hither and yon

I hate it when you stay up really late every night for a week and half for no reason and start being late for every class and have to walk around in the rain while you're hungry and you don't know what the good godly fuck is going on in Statistics even though you have a midterm next week AND THEN you realize that your bra has unhooked for the second time that day because you've lost weight only in the breastonomous area. There should be a word for that.

The more I am around people the more I realize that most conversations make me want to kill myself. Working in stacks is terrrrrrrrrrrrible. There's a lot of downtime so people just hang out and talk. I resent feeling antisocial during those moments because there is NO conceivable way to participate in those conversations. "I went shopping on Saturday and this morning I couldn't even decide what to wear, I had sooo many clothes." WHAT THE HELL IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT???? "Wow, that's amazing! How do you have any money left? By the way, I wish I could kick you into a vat of sulfuric acid for making me listen to you talk." My days are boring as shit too, but I don't proudly suck away people's life force by talking about it. Go home and write about it in your blog. ~ta da~

I AM GOING BONKERS OMG WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME

IF I CANNOT FINISH THIS PAPER TODAY

I WILL

LITERALLY

DIE

WHY IS THIS SO HARD, I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS CONTINUOUSLY LIKE NIGHT AND DAY FOR TWO WEEKS AND IT IS STILL NOT FINISHED AND IT IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE 6 - 10 PAGES DOUBLE-SPACED WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

AND NOW MY EARS ARE RINGING!!! GREAT I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE A STROKE OR SOMETHING THAT IS GREAT

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE 5 HOURS OF SLEEP I'VE BEEN AVERAGING FOR THE PAST WEEK OR THE CAN OF CHERRY COKE I JUST DRANK

CAPS CAPS CAPS

I AM SO SAD IN MY HEART RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! THIS PAPER IS NEVER GOING TO BE FINISHED 

LOOK AT ALL MY TAGS, I HOPE THEY ARE AS LONG AS THE ACTUAL ENTRY

WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY AND WHY ARE THEY ALL SO RELEVANT

HOBO CORN

OBAMA'S ICY GLAMOUR

BILLY IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

This entry was started on Saturday when I was sadcat and finished today, when I am not so sadcat. Mm.

I was flipping through my bookmarks and came across something I had uh obviously forgotten about. As an addendum to my "rrgh twitter suxx" post: Color War 2008 which, instead of bitching about twitter, finds a way to make it an actual fun social space. Much more constructive. PS, Ze Frank is one of my most favorite People I Don't Actually Know in the world.

Anyway now I will continue bitching about everything. I have a very strange outlook on the world at this stage of my life. It's like pessimistic nihilism with a hair-trigger hard-on for the ~goodness of man and ~worth of life. Also I fetishize hope pretty hard. I am both desperate to and scared of Believing in people, myself, god, anything. It's a sum total of being a fuck-up and not knowing how to recover from things. Instead I'm just devastated all the time. ~Everyday is a risk I can't take because I don't know how to come back from it. It's self-perpetuating fear, yeah, but it's not unfounded. Like, I know my life is worse off for being scurred all the time but what's the alternative? Shit if there's one thing the past four years have taught me, it's that things can always ALWAYS get worse. 

The Lexabro's not working. Or worse, it IS working, but I'm so fucked-up and shitty that even with the help I'm still a mess. I'm a really sad person.

I guess I have opinions on X-Men! X2 is easily the best movie in the franchise. The new Wolverine movie looks kinda dumb. By kinda I mean shyeah. By shyeah I mean I wish I hadn't eaten the last cookie yesterday. Emma Frost does not look nearly as fabulous enough as she deserves. That was Twilight-level dazzle in the commercials. I will never ever ever understand the appeal of Taylor Kitsch. He is SUCH A BAD ACTOR. WHY DOES NO ONE MENTION THIS???? HE IS TERRIBLE. Also he is fug as hell. I don't understand anyone. Finally, if there is Cyclops in the movie, wherefore no James Marsden? I don't care if he is supposed to be teenager!Cyclops. James Mraaarrrrrrrrrrrsdennnnnn. *__* Man I wish I was more into comic books. 

I went to Fridge's cousin's birthday party on Saturday and got a bit drunk. I don't think I did anything embarrassing but I feel embarrassed anyway. I feel like I am overflowing with want and that everyone can see it. I am neeeeeeeeeeedy. But also, I hate people. It's a tricky situation. For example, I hella wanted (male) attention even though the party was filled with condescending bastards. Tip, you cannot tell jokes to condescending bastards because they will take you seriously and be all "LOL did you JUST say that? THIS GIRL IS SOOO DRUNK." Fuck you, douchebag, I was using my sarcastic voice.

So afterward I missed the last step whilst walking back to the apt and rolled my ankle. Trying to take care of it was a bitch and a half; it took all day today since the medical center isn't open on the weekends. Very convenient, that. It turns out that I fractured the tip of my left fibula. The brace/cast felt like sex when they put it on, omg, soooo comforting. Crutches are hard fucking work. It took me 45 minutes to walk back to the apt when it usually takes 15 minutes and by the end of it I was so tired I could've cried. It was really humiliating and pathetic before I got the crutches though, because I couldn't put any weight on my foot so I seriously had to hop around from like bench to lamp post to side of a building etc. The worst part is that I'm not going to able to work with Library Guy anymore since I can't uh work in stacks. <-- creeper

Midterm was not good. Still don't have a research paper topic. I don't fucking care, I just want to get the fuck out. Even more so with this fracture nonsense.

Ways My Brother and My Cat Are Similar
- They both like the slices of orange Kraft cheese and do not like the bricks of respectable real cheeses.
- They are both small.
- They are both spectacularly loud for being so small.
- They both spill their food all over the place.
- They are both fast.
- They are both smart but do things that look extraordinarily stupid from an outside perspective; ex: act like they can't get inside the garage even though they most certainly can (cat), run bodily into a floor-length window twice (brother).
- It is tiring to get either of them clean.

Things I Have Done This Summer
- Got a new freckle on my hand.
- Played a billion neopets games.
- Drove somewhere by myself.
- Gotten a haircut.
- Wiped out on a bike.

Things I Have Not Done This Summer
- Gotten 12+ hours of sleep.
- Killed a man just to watch him die.
- LOST WEIGHT.
- Organized my laptop files.
- Figured out where the cut on my hand came from.

Five Most Recent Filenames
1. come here to me bden
2. Max Vernon - I Kissed a Girl
3. EL OH EL WHY AM I LAUGHING
4. what is happening, i don't think i'm comfortable with this
5. I LOVE THIS MOMENT IN MY LIFE SO MUCH