hither and yon

Man I really didn't realize just how popular SNSD was. I mean, I knew they were popular and beloved, but I thought it was like a generalized girl group popularity, even if they're at the top of that particular heap, and I was worried that they'd drop out of public favor and disband and be forgotten. OMG that's not going to happen anytime soon, AT ALL. They're the first girl group to ever win the Album Daesang award (which is like The Big Award I guess?? the Korean music industry is kind of shambling, they have like twelve different charts and different companies boycott different awards shows, etc. but I know this is a big deal!!) and the first artist ever to win both the Album Daesang and the Digital Music Daesang. They are so loved. Look at this fancam, they were so not expecting it. Everyone looks genuinely shocked. Taeyeon crying, she doesn't usually cry. The way they pull each other in for a hug at the end. ;____;

( ;____; i say ;____; )

Oh man, when they first debuted they had a lot of stupid little controversies that were just people giving them shit for no reason. In 2008 a bunch of fan clubs for other bands got together and decided to "boycott" them during the Dream Concert, so when SNSD went on stage like the whole stadium turned off their glowsticks and stayed silent the entire performance. Shit like that. But now they're really number one in the whole country, not just among girl groups or idols, and they're so down-to-earth and funny and kind and they really love one another. Oh man. I'm so soft inside right now. SOSHI FOREVER YOU GUYS

My five days of torture turned out to be unnecessarily grim, as everyone had guessed, because I passed! the! class! YES! The professor was concerned about plagiarism, but not the accidental kind, and after she determined from my sea of babbling that I knew the subject matter enough to have written the paper, she told me that I was in the clear and would receive a B- for the class. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

So many people were concerned about me and checked up on me throughout the day, including my therapist/counselor who asked if she could call me after the meeting to see how I was, which was really really really nice of her. I called my mom who was happy for me, and my bost frond who was happy for me too, and so were my sister and my cousin and my therapist. I came back to the cool and empty apartment, hungry and happy and sleepy for the first time in days, and I ate a marathon of food while reading a good book. I felt safe and loved in the family of things.* I still do. It is a good feeling.

Urgh I wish I could delete my extra Skype names. I hate having extraneous accounts.

For what it's worth, I am really happy at the moment, but it feels a little shaky and delirious, like in just a couple of paces I'll be sad again. 

MY FAVORITE GAME TO PLAY is WHAT WOULD I MOST LIKE TO EAT RIGHT NOW?!?!? It is inherently depressing but good for organizing the soul. I would most like to eat tri-tip with warm soft French bread, potato salad, chicken salad with walnuts, apples, and bleu cheese dressing, and fruit punch. God that sounds good. I WANT TO HAS EATS NOW.

Inception has suuuch good fic, om nom nom. Still haven't seen it yet! And it makes me anxious to see everyone falling in love with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I don't know why this unsettles me! Maybe it feels like I should be falling in love with him too. But I don't want to be all capsy and stuff, I just want to appreciate his fine acting (FOR REAL) and what an ultimate fantasy boyfrond he is. He'd be such a cool person to know. I like his dimples. Fine, maybe I'm already a little in love. Tra la la~

It was really hot today and it will only get hotter. Monday's high will be 99. WHAT THE FUCK.

*NOW THAT I AM TERRIFIED OF  NOT CITING THINGS: this is from Wild Geese by Mary Oliver, on which I imprinted something fierce when I was sixteen.

Normally I wouldn't capitalize all the words because you aren't supposed to do that in Fronch but the band is not really French, so ~I just capitalize the way I feel~

I've been sick for a couple of days now even though I was asleep more than I was awake for the same couple of days. The cumulative effect is that I feel like I've been asleep longer than I've been alive. I'm just so tired. I haven't eaten anything all day and yesterday I basically had a waffle and a few strawberries, ende.

I think my flash drive is broken. I am so dead inside right now. I had ALL my pictures on there. ALL OF THEM. You guys don't understand, I save EVERYTHING. There was a fucking CATACOMB of folders in that drive. I'M SO DEAD INSIDE. I have most everything backed up from April 2009, but that's almost a year ago. I KNEW I SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE PARANOID

MELANCHOLY

I'm lonely from all the things I don't understand, experience, appreciate, etc. From the time I was in the throes of pre-adolescent fuckery, I wanted to be a thousand different things at once so I ended up being nothing. Depression = paralyzed with hope (tm Maria Bamford).

Plus, I'm super crazy. I've been going to my mom's office to "help" with work (actually I'm useless) and my mom told me the other day that her boss said I was pretty (not in a creepy way). I was flattered for a second before I thought MAYBE SHE MADE THAT UP TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT BEING UGLY. These days I even know I'm not ugly most of the time, so where did that thought come from? Unending paranoia I suppose.

om nom nom new fandom om nom nom Sherlock Holmes om nom nom Jude Law

Half the time he looks like a fucking serial killer and the other half he just looks like an asshole. Nevertheless he is honestly very good at being very beautiful. *____*

Let's get this out of the way: this fucker is AMAZING in the face. 

( DAMN STRAIGHT IT'S A PICSPAM )

In closing,GODDAMN