counting at war (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kerpingtack) wrote2011-05-31 01:46 am
kerpingtack) wrote2011-05-31 01:46 am
dream inside my tonic
It's the last week of the quarter now and the pressure is making my head cave in. I keep having all these surreal moments where I feel like I'm tilting out of my fucking life. I have so many fucking papers to write. omg why did I do this to myself again. EVERY SINGLE TIME. I still haven't gotten the incomplete grade from last quarter settled either. I am a master of self-sabotage.
Also my left hand keeps shaking. Why are you doing this to me body? TO US??
What happened to Daesung of Big Bang/what Daesung of Big Bang did (I'm still a little confused on what the fuck actually happened) is seriously one of things I'm most afraid of. I fucking hate driving.
I spent a while rereading old entries again. I really can never tell if I'm more wretched than I was then or less. I think I'm less like ~intellectually curious now, though that doesn't take much. I've closed up a lot and I'm really so fucking disenchanted with school and academia. It's tiring to like... think. Ahaha. Fuck shit I need to get my work done.
I went on a mini-death spiral of related videos on youtube. For some reason it turned into like a tour of mathematical kpop; I watched B2ST, 4minute, 2NE1, and f(x). I really like Hyuna! She's fun to watch not just for the obvious (hot) but because she looks comfortable and like she's actually enjoying herself when she dances, and that goes a long way towards ~me being comfortable and enjoying watching her. She's one of the girls in kpop that I think really owns her sexuality, or if not that, at least is comfortable with her body and its capacity to move. Like, she's not afraid of following through, like with using her hips all the way, etc. I also like Minzy, she's really cute. And all of f(x). Krystal and Jessica both have that weird ~it~ quality on-stage. (I'm quite prickly about comparing sisters but in this case I do think they have a similar presence.) Uh B2ST was really underwhelming. I admit that I have some stuff built against liking them though, like the fact that I don't find any of them attractive in the least, none of them have distinctive voices, and they have too many counts of cultural insensitivity/unnecessary fuckery associated with them, intentional or not (Kikwang's blackface itself and the band members' comments on it, refusing to wear kimonos in Japan, ). I don't really hold them accountable for those things but it's work to block it out. God I still live in terror of the possibility of my favorites revealing themselves to hold the fucked up normative views on race, gender, etc. THE BUBBLE MUST STAY PROTECTED ;~~~~~;
I LOVE SMTOWN'S LET'S GO ON A TRIP. The Korean word has like a connotation of vacationing/holidaying, idk, it makes it really really cute to me. And I love when a bunch of people are sining cheerfully together. (Caveat, also when they're at least trying to be in tune. I hate that joyless limp hipster indie twee shit.)
And I really really like SHINee's Scar. Is it not popular with the fandom or something? I never hear people talking about it. It's pretty damn good.
Finally caught up on Parks & Rec! LESLIE ;~; Leslie/Ben is cute and all but I think my favorite relationships on the show are Leslie/Ann and Leslie/Ron. And Ron/Parks dept. ahaha. UGH the ending of the uh second to last episode, omffffg SO PERFECT I was like clutching myself for dear life. Otherwise! Jean-Ralphio is a good example of how a perfectly executed character can become annoying with overexposure. Uhh Chris is also the other obvious example. LOL I'm really really annoyed with him and how the show is pushing him now. WHAT THE FUCK at that ~comforting the crying woman scene. My sister and I were like disgusted, lol. I really really hope they drop the Jerry bullying joke for the next season. They've already sort of toned it down from season 2 so I hope that continues. It's the only thing that honestly bothers me about the show. It's too reminiscent of the Office.
I know kpop is cute but why is the fic also so cute? LOL that's such a vapid way of phrasing it. I mean everything's really ~vanilla. You can really really tell the fandom is young by the fics. It's not necessarily bad but uhh sometimes it makes me forget how fics ~can be written. The fic isn't known for innovation or variety. Man I feel so crotchety when I complain about kpop ficdom. Ugh I've never been SO emotionally invested in a fandom like this before. I GUESS THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE LEGIT IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE FROM MANUFACTURED POP BANDS
LOL omg I haven't finished a new book in like two years. Besides children's books that JJB was also reading. Oh wait that's not true, I read the Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi last spring ahahaha. I'm so uncultured, I can't get into anything anymore. I'm really character-based too. I can't get through anything if I don't give a shit about the people I'm reading and so often books are about boring douchey people doing boring douchey things. It's not even realistic or anything, it's like stylized privileged boring douchiness. Listen I get enough of that in real life, fucking please do something else. This isn't news or anything, but that's why I read fic so much and why ~characterization is the most important to me. The best function of fic for me is that thing that one guy talked about (MY IMPECCABLE MEMORY) about how discussing the media is a way of extending the experience. It's an extension of my love for the people/media product itself. Oh god what the hell is this paragraph about. Fic is really valuable and interesting for a lot of reasons but personally it works for me because I'm already invested and I don't have to work to care. LOL EMOTIONAL LAZINESS
LOL just sitting here saving pictures from tumblr and listening to the Sound of Music soundtrack. Anything to avoid work.
Also my left hand keeps shaking. Why are you doing this to me body? TO US??
What happened to Daesung of Big Bang/what Daesung of Big Bang did (I'm still a little confused on what the fuck actually happened) is seriously one of things I'm most afraid of. I fucking hate driving.
I spent a while rereading old entries again. I really can never tell if I'm more wretched than I was then or less. I think I'm less like ~intellectually curious now, though that doesn't take much. I've closed up a lot and I'm really so fucking disenchanted with school and academia. It's tiring to like... think. Ahaha. Fuck shit I need to get my work done.
I went on a mini-death spiral of related videos on youtube. For some reason it turned into like a tour of mathematical kpop; I watched B2ST, 4minute, 2NE1, and f(x). I really like Hyuna! She's fun to watch not just for the obvious (hot) but because she looks comfortable and like she's actually enjoying herself when she dances, and that goes a long way towards ~me being comfortable and enjoying watching her. She's one of the girls in kpop that I think really owns her sexuality, or if not that, at least is comfortable with her body and its capacity to move. Like, she's not afraid of following through, like with using her hips all the way, etc. I also like Minzy, she's really cute. And all of f(x). Krystal and Jessica both have that weird ~it~ quality on-stage. (I'm quite prickly about comparing sisters but in this case I do think they have a similar presence.) Uh B2ST was really underwhelming. I admit that I have some stuff built against liking them though, like the fact that I don't find any of them attractive in the least, none of them have distinctive voices, and they have too many counts of cultural insensitivity/unnecessary fuckery associated with them, intentional or not (Kikwang's blackface itself and the band members' comments on it, refusing to wear kimonos in Japan, ). I don't really hold them accountable for those things but it's work to block it out. God I still live in terror of the possibility of my favorites revealing themselves to hold the fucked up normative views on race, gender, etc. THE BUBBLE MUST STAY PROTECTED ;~~~~~;
I LOVE SMTOWN'S LET'S GO ON A TRIP. The Korean word has like a connotation of vacationing/holidaying, idk, it makes it really really cute to me. And I love when a bunch of people are sining cheerfully together. (Caveat, also when they're at least trying to be in tune. I hate that joyless limp hipster indie twee shit.)
And I really really like SHINee's Scar. Is it not popular with the fandom or something? I never hear people talking about it. It's pretty damn good.
Finally caught up on Parks & Rec! LESLIE ;~; Leslie/Ben is cute and all but I think my favorite relationships on the show are Leslie/Ann and Leslie/Ron. And Ron/Parks dept. ahaha. UGH the ending of the uh second to last episode, omffffg SO PERFECT I was like clutching myself for dear life. Otherwise! Jean-Ralphio is a good example of how a perfectly executed character can become annoying with overexposure. Uhh Chris is also the other obvious example. LOL I'm really really annoyed with him and how the show is pushing him now. WHAT THE FUCK at that ~comforting the crying woman scene. My sister and I were like disgusted, lol. I really really hope they drop the Jerry bullying joke for the next season. They've already sort of toned it down from season 2 so I hope that continues. It's the only thing that honestly bothers me about the show. It's too reminiscent of the Office.
I know kpop is cute but why is the fic also so cute? LOL that's such a vapid way of phrasing it. I mean everything's really ~vanilla. You can really really tell the fandom is young by the fics. It's not necessarily bad but uhh sometimes it makes me forget how fics ~can be written. The fic isn't known for innovation or variety. Man I feel so crotchety when I complain about kpop ficdom. Ugh I've never been SO emotionally invested in a fandom like this before. I GUESS THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE LEGIT IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE FROM MANUFACTURED POP BANDS
LOL omg I haven't finished a new book in like two years. Besides children's books that JJB was also reading. Oh wait that's not true, I read the Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi last spring ahahaha. I'm so uncultured, I can't get into anything anymore. I'm really character-based too. I can't get through anything if I don't give a shit about the people I'm reading and so often books are about boring douchey people doing boring douchey things. It's not even realistic or anything, it's like stylized privileged boring douchiness. Listen I get enough of that in real life, fucking please do something else. This isn't news or anything, but that's why I read fic so much and why ~characterization is the most important to me. The best function of fic for me is that thing that one guy talked about (MY IMPECCABLE MEMORY) about how discussing the media is a way of extending the experience. It's an extension of my love for the people/media product itself. Oh god what the hell is this paragraph about. Fic is really valuable and interesting for a lot of reasons but personally it works for me because I'm already invested and I don't have to work to care. LOL EMOTIONAL LAZINESS
LOL just sitting here saving pictures from tumblr and listening to the Sound of Music soundtrack. Anything to avoid work.
no subject
The relationship between Krystal and Jessica really interests me. I always want to know how other sets of sisters get along, but those two have the added element of fame and it has to affect them. I do agree that they both have a similar presence.
Word about published fiction and fanfiction. Characters are really important to me, too, so I have a lot of the same problems with books. I've started focusing on non-fiction because it's easier to know if I'm going to like someone before I read. As for fanfiction, it's the best feeling to find something where everyone feels 'right.' If I can't recognize anyone, why bother reading? I don't want to call it emotional laziness (though I like the phrase, lol); I think extending the experience is nicer. XD
Good luck with your last week!
no subject
I'm interested too but at the same time I don't want to go looking for meta on them because I have my own issues with like people comparing sisters (it makes me bristle like a sad little hedgehog). It must be strange to be immersed in a world like that and have so many common acquaintances but not actually see each other that often. idk. There's probably a lot of tension that they try to ignore because they seem to genuinely like each other.
I'm tending toward nonfiction too but somehow I manage to depress myself with that even when the subject matter isn't depressing. Memoirs are a nice middle ground for me but in general I don't read that much anyway. ~Lazy~
Mmm yes, I totally agree, fic is best for me when it's effortless to read because everyone feels 'right'. I mean, this is a rly cheesy way to say it, but on a certain level I want to read fic because I want to spend more ~time with these people (UGH I'M SF CORNY UGH) and it like upsets me when the characterizations are so off. Sometimes I'm like shaking a fist in my head, all, "You tricked me!! You told me this was a story about Jonghyun and instead it's about this idiot dbag asshole AGAIN!!"
Thank you! I AM DYING A MILLION DEATHS ;~~~~;
no subject
I don't want to see them compared, either. I've never had anyone do that to me (that I know of...and I'm not counting my own self-judgments), but it'd be horrible to see. I really do hope they still like each other (why do I care so much? --;)
It can be depressing to read about other people's accomplishments and know it'll probably never happen for me. But, the good books will show their faults, too, and I love that.
That's the same reason I read fic. I'm lol-ing at the Jonghyun thing; it happens too often. And I'm so wary of fics with Key...
The last weeks are always the hardest (I don't understand why the major assignments are saved till then). Do you have a vacation to look forward to?
no subject
I rly don't think people who don't have sisters know how painful it can be. My sister and I are alike enough that the differences seem really important and I've internalized all the comparisons my extended family has done. Er but anyway I think they like each other! But I don't think they're, like, ESPECIALLY CLOSE. They spend so much time apart. Like, Jessica was (mock~)jealous of Krystal's affection toward Victoria, and Jessica herself is a social butterfly. Actually I think the fact that they have different social circles, styles, markets etc would help a lot to defuse the fame-related tension. okay um lol why am I shooting my mouth about this, I don't really know anything about them!!
Reading about successful people is infuriating but I also get anxious just literally by non-fiction and how much information there is in the world and how little interest I have in any of it. SIGH!
All of SHINee get it pretty bad wrt characterization. Poor Key lol, fandom allows him no dignity.
I have like ONE week off before summer sessions start. I'm pretty much in school non-stop until September. Dying dying dying.
no subject
ummmmmm in regards to beast, i don't know. i mean, i am very interested in two of the members but before they released this new album of theirs their music wasn't all that appealing to me and obviously all the racewank and odd outburst of machismo makes it hard to get into them. this sounds terrible but there are some things in kpop one needs to just go wtf at and then slowly back away from. what bothers me as much or maybe even more than idols showing off their ignorance is when fans try to make excuses for them. i mean just recognize that they're being ridiculous and learn from it why is that so hard.
what kind of fic do you read? i mean, what's your favorite? and hey look at this
no subject
Yeah idk it's not fair that some bands get implicated into these things while others don't (like the Kikwang thing was the show's responsibility, it's not like he couldn've refused to do it) but yeah you need to just not be involved sometimes for your own sanity. But some bands/companies just seem more prone to showcasing their cultural insensitivity than others too. I understand fans' needs to defend their favorites, I deffffinitely have that ridic protective streak in me myself, but it's just so TIRESOME and stupid. It is the worst when the fans switch tactics from "OPPA DIDN'T MEAN IT" to "IT'S NOT OFFENSIVE/EVERYONE IS TOO SENSITIVE/WHAT HE SAID WAS TRUE ANYWAY." Children, let's not. Ugh it's so difficult to like kpop sometimes, I just want to watch pretty people dancing well, why must I reevaluate my moral fiber so often!!
This fandom has destroyed me, I will legit read anything now. Like I think I've read, or at least attempted to read, every Jongho fic available in the English-speaking world. And I'll read anything with Jonghyun in it looool. ;~; Ah are you asking for specific favorites? Or fandoms? For SHINee off the top of my head my favorites are callherblondie's Frenemies: A Love Story, drugsex's headhunting, and blingdingdong's Vote for Me WIP. The characterizations in all of them are interesting and complex, plus they all seem to be actively saying something outside of just the plot. Like there's a style and a narrative argument? to be made. I like a lot of fic for weird little reasons too lol.
ugh ty for the gif. I love them, why are they so stupid and flirty?
no subject
still live in terror of the possibility of my favorites revealing themselves to hold the fucked up normative views on race, gender, etc.
THIS SO MUCH OMG
hey I hope you get this hours later because you're doing homework rn~ ;) anyway, GOOD LUCK ON YOUR LAST WEEK ♥ fighting!!!!
no subject
It's so much harder for me to think of things to say about cute things!
tbh I'm really glad SHINee is with SM because SM tends to have boring uncontroversial clean images WHICH IS COMPLETELY FINE BY ME. Especially when the alternatives are like Native American dress-up and blackface. Ugh oh god I think I would legit wither away and die if my favorites did/said/got implicated in something rly problematic. THE BUBBLE!!
Thanks so much!! Even though now I'm going to take a nap lol ;~~~; I have so many papersssss
no subject
omg take a nap!! then tackle those durn papers!!! ;~;