counting at war (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kerpingtack) wrote2010-06-05 02:52 am
kerpingtack) wrote2010-06-05 02:52 am
silent sigh
I just edited my OkCupid profile and I don't know why. Why did I log on in the first place?? I changed it so it no longer said I was looking for ~short term dating~, which is reasonable, but I also added a bunch of pictures, which is not. Mmmmaybe this has something to do with the fact that I looked lumpy as hell in the pictures for my sister's graduation. Ugh I'm such a fatass.
Okay, no, what the fuck, I'm not. But I LOOK like a fatass?? That doesn't even make any sense. Goddamnit why is that my first reflex. I'm not lumpy, I'm ~curvy~! ughhhh haaaaaaaaaate
UGH NOW I DID THAT FUCKING MYBESTFACE THING
I just hate that I'm so short and fucking dumpy, ugh fucking everything. I hate my face. And the whole area below my face. Like my body. Jeeeesus christ. I'm trying really hard not to fall into this spiral of thinking untrue, yet satisfying vicious things about myself but it's really hard. I'm not physically disgusting! I know I'm not! Why isn't that enough.
I treat OkCupid like a really creepy ego boost, which it in fact is. I'm really not interested in replying to or messaging anyone! The Choffy debacle was enough. Why did I switch out pictures? ~Insecurities~
My mom's office is pretty small, less than a dozen people working there, and the majority are women. But one of the guys has openly expressed his preference for Asian women and it makes me feel kinda gross. I mean I heard it second-hand through my mom and he's never done anything toward or around me or her, but it's weird that he told her at all, right? Why does any colleague or uhh ANYONE need to know about your yellow fever racism or whatever you want to call it? Keep it in your pants, guy. Actually everyone in the office is white except for me and my mom and one of the maintenance guys (I think he's Indian) and there's a bit of that "OH Asian culture is SO FASCINATING"-style of uhh admiration going on. Mostly from the menfolk.
I mention this because I have to work with him tomorrow for like 5 hours on some bullshit website thing. What the fuck, I don't know anything about websites or design or whatever. He just asked my mom if I could help him, and my mom of course said SURE WHY NOT. duuuurghhhh wtf
I keep refreshing my email to see if my MyBestFace report came in yet. Woooooooooooooooooow
edit: LOL CHOFFY MESSAGED ME. WHAAAAT THE FUCK DOES HE HAVE A HIT ON ME?? LOOL OMG
Okay, no, what the fuck, I'm not. But I LOOK like a fatass?? That doesn't even make any sense. Goddamnit why is that my first reflex. I'm not lumpy, I'm ~curvy~! ughhhh haaaaaaaaaate
UGH NOW I DID THAT FUCKING MYBESTFACE THING
I just hate that I'm so short and fucking dumpy, ugh fucking everything. I hate my face. And the whole area below my face. Like my body. Jeeeesus christ. I'm trying really hard not to fall into this spiral of thinking untrue, yet satisfying vicious things about myself but it's really hard. I'm not physically disgusting! I know I'm not! Why isn't that enough.
I treat OkCupid like a really creepy ego boost, which it in fact is. I'm really not interested in replying to or messaging anyone! The Choffy debacle was enough. Why did I switch out pictures? ~Insecurities~
My mom's office is pretty small, less than a dozen people working there, and the majority are women. But one of the guys has openly expressed his preference for Asian women and it makes me feel kinda gross. I mean I heard it second-hand through my mom and he's never done anything toward or around me or her, but it's weird that he told her at all, right? Why does any colleague or uhh ANYONE need to know about your yellow fever racism or whatever you want to call it? Keep it in your pants, guy. Actually everyone in the office is white except for me and my mom and one of the maintenance guys (I think he's Indian) and there's a bit of that "OH Asian culture is SO FASCINATING"-style of uhh admiration going on. Mostly from the menfolk.
I mention this because I have to work with him tomorrow for like 5 hours on some bullshit website thing. What the fuck, I don't know anything about websites or design or whatever. He just asked my mom if I could help him, and my mom of course said SURE WHY NOT. duuuurghhhh wtf
I keep refreshing my email to see if my MyBestFace report came in yet. Woooooooooooooooooow
edit: LOL CHOFFY MESSAGED ME. WHAAAAT THE FUCK DOES HE HAVE A HIT ON ME?? LOOL OMG