm really scared of myself. I think I already knew that but I never said it properly, so it surprised me.
- if I can run regularly, I can study regularly too.
- there are things I can say without qualifiers. I ~mulled over~ this post. I see where the OP is coming from, and I kind of agree, but at the same time I'd rather choose something douchebaggish and helpful over reasonable and shitty.
1. I am capable of getting good grades. I know because I have gotten them before. I can do it again.
2. The first time I took a practice LSAT I got a 161. That is pretty good.
3. I have good skin. I like my eyes. I am not fat.
There are things I think I need to believe if I'm ever going to do anything. Those are three small ones. I'll work up to the bigger ones.
By the way, my problems are so conventional. In my head I make them out to be endlessly complicated and impenetrable but essentially,
1. I hate myself
2. I'm scared of failure
3. I don't know how to talk to people
Of course that first one kind of makes a lot of things difficult.
Here's a picture of me trying on a dress and looking particularly clueless:
Here's a picture of me and my wonky fucking eyelids:
Also, my boobs are uneven. Which is not a rare thing, but why did it take so long for me to notice? Have I not obsessed about my body enough?! One boob is alert and ~poised and the other is all lazy and drooping and listing off to the side. Or maybe one boob is chillaxed and the other one is really overachieving and uptight, I don't really know.
Inconsequential Fannish Opinions~
I have no interest in Johnny Weir. I think Evan Lysacek is funny and kinda really fucked up. Stéphane Lambiel is a baby lamb...iel. I love Kim Yuna. AND I LOVE, LOVE LOOOVE ANNA TREBUNSKAYA.
Troy, and by extension Abed, is CLEARLY the best part of Community. Annie, Senor Chang, and Britta are also good. Everyone and everything else is disposable, except for Jeff tearfully saying that he hates Glee.
I look back upon my SPN days with a lot of embarrassment because for a while I TRULY AND EARNESTLY believed that it was a REALLY GOOD SHOW. Heavens to Betsy, what the fuck!! I don't understand why or how people are still watching it. But I suppose that's because I'm not interested in this angelology shit and I don't like any of the characters (including Dean and fucking Bobby, Christ), except for Castiel. I'm guessing that's why people are still watching it, the concept of the plot and characters, because jesus christ, WHAT A SHITTY SHOW. That's not even touching how they've killed off every single character without a dick and/or who wasn't white for no fucking reason. But the good thing about fandom and compartmentalizing is that you can salvage what you like even from a hot mess like SPN so I read genderswapped Dean/Castiel fic and imagine Jo and Ellen if they hadn't met the Winchesters and got to live their lives all un-fucked up (seriously, the Winchesters just FUCKED THEM OVER, they did absolutely nothing for them). In that vein, I love this vid. I can't even believe how perfect that song is for Jo.
Parks & Recreation is my favorite show on television right now. I love Leslie.
LOLOLOL ho shit! I searched for one of those "what does your birthday mean" things on a whim and my ~life path~ result is surprisingly apt and flattering as fuck. Except for this part, which is just scary accurate:
In the most negative use of the 7 energies, you can become very pessimistic, lackadaisical, quarrelsome, and secretive. A Life Path 7 individual who is not living life fully and gaining through experiences, is a hard person to live with because of a serious lack of consideration for others. There is such a negative attitude. Indeed, operating on the negative side of the 7 can produce a very selfish and spoiled individual and living with one can be a challenge. This may be why some 7s actually prefer living alone. If you have any of the negative traits they are very difficult to get rid of because you tend to feel that the world really does owe you a living or that in some way you are not being fairly treated.
Fortunately, the negative 7 is not the typical 7, at least not without some mitigating positive traits. This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows. Stability in feelings may be elusive for you.
Damn, Debbie Harry is a fucking good singer. She knows exactly what a song needs. HBIC~
I had an awkward encounter with my sister's boyfriend's family on Friday. Goddamnit, that's a little much, isn't it? Why the fuck do I have to be put in a position of having to talk to my sister's boyfriend's fucking asshole parents?? That shouldn't have to happen. I had a strong feeling that they did NOT like me. I think they thought I was a spoiled awkward bitch and they were kind of dismissive towards me. What the fuck, I didn't ask to be invited inside, your stupid son and my stupid sister are just soooo stupidly cuddly and familysmushy. UGHHH. I hate talking to other people's parents.
I watched a couple of episodes of a Korean talk show called Beauty Talk/Global Talk Show with my mom. I love Korean talk shows anyway, but this one is especially interesting and entertaining. They get a panel of foreigners living in Korea to talk about their experiences and opinions about the country. There's a panel of Korean celebrities too. And everyone is VERY PRETTY! Like, they only get female foreigners, that's the whole concept. I'm pretty sure there's some stuff there about fetishism and Korea's disquieting hard-on for the Western world, but I'm ignoring that for now. PRETTY PEOPLE! One of the episodes I watched was with this Korean girl band called Girls' Generation/SNSD so it was balls to the wall PRETTY LADIES. And one of the women from Germany? looks like Alona Tal. Which means she is SUUUPER pretty. Uh anyway it's hella weird to see obviously non-Korean people speaking Korean. LOL that sounds really sheltered.
What was the point of that paragraph? Now I'm looking up videos on youtube of Sunny, one of the girls from SNSD. Oh my god she is so cute. Her smile is like a million dollars every time. <3___<3 All the videos of her and Sungmin, one of the ten million guys from Super Junior, are in~sa~ne~ly adorable. It is ridiculous. They should get married. They should adopt a farm full of baby animals. They should adopt each other. <3_______<3
By the way, in the real life: my sister is graduating tomorrow. I almost can't believe it! My little sister! My dad is coming up for the occasion, so all associated weird tense hullabaloos will be going on. Man I hope she doesn't insist that we sit with her boyfriend's family. Her boyfriend is super sweet, I really like him, but he and my sister are entirely too eager for our family and theirs to spend time together. WE'RE NOT IN-LAWS YET YOU GUYS. Also I hope I don't depress myself for no reason like I did during the IB dinner. Yep yep.
no subject
Runner's high? I get that quite a bit. For me, it's the equivalent of drinking 3 cups of coffee before 12 p.m. I'd gladly substitute, but... I need my caffeine.
WE SHOULD GO ON A FUN RUN. OR PRETEND WE HAVE HONEY ON OUR HEADS AND WE'RE RUNNING AWAY FROM A GANG OF BEARS ON UNICYCLES. OR SOMETHING! IDK.
no subject
Mmm runner's high. I actually really hate running in the morning, mostly because I hate waking up early and if I run first thing I feel like I'm going to die.
FUN RUN HONEY HEAD BEAR ESCAPE ACTUALLY SOUNDS GOOD! But I'm pretty slow, you're going to have to plod along with me.
ps, sorry for not calling you last Monday! I couldn't hang out, as the kids say, as I was extremely busy sleeping and doing nothing.