flip flip flipadelphia
Nov. 30th, 2020 08:21 pmI was (potentially?) exposed to coronavirus at my workplace last Tuesday so I have been self-isolating at home since then. And hmmmmmm okay six days of being indoors 24/7 is not the best thing? I'm already such a recluse but this extra prohibition of not being able to order food for pick up (which is really the only thing that I go out for, besides monthly trips for groceries) is Taking a Toll. I've only been out to get the mail once and to putter around in the backyard. That one text post that's like "*spends all my time alone* perfect! but why am i crazy" only gets truer and truer for me by the day.
Also bad for the brain: I've probably gained 10-15 pounds and it does make me feel bad about myself, lol. Everything returns! EVERYTHING! Nothing ever goes away!! Anyway instead of being healthy about it by either 1. accepting that weight has nothing to do with self-worth, or 2. exercising more, I have decided to just decrease food consumption. I didn't eat until 1:30 p.m. today, and that was just half a cup of coffee, half a bowl of ramen, and half a cookie. At least what little I'm eating is nutritious, amirite.
Oh fuck. Typing this out made me realize that this feeling is the feeling of junior year of undergrad. COMPLETE with the Beatles renaissance. LOL jesus.
More self-obsession: trawling my old lj/dw entries and my old tumblr posts and feeling bigly embarrassed. I was trying so hard to be funny and/or sound smart, though I knew full well that I was neither. I think it depresses me more than normal because as I spend more time online, I really feel my age (Youths these days! they amaze and bedazzle, astound and confound!) and looking back makes me feel that I haven't grown, I've just become more self-aware. I feel a lot of guilt for not doing more in the world and for having ingrained liberalism. Only thoughts, no action. So much useless fear and anxiety. Now I just feel olllllllld with all the same horrible thoughts and feelings, and I can't even recast them into ~fresh new vernacular~ because I am just so very olllllllld. 2030 me will most likely look upon these posts and also be like "I wish I didn't know her." To my future self: scurry forward! We're all dying!
Also bad for the brain: I've probably gained 10-15 pounds and it does make me feel bad about myself, lol. Everything returns! EVERYTHING! Nothing ever goes away!! Anyway instead of being healthy about it by either 1. accepting that weight has nothing to do with self-worth, or 2. exercising more, I have decided to just decrease food consumption. I didn't eat until 1:30 p.m. today, and that was just half a cup of coffee, half a bowl of ramen, and half a cookie. At least what little I'm eating is nutritious, amirite.
Oh fuck. Typing this out made me realize that this feeling is the feeling of junior year of undergrad. COMPLETE with the Beatles renaissance. LOL jesus.
More self-obsession: trawling my old lj/dw entries and my old tumblr posts and feeling bigly embarrassed. I was trying so hard to be funny and/or sound smart, though I knew full well that I was neither. I think it depresses me more than normal because as I spend more time online, I really feel my age (Youths these days! they amaze and bedazzle, astound and confound!) and looking back makes me feel that I haven't grown, I've just become more self-aware. I feel a lot of guilt for not doing more in the world and for having ingrained liberalism. Only thoughts, no action. So much useless fear and anxiety. Now I just feel olllllllld with all the same horrible thoughts and feelings, and I can't even recast them into ~fresh new vernacular~ because I am just so very olllllllld. 2030 me will most likely look upon these posts and also be like "I wish I didn't know her." To my future self: scurry forward! We're all dying!
collation designation
Jul. 3rd, 2020 03:37 pmcompiling my tweets For Posterity!
The Terror s1
( the leads, sir )
X-Men: First Class liveblog
( my fake fandom )
The Terror s1
( the leads, sir )
X-Men: First Class liveblog
( my fake fandom )
the brooding thoughts are not enough
May. 9th, 2020 10:52 amHad I the wherewithal, the panache, two brain cells to rub together, I would write normally in paragraphs. But I don't, so everything is gonna be lists. Transitions smansitions.
Here are some tropes I like!
Here are some tropes I dislike!
Here are some tropes I like!
1. the characters have been estranged for a long time and they meet each other again and it's tense and sad and eventually they bone but there's a lot of tense sadness first
2. AU where one character finds the other injured in the woods and nurses them back to health in their cabin or whatever and it's like Little House on the Prairie with lots of descriptions of chopping firewood and getting supplies
3. HURT/COMFORT KIDNAPPING
4. "I thought I was going to be okay. I'm so stupid." - hopeless resignation, especially about unrequited love. i Love Sadness
5. "I wish I had known you when we were young" - wanting to save and protect the younger self of the person you love; working through trauma by helping the one you love
6. Overboard!AU
7. slow burn arranged marriage... especially with an age difference ;;;;;
Here are some tropes I dislike!
1. vampires. they are pointless, do nothing
2. one person is immortal, the other is not
3. student/teacher
4. is there ANYTHING more inane than soulmate mark AUs?? there is just nothing there.
4. is there ANYTHING more inane than soulmate mark AUs?? there is just nothing there.
keep playing back
Apr. 25th, 2018 02:32 pmmy favorite moments in music this year
1. "Maybe it's a dumb thing, staying after all - maybe I can go home after this one call" in Demo Taped's Not Enough (@ 2:04). straight up pretty
2. Jinsoul's adlib in the final chorus of Loona: Odd Eye Circle's Girl Front (@ 2:43). the perfect last touch in a perfect song. love love love
3. Kei's line in the chorus of Lovelyz's Twinkle (@ 1:33, 2:43, 3:28). I scrub through the song just to hear this one line over and over. the way her voice flies at "hae-jo~~" really does feel like the ringing of church bells. I could live in this moment. Kei's clarity and resonance knocks me out ;;;;;
1. "Maybe it's a dumb thing, staying after all - maybe I can go home after this one call" in Demo Taped's Not Enough (@ 2:04). straight up pretty
2. Jinsoul's adlib in the final chorus of Loona: Odd Eye Circle's Girl Front (@ 2:43). the perfect last touch in a perfect song. love love love
3. Kei's line in the chorus of Lovelyz's Twinkle (@ 1:33, 2:43, 3:28). I scrub through the song just to hear this one line over and over. the way her voice flies at "hae-jo~~" really does feel like the ringing of church bells. I could live in this moment. Kei's clarity and resonance knocks me out ;;;;;
cat cow bird dog
Sep. 4th, 2017 12:58 amWOW I HAD PAGES OF IMPORTANT ANIMU THOUGHTS AND DREAMWIDTH WILL NOT RESTORE MY SAVED DRAFT, AS USUAL!!!
