complaining
Nov. 10th, 2010 04:03 pmI fucking hate that when you backspace on google, it doesn't take you back; it backspaces your search. FUCK YOU GOOGLE
My firefox will NOT fucking restore my tabs. It is infuriating.
Tinhats are goddamn weird.
Being told, "That was the first time I thought you were beautiful as a person" by someone who has known you your entire life is weirdly insulting. Especially when the comment was completely unprompted. wtf, "as a person." gtfo my life, cousin.
Jonghyun is too perfect for life.
I'M LATE FOR MY DISCUSSION SECTION
My firefox will NOT fucking restore my tabs. It is infuriating.
Tinhats are goddamn weird.
Being told, "That was the first time I thought you were beautiful as a person" by someone who has known you your entire life is weirdly insulting. Especially when the comment was completely unprompted. wtf, "as a person." gtfo my life, cousin.
Jonghyun is too perfect for life.
I'M LATE FOR MY DISCUSSION SECTION
runaway truck exit ramp
Jun. 30th, 2010 04:21 amTo be honest I like feeling a bit sad and melancholy which I suppose is why I indulge myself in nostalgia so often. Re-reading things is fun, but always a little sad. I remember what it felt like to read it for the first time and it's like I can't ever quite feel that way again.
I'm thinking about a year ago, last summer. I don't remember a lot of last year, especially spring quarter and my time at Berkeley. Well, I don't want to remember. Last year's April through August was really bad. I cried a lot, like so much it scared me, though me being me I was also impressed by it and wanted to record it for posterity. (here it is!) Being alone, feeling alone, loneliness, a huge wound of loneliness really, all of that. Actually I don't even know if it was really all that bad, because I got some good things out of it, but whenever I think about it my mind instinctively tries NOT to think about it and my general impression of the time period is bad, so I figure, it wasn't great. It was a gamechanger though. It bent my life in a different direction. I don't know if it's good or bad. Maybe just necessary.
I really think that I need a friend, not a boyfriend, but I am obsessed with my physical appearance lately and I want an ego handjob in that department. Maybe I don't even want a boyfriend because that seems kind of irritating and too touchy and a lot of work. I just want someone to be like, I think you're pretty, I like your body, I like the way you look, I like you, you're fine, always and forever, you're fine. The problem is that I feel too much responsibility in any kind of social interaction, with absolutely no capacity to live up to that responsibility. I never feel good enough, not for myself, not for anyone or anything. And I KNOW that that's bullshit, it doesn't work like that. I know a lot of things. But there's something that can't be dislodged inside. It blocks the knowing from making a difference. Is it fear? The other day I was driving and I suddenly thought: If I could get over myself, I could be amazing. It makes me feel strange and excited just to think it. I could be amazing. Somewhere I know that.
In the meanwhile I'm still don't want to go back to school in the fall and I'm still not even ALLOWED to do so. Two different academic holds and one financial hold, haaay~
Anyway, what I'm REALLY trying to say is that I'm re-reading a lot of bandom fics and it's making me so nostalgic I could die.
clutter that is in your way
Nov. 15th, 2008 11:06 pmTHINGS I HATE
(they are related)
1. When people act like not reading a lot of books or not knowing the meaning of a word makes you unintelligent or uneducated or whatever. ESPECIALLY when it's used in fiction by an author to point out a ~difference~ between two characters. UGH, just gtfo. This concept is seriously so fucking stupid to me.
2. When people act like stammering or otherwise taking a long time to physically say something makes you unintelligent et al. People conflate this with like being INCOHERENT which srsly, gtfo, or with actually SAYING something unintelligent. Why are people so relentlessly annoying??
I feel like I should find a better way to generalize grievances than just saying "people" all vague, but I can't think of anything!
I really, really love David Bowie's "A New Career In A New Town." It has a lot of good associations for me too. I think music is the best kind of sense memory. It's the strongest kind for me, anyway. For certain songs, when I listen to them, it's like I'm me at every moment I listened to that song, all at once in that one space. When I listen to a song like that, it's hard to want to leave the world.
(they are related)
1. When people act like not reading a lot of books or not knowing the meaning of a word makes you unintelligent or uneducated or whatever. ESPECIALLY when it's used in fiction by an author to point out a ~difference~ between two characters. UGH, just gtfo. This concept is seriously so fucking stupid to me.
2. When people act like stammering or otherwise taking a long time to physically say something makes you unintelligent et al. People conflate this with like being INCOHERENT which srsly, gtfo, or with actually SAYING something unintelligent. Why are people so relentlessly annoying??
I feel like I should find a better way to generalize grievances than just saying "people" all vague, but I can't think of anything!
I really, really love David Bowie's "A New Career In A New Town." It has a lot of good associations for me too. I think music is the best kind of sense memory. It's the strongest kind for me, anyway. For certain songs, when I listen to them, it's like I'm me at every moment I listened to that song, all at once in that one space. When I listen to a song like that, it's hard to want to leave the world.
The nanowrimo is seriously a disaster. I figured out sort of what I wanted to do yesterday. From the beginning I wanted to write someone who was a very thinly disguised stand-in for ~me~, and I still want to do that. But yesterday I made the breakthrough that I wanted to write about a family which was good because now I finally have something to write about, and bad because now everything seems creepy.
More crazy! Sometimes when I'm alone I'm all like self, you are pretty good-looking! IDK what happens in my brain. Maybe it's because I'm alone, so I have nothing to compare it to? idk idk idk
(originally combined with this entry under "consolidation nation")
HELLO EVERYONE!
Tags:
if you guys want me to stop updating
Aug. 29th, 2008 05:03 pmYou will probably have to assassinate me. IN PERSON.
This post is about 800% boring.
SOOOO the Academy Is' newest album: I downloaded it specifically just to get one song off of it (Summer Hair = Forever Young) but I listened to the whole thing just to check it out. It's weird; I don't really like most of the songs, but I quite like it as an album. It makes me feel anxious b/c it's been a looooong time since I liked any album as an album, not just a file folder of songs. Arghh I h8 that I have to have my whole music collection in one place for the iPod. It's at 19 gigs right now. LOL I HAVE 8 GB LEFT ON MY LAPTOP. D: I can't really afford to keep shit I don't really like around. BUT MUSICAL APPRECIATION!! Man if I was in middle school I would've been supercool with TAI, like Matchbox 20 and Goo Goo Dolls.
I saw a CAPSLOCKY post on the Jonas Brothers and I clicked the link, oh yes! Because as much as I wish that I had never known of the Jonas Brothers' existence, there is like nothing I love more than POSTS ALL IN CAPSLOCK. But halfway through the ginormous picspam I started getting a headache. I think that I am physically allergic to them!!
In my dream my cousin brang home a huge dragon and it terrorized everyone! EVERYONE! And we didn't know what it did to my cat, like maybe it ate Mellie!! So I was all hysterically screaming at my cousin "IF I CAN'T FIND MELLIE I AM GOING TO HATE YOU FOREVER, NO I'M SERIOUS" and I like slapped his nose (I was aiming for his face but I was so ~distraught, I missed) and scratched the fuck out of his arm. But then we found Mellie! She was frazzled and stressed out but mostly okay, so I hugged my cousin and told him I was sorry for "like, ripping your arm to shreds with my fingernails." And we were cool. Ugh a dragon. The dragon had a grudge because it had been abused by its old owner! Like Charizard!! Ugh wrrrrrrry.
The second part of my dream was at a college. And like... this security guard let us (I don't know who 'us' is, I think me and a bunch of nameless faceless students) take tons of food from the vending machines for free, in an act of heroic communism against the oppressive totalitarian reign of the school? I don't know. It INSPIRED!! us to REBEL at the football game, since we were like the halftime show or whatever. (BROLETARIATS, UNITE LOLOLOLLO.) I wasn't in on whatever revolutionary stunt we were going to do, so I, like the rest of the audience, was surprised when they wheeled out a GINORMOUS CAKE REPLICA of Jesus on the cross. Basically, "..."
Another dream, private entry, 01 August 2008 @ 11:13 pm:
I had a loooong dream yesterday which I will now relate to you through the majesty of song. Song and blog. Blong. I had to drive to a school library while it was sort of raining, and I parked a little too close to the fence. Salma Hayek was in the parking lot and when I got out of the car she was like, "How does anyone let you drive with your craziness?", all derisive about the fence thing. How is that any of your business, Salma Hayek? Go home. The inside of the school looked like a cross between a library, the New York uh... stock market room (like with all the businessmen yelling at the TV screens in a circle and stuff *has the dumb*), and the Project Runway work room. I saw Annette there and told her about the invitation thing, and I asked, "So um is it okay?" and she said no, so I said that was okay and wandered off to the computer terminals (they were on the Project Runway tables) and Emily, I read a blog entry by you!
Stupid Salma Hayek.
This post is about 800% boring.
SOOOO the Academy Is' newest album: I downloaded it specifically just to get one song off of it (Summer Hair = Forever Young) but I listened to the whole thing just to check it out. It's weird; I don't really like most of the songs, but I quite like it as an album. It makes me feel anxious b/c it's been a looooong time since I liked any album as an album, not just a file folder of songs. Arghh I h8 that I have to have my whole music collection in one place for the iPod. It's at 19 gigs right now. LOL I HAVE 8 GB LEFT ON MY LAPTOP. D: I can't really afford to keep shit I don't really like around. BUT MUSICAL APPRECIATION!! Man if I was in middle school I would've been supercool with TAI, like Matchbox 20 and Goo Goo Dolls.
I saw a CAPSLOCKY post on the Jonas Brothers and I clicked the link, oh yes! Because as much as I wish that I had never known of the Jonas Brothers' existence, there is like nothing I love more than POSTS ALL IN CAPSLOCK. But halfway through the ginormous picspam I started getting a headache. I think that I am physically allergic to them!!
In my dream my cousin brang home a huge dragon and it terrorized everyone! EVERYONE! And we didn't know what it did to my cat, like maybe it ate Mellie!! So I was all hysterically screaming at my cousin "IF I CAN'T FIND MELLIE I AM GOING TO HATE YOU FOREVER, NO I'M SERIOUS" and I like slapped his nose (I was aiming for his face but I was so ~distraught, I missed) and scratched the fuck out of his arm. But then we found Mellie! She was frazzled and stressed out but mostly okay, so I hugged my cousin and told him I was sorry for "like, ripping your arm to shreds with my fingernails." And we were cool. Ugh a dragon. The dragon had a grudge because it had been abused by its old owner! Like Charizard!! Ugh wrrrrrrry.
The second part of my dream was at a college. And like... this security guard let us (I don't know who 'us' is, I think me and a bunch of nameless faceless students) take tons of food from the vending machines for free, in an act of heroic communism against the oppressive totalitarian reign of the school? I don't know. It INSPIRED!! us to REBEL at the football game, since we were like the halftime show or whatever. (BROLETARIATS, UNITE LOLOLOLLO.) I wasn't in on whatever revolutionary stunt we were going to do, so I, like the rest of the audience, was surprised when they wheeled out a GINORMOUS CAKE REPLICA of Jesus on the cross. Basically, "..."
Another dream, private entry, 01 August 2008 @ 11:13 pm:
I had a loooong dream yesterday which I will now relate to you through the majesty of song. Song and blog. Blong. I had to drive to a school library while it was sort of raining, and I parked a little too close to the fence. Salma Hayek was in the parking lot and when I got out of the car she was like, "How does anyone let you drive with your craziness?", all derisive about the fence thing. How is that any of your business, Salma Hayek? Go home. The inside of the school looked like a cross between a library, the New York uh... stock market room (like with all the businessmen yelling at the TV screens in a circle and stuff *has the dumb*), and the Project Runway work room. I saw Annette there and told her about the invitation thing, and I asked, "So um is it okay?" and she said no, so I said that was okay and wandered off to the computer terminals (they were on the Project Runway tables) and Emily, I read a blog entry by you!
Stupid Salma Hayek.
SUPER THRILLING!!!!
I'M SO DEEP THREE IS FOUR
Oct. 3rd, 2007 12:33 amSome bitch this morning left the water on while she carefully massaged every particle of her stupid soap into every pore of her stupid face. RARRRGGHHHH.
Fact: the sinks on my floor are arranged onto counters; they aren't free-standing basins.
Problem: PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING. How are the counters wet ALL THE TIME? WHAT DO PEOPLE DO TO IT? What are people putting on it to make it so wet? Disgusting: hair in the sink. Most disgusting: hair floating in puddles on the wet ALL THE TIME counters.
Fact: you should not be allowed to shower if you cannot TURN OFF THE WATER. SO MUCH DRIPPING, ALL THE TIME. EVERYTHING DISGUSTING ALL THE TIME.
I have to get back into my note-taking groove. Things were moving fast this morning in lecture! I feel a bit of a fool now because during Thursday's lecture, the prof was like "Logic is one of those subjects where a lot of people will find easy as pie and a lot of people will struggle enormously wif" and I was like PAH! I am in the first category of people, as I like pie and can do those logic puzzles within like... three days. That's ~talent~. But as it turns out I think I might be in the second category! I was just realizing I should be going "wait... what?" as everyone else was nodding like bobbleheads. Genius bobbleheads. Suzie is taller than Jane but shorter than the child wearing the brown shirt. The boy living in the red house is neither the oldest nor the youngest!!!!
I read this sort of upsetting article in the Daily Bruin (which, BTW, is okay what? kind of newspaper is that? are they serious about some of those articles?) about this 85-year old man who had been found to be a former Nazi guard. (It's this story.) He's been living in the US since 1955 with his wife and federal authorities have begun deportation proceedings. On the one hand, um, Nazis. And principles, and symbols, and that deep scar on humanity. But on the other... he's really old y'all, it seems a little much somehow. I guess, since they're not pressing criminal charges, just deporting him, it makes sadsense. The article was sympathetic to him too, and threw in random fax like how he's hard of hearing and has heart problems and has to use a walker. I will ruminate upon this longarr.I was at one of the main student hubs, waiting for the person selling the Women's Studies textbook, and thus got the joy of hearing a local/student band (?) play. They were REALLY loud and might as well been Taking Back Sunday, they sounded exaaaactly like them, except with a less nasal singer. They were pretty amusing though. (I couldn't tell who was talking when, they all sounded the same pretty much. Whatevs.)
Guy 1: We're playing this for the blood drive... they were nice enough to have us, um...
Guy Who I Suspect Was the Singer: Yeah, so go donate blood! Rock out with your blood out!!
(That would've been heee enough, but not much later!)
Guy Who Enjoys Cramming His Foot Inside His Mouf and May or May Not Have Been Suspected Singer: At least we're getting paid for this... it's not like we necessarily want to be here...
Diplomatic Guy: *quietly* Uh, yeah we do.
Guy Who I Suspect Was the Singer: Yeah, so go donate blood! Rock out with your blood out!!
(That would've been heee enough, but not much later!)
Guy Who Enjoys Cramming His Foot Inside His Mouf and May or May Not Have Been Suspected Singer: At least we're getting paid for this... it's not like we necessarily want to be here...
Diplomatic Guy: *quietly* Uh, yeah we do.
Singer (right after finishing a song): I liked that part in the first chorus when everbody came in and we sounded like Britney Spears... except not so *unintelligble noise*. That was awesome...
*other members of the band, all at once*
Guy 1: I wasn't singing...
Guy 2: No.
Guy 3: What the hell are you talking about?!
Singer: So, we are no longer the Emo Vaginas... we're back to being the [whatever the band name is, it had the word "Halo" in it I think]. Unless you don't like us. Then we're... Fall Out Boy.
Guy 1: We could be Fall Out Boy.
Singer: Yeah, I could be Fall Out Boy... *disdainfully* If I gained, like, 150 pounds.
Guy 1: If you don't think we suck that bad, come pick up a CD. It's free!
Guy 2: Yeah, and it's pretty. So even if you think we do suck, you can at least have a cool coaster.
Guy 1: Or a frisbee!
I have to admit, they had won me over by this point. They weren't playing to many people and they weren't that brain-gougingly terrible, considering who they sounded like. They weren't inept with their instruments at least. I thought about picking up a CD but. Okay I know I just said that they weren't so bad, but for real, they were giving me a monstrous headache and I couldn't freaking take it anymore, I HAD TO LEAVE THAT AREA ENTIRELY. I was late meeting my textbook person but it was worth saving my brains.
Scene: A little over an hour ago, waiting 4000000 hours for my sammich to be made at Bruin Cafe.
Me: *sucking vacantly at my drink, delirious from hunger and fatigue* OH GINGER ALE!!! You make me feel ALIVE. I love you soooooo much ginger ale, you are always sooooo gooooooood.
Seriously, I thought about how good ginger ale was for a solid minute. I was spacing out so hard. In fact I was l i k e t h i s ~
