It is 7 in the morning. I actually woke up at 4:30 but I FORCED myself back to sleep. YES I DID. At this point I have no choice but to accept that whatever happens, happens but my stomach is churning and my heart has been beating so strongly that it's kind of painful now. I hate the thought of being back on campus. Having to walk around, all those people everywhere. I haven't been outside all week. The furthest I went was last night to go to the laundry room. I've really been backsliding. I'm scared to even look at people again. My mom sent me an encouraging email this morning and I am practically memorizing it. 8 more hours. I'm really dying.
FEEL SO LOW YOU CAN'T FEEL NOTHIN AT ALL
Sep. 16th, 2010 01:07 pmI AM GOING BONKERS OMG WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME
IF I CANNOT FINISH THIS PAPER TODAY
I WILL
LITERALLY
DIE
WHY IS THIS SO HARD, I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS CONTINUOUSLY LIKE NIGHT AND DAY FOR TWO WEEKS AND IT IS STILL NOT FINISHED AND IT IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE 6 - 10 PAGES DOUBLE-SPACED WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
AND NOW MY EARS ARE RINGING!!! GREAT I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE A STROKE OR SOMETHING THAT IS GREAT
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE 5 HOURS OF SLEEP I'VE BEEN AVERAGING FOR THE PAST WEEK OR THE CAN OF CHERRY COKE I JUST DRANK
CAPS CAPS CAPS
I AM SO SAD IN MY HEART RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! THIS PAPER IS NEVER GOING TO BE FINISHED
LOOK AT ALL MY TAGS, I HOPE THEY ARE AS LONG AS THE ACTUAL ENTRY
WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY AND WHY ARE THEY ALL SO RELEVANT
HOBO CORN
OBAMA'S ICY GLAMOUR
BILLY IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
IF I CANNOT FINISH THIS PAPER TODAY
I WILL
LITERALLY
DIE
WHY IS THIS SO HARD, I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS CONTINUOUSLY LIKE NIGHT AND DAY FOR TWO WEEKS AND IT IS STILL NOT FINISHED AND IT IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE 6 - 10 PAGES DOUBLE-SPACED WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
AND NOW MY EARS ARE RINGING!!! GREAT I GUESS I'M GOING TO HAVE A STROKE OR SOMETHING THAT IS GREAT
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE 5 HOURS OF SLEEP I'VE BEEN AVERAGING FOR THE PAST WEEK OR THE CAN OF CHERRY COKE I JUST DRANK
CAPS CAPS CAPS
I AM SO SAD IN MY HEART RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! THIS PAPER IS NEVER GOING TO BE FINISHED
LOOK AT ALL MY TAGS, I HOPE THEY ARE AS LONG AS THE ACTUAL ENTRY
WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY AND WHY ARE THEY ALL SO RELEVANT
HOBO CORN
OBAMA'S ICY GLAMOUR
BILLY IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE
GODDAMNIT I JUST FUCKED UP
This squishy-cute cool guy from San Francisco messaged me, and I replied back, except then (because I'm a loser) I re-read what I wrote 10 minutes later, panicked that maybe I sounded bitchy, AND THEN FLIPPED OUT AND WROTE HIM A SPAZZY APOLOGY EMAIL THAT ENDED WITH "KINDLY PRETEND THAT THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN" BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. AUUUGHHH AWKWARDDDDDDD.
Okay I need to stop hanging around OkCupid. It is turning me into a bigger creeper than I already am. o____o
This squishy-cute cool guy from San Francisco messaged me, and I replied back, except then (because I'm a loser) I re-read what I wrote 10 minutes later, panicked that maybe I sounded bitchy, AND THEN FLIPPED OUT AND WROTE HIM A SPAZZY APOLOGY EMAIL THAT ENDED WITH "KINDLY PRETEND THAT THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN" BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. AUUUGHHH AWKWARDDDDDDD.
Okay I need to stop hanging around OkCupid. It is turning me into a bigger creeper than I already am. o____o
i like marx
May. 5th, 2009 05:36 amThis entry was started on Saturday when I was sadcat and finished today, when I am not so sadcat. Mm.
I was flipping through my bookmarks and came across something I had uh obviously forgotten about. As an addendum to my "rrgh twitter suxx" post: Color War 2008 which, instead of bitching about twitter, finds a way to make it an actual fun social space. Much more constructive. PS, Ze Frank is one of my most favorite People I Don't Actually Know in the world.
Anyway now I will continue bitching about everything. I have a very strange outlook on the world at this stage of my life. It's like pessimistic nihilism with a hair-trigger hard-on for the ~goodness of man and ~worth of life. Also I fetishize hope pretty hard. I am both desperate to and scared of Believing in people, myself, god, anything. It's a sum total of being a fuck-up and not knowing how to recover from things. Instead I'm just devastated all the time. ~Everyday is a risk I can't take because I don't know how to come back from it. It's self-perpetuating fear, yeah, but it's not unfounded. Like, I know my life is worse off for being scurred all the time but what's the alternative? Shit if there's one thing the past four years have taught me, it's that things can always ALWAYS get worse.
The Lexabro's not working. Or worse, it IS working, but I'm so fucked-up and shitty that even with the help I'm still a mess. I'm a really sad person.
I guess I have opinions on X-Men! X2 is easily the best movie in the franchise. The new Wolverine movie looks kinda dumb. By kinda I mean shyeah. By shyeah I mean I wish I hadn't eaten the last cookie yesterday. Emma Frost does not look nearly as fabulous enough as she deserves. That was Twilight-level dazzle in the commercials. I will never ever ever understand the appeal of Taylor Kitsch. He is SUCH A BAD ACTOR. WHY DOES NO ONE MENTION THIS???? HE IS TERRIBLE. Also he is fug as hell. I don't understand anyone. Finally, if there is Cyclops in the movie, wherefore no James Marsden? I don't care if he is supposed to be teenager!Cyclops. James Mraaarrrrrrrrrrrsdennnnnn. *__* Man I wish I was more into comic books.
I went to Fridge's cousin's birthday party on Saturday and got a bit drunk. I don't think I did anything embarrassing but I feel embarrassed anyway. I feel like I am overflowing with want and that everyone can see it. I am neeeeeeeeeeedy. But also, I hate people. It's a tricky situation. For example, I hella wanted (male) attention even though the party was filled with condescending bastards. Tip, you cannot tell jokes to condescending bastards because they will take you seriously and be all "LOL did you JUST say that? THIS GIRL IS SOOO DRUNK." Fuck you, douchebag, I was using my sarcastic voice.
So afterward I missed the last step whilst walking back to the apt and rolled my ankle. Trying to take care of it was a bitch and a half; it took all day today since the medical center isn't open on the weekends. Very convenient, that. It turns out that I fractured the tip of my left fibula. The brace/cast felt like sex when they put it on, omg, soooo comforting. Crutches are hard fucking work. It took me 45 minutes to walk back to the apt when it usually takes 15 minutes and by the end of it I was so tired I could've cried. It was really humiliating and pathetic before I got the crutches though, because I couldn't put any weight on my foot so I seriously had to hop around from like bench to lamp post to side of a building etc. The worst part is that I'm not going to able to work with Library Guy anymore since I can't uh work in stacks. <-- creeper
Midterm was not good. Still don't have a research paper topic. I don't fucking care, I just want to get the fuck out. Even more so with this fracture nonsense.
I was flipping through my bookmarks and came across something I had uh obviously forgotten about. As an addendum to my "rrgh twitter suxx" post: Color War 2008 which, instead of bitching about twitter, finds a way to make it an actual fun social space. Much more constructive. PS, Ze Frank is one of my most favorite People I Don't Actually Know in the world.
Anyway now I will continue bitching about everything. I have a very strange outlook on the world at this stage of my life. It's like pessimistic nihilism with a hair-trigger hard-on for the ~goodness of man and ~worth of life. Also I fetishize hope pretty hard. I am both desperate to and scared of Believing in people, myself, god, anything. It's a sum total of being a fuck-up and not knowing how to recover from things. Instead I'm just devastated all the time. ~Everyday is a risk I can't take because I don't know how to come back from it. It's self-perpetuating fear, yeah, but it's not unfounded. Like, I know my life is worse off for being scurred all the time but what's the alternative? Shit if there's one thing the past four years have taught me, it's that things can always ALWAYS get worse.
The Lexabro's not working. Or worse, it IS working, but I'm so fucked-up and shitty that even with the help I'm still a mess. I'm a really sad person.
I guess I have opinions on X-Men! X2 is easily the best movie in the franchise. The new Wolverine movie looks kinda dumb. By kinda I mean shyeah. By shyeah I mean I wish I hadn't eaten the last cookie yesterday. Emma Frost does not look nearly as fabulous enough as she deserves. That was Twilight-level dazzle in the commercials. I will never ever ever understand the appeal of Taylor Kitsch. He is SUCH A BAD ACTOR. WHY DOES NO ONE MENTION THIS???? HE IS TERRIBLE. Also he is fug as hell. I don't understand anyone. Finally, if there is Cyclops in the movie, wherefore no James Marsden? I don't care if he is supposed to be teenager!Cyclops. James Mraaarrrrrrrrrrrsdennnnnn. *__* Man I wish I was more into comic books.
I went to Fridge's cousin's birthday party on Saturday and got a bit drunk. I don't think I did anything embarrassing but I feel embarrassed anyway. I feel like I am overflowing with want and that everyone can see it. I am neeeeeeeeeeedy. But also, I hate people. It's a tricky situation. For example, I hella wanted (male) attention even though the party was filled with condescending bastards. Tip, you cannot tell jokes to condescending bastards because they will take you seriously and be all "LOL did you JUST say that? THIS GIRL IS SOOO DRUNK." Fuck you, douchebag, I was using my sarcastic voice.
So afterward I missed the last step whilst walking back to the apt and rolled my ankle. Trying to take care of it was a bitch and a half; it took all day today since the medical center isn't open on the weekends. Very convenient, that. It turns out that I fractured the tip of my left fibula. The brace/cast felt like sex when they put it on, omg, soooo comforting. Crutches are hard fucking work. It took me 45 minutes to walk back to the apt when it usually takes 15 minutes and by the end of it I was so tired I could've cried. It was really humiliating and pathetic before I got the crutches though, because I couldn't put any weight on my foot so I seriously had to hop around from like bench to lamp post to side of a building etc. The worst part is that I'm not going to able to work with Library Guy anymore since I can't uh work in stacks. <-- creeper
Midterm was not good. Still don't have a research paper topic. I don't fucking care, I just want to get the fuck out. Even more so with this fracture nonsense.
DON'T TOY WITH ME, JEFFREY TAMBOR
Nov. 13th, 2008 05:17 amIF YOU SAY THE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT MOVIE IS "A GO" IT HAD BETTER BE GOING A GOING
ALSO MICHAEL CERA SO HELP ME GOD, YOU HAD BETTER HAVE BEEN TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT WHEN YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/29664678.html
LOL I love ontd and Arrested Development fans, it's a critical mass of awesome. Every comment in that post is like the inside of my heart. I REALLY CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER EITHER, FIRST COMMENT!! PLEASE BE TRUE
I know that it's 5 AM , I can spend an hour laughing at every other sentence I read on ontd if I want. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A 10 PAGE PAPER DUE OR ANYTHING.
ALSO MICHAEL CERA SO HELP ME GOD, YOU HAD BETTER HAVE BEEN TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT WHEN YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/29664678.html
LOL I love ontd and Arrested Development fans, it's a critical mass of awesome. Every comment in that post is like the inside of my heart. I REALLY CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER EITHER, FIRST COMMENT!! PLEASE BE TRUE
I know that it's 5 AM , I can spend an hour laughing at every other sentence I read on ontd if I want. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A 10 PAGE PAPER DUE OR ANYTHING.
facebook notes: all rage, all the time
Nov. 12th, 2008 12:55 amSome motherfucker is tapping their pencil/fingers/slab of cement/stalactited peen on the desk somewhere in this library. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? WHY?? Everyone is already stressed out and crammed in here in these stupid filmsy desks like... things that are stressed out and crammed in, and now this chowderhead is THOCKTHOCKTHOCKTHOCKing the night away.
THOCK THOCK THOCKTHOCKTHOCK
THOCK
THOCK
THOCKTHOCKTHOCKTHOCKTHOCK
WHY?? Is it... because this person is an inconsiderate asshole? Surely not! Listen Anonymous Tapper, if Anonymous Tapping is the way you deal with stress, that's fine, but know that you have just exponentially increased your chances of being punched in the neck with a brick.
THOCK THOCK THOCKTHOCKTHOCK
THOCK
THOCK
THOCKTHOCKTHOCKTHOCKTHOCK
WHY?? Is it... because this person is an inconsiderate asshole? Surely not! Listen Anonymous Tapper, if Anonymous Tapping is the way you deal with stress, that's fine, but know that you have just exponentially increased your chances of being punched in the neck with a brick.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
Oct. 10th, 2008 06:57 pmTHIS IS THE FACE OF DEVASTATION
Seriously, I am going out tomorrow and buying a metric ton of these cookies. ;___;
Seriously, I am going out tomorrow and buying a metric ton of these cookies. ;___;