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axels

For reference: had my final on Wednesday, took the bus & train back home, came back yesterday in this freezing 7.5 hr trip (the bus was SO FUCKING COLD ughh) and immediately had to go to my lecture. sigh my last quarter here. I'm going crazy. whatever. I JUST HAVE TO PASS. I JUST HAVE TO PASS.

- I had a lot of moments this weekend where I was like wow self you're just not very good-looking. Also I bought this really frilly party dress a few weeks ago for my aunt's birthday party on Saturday but it made me all depressed because it's too pretty for me. I tried to foist it onto my sister but surprisingly it fit her oddly. Now I don't know what to do with it! I guess I'll try to return it. It's a shame. It's soo pretty and frilly; I just can't have it around when I feel so gross in it. ~wailt~

- Trying to inventory my ~strengths. My dad said once that I'm unique in that I'm both intuitive/instinctive about my reactions to things but I'm also organized so I can analyze them. lol that goes with my INFJ Myers-Briggs personality type. I guess that makes sense because I do put a lot of stock in my feeeeelings about things and obsess about them a lot. But it's more like what Louis C.K. said, "I really am stupid, and it bothers me. Like, I wish I was more stupid, because then it wouldn't, I wouldn't, all my thoughts would just be mlllrrrgh hurr hurr. But instead here's how my brain works: it's stupidity, followed by self-hatred, and then further analysis. It's not a very efficient system of thought. I have these dumb thoughts, duhhh, and then I go WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, and then I figure it out. But the impulse is always really stupid." (Louis C.K. is really smart though!)

- I like personality tests because it's like reading meta about myself lol and I'm self-obsessed. tee hee!!!

fandom

- Key is so much more interesting than some of his stans make him sound.

- The video of Romantic at SHINee's Taiwan concert really made (makes ;~;) me worried. Jonghyun fucking skips an entire line to catch his breath and then doesn't sing the rest of the bridge with Key and Onew. Taemin and Key look over at him in surprise at the first mistake. I've talked myself down from the worst of my crazy worries but it's still pretty shocking and painful to see. I've never seen him do that before, ever. (According to this review they were all really visibly exhausted except during the Bodyguard stage crycat.) And apparently he was sick again last week? Fucking take care of yourself ;~~~;

- wrt Beatles: John/Paul is SO fucking sad. It's a legit tragedy. I'm glad they reconciled before John's death but they never fully got to reconnect after years of miscommunication and spiteful ego trips and honest hurt, and jesus they loved each other so much, not even in a shippy way. goddamn.

- relatedly, the johnheartpaul discussions pre-2008 are still my MOST favorite instances of sensibly crazy over-invested over-analysis. they go on forever and they talk about EVERYTHING, ugh it's so fucking gooood. they make a damn good case that something fucking happened in India.

- Taemin's fans got him a huge mess of CDs for his birthday and one of them is Belle & Sebastian's Fold Your Hands Child!! LMAO IRL omg if Taemin is a B&S fan... I'm scared to even think about what would become of me. I'd almost HAVE to love him for at least forever. Belle & Sebastian is one of those things I CANNOT have any objectivity about because they were so formative to me and my tastes/thoughts about music. When I listened to them I started to really identify things I loved about ~art/cultural products in general (a sense of humor, self-awareness, sincerity, odd narratives/character pieces, unconventional voices, etc). sigh. I want to rediscover them somehow, like listen to them anew again and get that "whoa I REALLY fucking like this" feeling.

- I have a very enthusiastic curiosity about Jonghyun's body and I am fucking obsessed with this video.

youtube comment I agree very much with: /stares at left leg for the entire video. those are some very cruel... pant-like things. jfc that first ring ding dong move, just jfcccc. it's not even just the flash of thigh, it's how his shirt lifts up too. Lucifer performance right after (lol at how the camera zooms in at the end. lol and gahhhh ;-;). & his Lucifer outfits are why I think that the stylists give him and Taemin the most sexualized/questionable outfits.

- More body fascination: LOOK AT HIS FUCKING WAIST fucking crying

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lol aw poor dress it thought it was gonna shine and then you rejected it. :(

ok i hadn't seen that taiwan concert clip and now i'm kind of sad for him. they should all just take a break tbh.

it'll shine better on someone else lol ;;

ik it's sad :( I worry so much about these kids. they've been looking rough and tired lately and I don't even know what they're doing. they've got concerts and juliette promos coming up?

I love taking personality tests too! It's kind of reassuring to know that according to science, I make sense, hahaha.

Jonghyun got better throughout the concert, I think; he was still struggling during the second song (it honestly gutted me when Key looked at him to ask if he was alright and he shook his head no) but it was mostly just the first/Romantic that it was really obvious and painful to watch. ;w; Their schedule is so ridiculous right now, it's like constant ping pong between Korea and Japan and I just want them to be able to rest. They all sounded fairly energetic on the radio today, though, which is good! ;w;

yes, it's nice to be, like, validated? I like it when things organize myself for me lol

ugh I know and when he looks over at Onew when he can't sing the rest of the bridge ;~; his solo didn't seem ~effortless either but maybe that was his earpiece trouble. & I remember a fanacct of their second concert in Seoul at the beginning of the year saying that jjong started out shaky and improved throughout; I guess it's not a huge cause for concern but ;~;!! ia, I hate the constant ping pong idols have to do when they go to Japan, it seems to take such a visible toll on them. like SHINee seem lively at events (their reception fancams are so qt!!) but they look worn out to me in a lot of these photos. sigh!

I can't stop watching it, I feel like a masochist ; ____ ; I know the fancam of him falling is sort of funny but I'm honestly concerned by how unsteady he was :( In his solo, he had problems with both his earpiece and his microphone (although I think it was just the volume on the latter – it's kind of cute how frantic his gestures are); but yeah, he looked pretty tired and he was straining, especially at the end :( I'm glad he mustered up some energy towards the end, he was adorable as always in Ready or Not and I love how much he bullied everyone at the end while getting off scotch-free :')

I haven't seen too many photos besides the airport ones, and they always look tired in those, tbh :( Thankfully, there's some time between their event in Korea and the Sapporo event, but they're covering a lot of ground in Japan (plus there are probably rehearsals?) so they're probably constantly on the move :(

I know, it's so sad and I'm like ;~~; jonghyun please be okay!! re: unsteadiness, I hope he's not putting any undue stress on his ankle. I fractured mine a couple of years ago and I've kinda strained it again a few times since then bc I was just too harsh on it. dnw that to happen to him ;~; and he keeps getting sick!!

JONGHYUN DURING ALL PERFORMANCES OF READY OR NOT IS ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE THINGS IN THE UNIVERSE NO EXAGGERATION

lol he gets away with a lot!!

oh yeah they definitely look kinda haggard in the airport ones, and I think they look like zombies in most of these random backstage-ish pictures, like the one I linked. (ugh his waiiiist though *__*)

Ugh, yeah, I'm really glad they've been keeping to the injury-version (haha) of the choreography. Ankle injuries are so fickle and I doubt he's kept up with any sort of physical therapy :( I honestly think he didn't have enough time to recover from the stomach flu and with all the stress, his immune system's bound to be in bad shape :( I want to put him to bed :(

haha omg his JAMP! JAMP JAMP! is so cute yet embarrassing and ide he looked like a little baby bird trying to fly

oh, I've kind of (hopefully) been putting it down to bad lighting and bad quality photography but omg right his waist is UNBELIEVABLY SMALL, it was the first thing I noticed, hahaha.

That's so true, they haven't had a break and he's not recovered. He was sick ever since Paris I think. :((

How can he not know how stupid he looks sometimes!! I really love him. All his girrrrr pointing! lol aww baby bird! Exactly! With his weird double-jointed/inverted elbows omg lol

ah yeah, all the media from Japan has been a big step down from the insane HHHHQ from kshawols & co. so maybe it is just the CONSTANT bad lighting/quality. I just really hope they're taking care of themselves. ;; (His body is so delightful and confusing to me. I will need to get a proper unangled look at it. FOR SCIENCE)

Oh, you're right :( ugh, it takes so long to recover when you're stressed (thank you uni for the first-hand lesson), and they're already preparing for the new single next month :( I think SM really wants to take advantage of their burst of popularity, but they're kind of ill-prepared :(

Right! The choreography is so stupid and totally him, and lmao his inverted elbows, they make me smile :')

haha ikr, I always say being in SHINee fandom has spoiled me. I really need to find some Japanese fansites :( Off the top of my head, though, he's looked really good in the recent pictures from Blingest.

(I'm a bratty fan but I don't want them in Japan anymore lol bring them back home ;~;)

jfans don't seem to share a lot! thank god we have tonghyun and blingest. he also looked good in the reception fancams! lol idk I just worry a lot for no reason. btw have you seen this?? http://i56.tinypic.com/etyu09.jpg CRYING I love himmmm ;~; ideal boy FOR REAL

I'm kind of hoping it just means they're not stalking them, although there haven't been that many photos/fancams/&c. coming out of the receptions, either :( and I know, I've been clinging to tonghyun's twitter like a wallaby ;w; and yesss, I did, I was like, WHY IS HE THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS INTO THESE BONDAGE THINGS but ♥ did you see this, they look so gorgeous ;w;

also randomly, I feel like the veins on his hands are really prominent these days and I don't know why. hahaha

yess and there's a bigger version too (http://i54.tinypic.com/jtvtjl.jpg) they look beautiful lol ;;

I'm so torn on how they style jjong in Japan, sometimes I hate it and sometimes he looks so soft and adorable ;~; again I think the stylists do the weirdest things with him and Taemin lol

lol I haven't noticed (besides one pic from I think Dream Concert?) but I'm going to be on the look-out for that. his veins are prominent in general though lol

oh my god could he look any more beautiful. Key looks really good too. What am I saying, they all look amazing ;w;

Me too! Can they please stop giving Taemin pants that have more tears than actual fabric :( And I will never get over the fact that Jonghyun's Replay outfit was like, made of carpet.

haha, like, it makes sense for them to be prominent in his arms, because he works out, but lately it seems less obvious in his arms and just really prominent in his hands?

You can and will pass! IT WILL BE DONE *\o/*

Holy shit. Jonghyun ran out of breath? What the actual hell :( That onjongkey part is my favorite part of that song too :((((((

lol it occurred to me in HS, when I was obsessed with the Beatles, that there'd be Beatles fic! But I never got around to looking for any. Have any recs, if there are any that you know of?

I really wouldn't put Taemin being a B&S fan out of the realm of possibility. I reaaaaaaally like them too! I still regret not going to see their concert, though I'd've been alone :(

lmao. Most of the time, the way shinee are sexualized is in a subtle manner, but this is so blatant, almost as blatant as that photo of Key aiming the squirt gun into his mouth (oh god that photo). I mean, I kind of like it? But kind of don't? It makes me uncomfortable in the same way that women posing scantily clothed makes me uncomfortable. Anyway. I wonder if he's got any beauty marks on his inner thighs. Heh.

LOL OMG that cheerleading emoticon is the cutest thing ever!!

I KNOW I was so :O!!! when I saw that!! That part's my favorite too, and it's what impressed me a lot about jjong when I first started with SHINee since he barely has time to breathe for nearly a full minute and he's always pulled it off flawlessly in all other performances. ;~;

ommmmg lololol o__o yes I have recs!! brb gathering data

I know, for some reason I think it'd fit in alright with the rest of his weird moody taste in music. I LOVE B&S SO MUCH OMG they were my first concert and it was super nice :3

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY DID YOU SAY THAT LAST THING MY BRAINNNNN I WASN'T EVEN THINKING ABOUT THAT AND NOW THAT'S ALL I'M THINKING OF o__o *__* ;__;

I kind of know what you mean, I saw a pic/gif of this perf on tumblr with the caption IT'S LIKE LOOKING UP THE SKIRT OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN which ummm yeah. the tease of it is really kind of crazily obvious and it is feminizing? is that a word? I mean that it makes him eye candy in a passive way since he can't help what his clothes do. I'm selfish though so I push past my bothersome reservations!! it helps that he doesn't seem too uncomfortable with it? though I def don't think he likes it, to me he has he same kind of >:/ vibe as he did with the low-cut Dream Concert ~blouse~ and he's said that he didn't appreciate that top at all.

You haven't seen it before? *\o/*!!

YAY RECS hehehehe

Taemin has really good taste in music, as far as i know? By which, I don't really know much, and it's just my general impression about him. He's kinda developed it surprisingly well and sensitively. I really wonder what's going on in his head sometimes.

LOL lakdsjf sorry, there's this! Which you've probably already seen, lol.

I dunno if equating flashing skin with feminizing is correct? Um, idk. But the general teasing, I guess, is okay if I know that's what the person wants, whole heartedly. I dunno if there's any exploitation going on, and it's impossible to tell from just photographs. It happens to both men and women, but esp women and young women/men. (The "Romeo" shoot for shinee still disturbs me as much as I like it. It gives me an exploitation vibe, tho that might say more about me (paranoid) than the shoot itself.) I didn't know he didn't like that!! :( I think it's really flattering for him. He's worn really deep v-neck tops too; so I guess he feels the same about that?

no I haven't!! god that's cute

idk I haven't looked into it much, for some reason I think that he'd like a couple of Evanescence songs or smth lol idk why.

his body is sooooo shapely and curvy lol omg I'll say anything about him. but seriously. inner thighs why ;~;

oh yeah that wasn't a good choice of words. I guess I was responding to the "upskirt"ness of it, like the fact that it's a part of the male body (thigh/inner thigh) that isn't usually objectified. At least not in a teasing/purely aesthetic way? like I think men's legs/bodies in general are usually sexualized by showing how powerful or muscley they are, and this was just decoration. but not male =/= female, bad choice of words.

omg half the Romeo photoshoot is named I'LL SAVE YOU FROM EXPLOITATION JJONG for real. it looks very Terry Richardson/American Apparel-ish, even aside from the color scheme. they were SO weirdly fetishized during Juliette, what with Flower Boys Generation (THAT FUCKING SHOW I SWEAR) and everything.

idk about him, he complains about weird things and contradicts himself blatantly all over the place! like his own rehearsal clothes are all loose necked, wtf. (& he's pretty much what v-necks are MADE for sooo.) but here are da receipts, maybe he only disliked it so much bc it slipped off in that glorious way:
2010.05.23 22:18
Fan: [Jonghyun] ke…ke…what does oppa think about revealing your shoulders? keke
[Jonghyun] Dislike it a bit

2010.05.23 22:25
Fan: [Jonghyun] Dislike the clothes you wore yesterday? TT_TT
[Jonghyun] Mm (yes)

Fan: [Jonghyun] but i liked it......
[Jonghyun] it was very rough/boorish

LOL IRL yeaaaaah Taemin would appreciate Evanescence, wouldn't he?

keke I am a pervert :3

Ohhh, okay! Gotcha. It's more about how not westernly masculine the outfit is than anything else.

lmao oh god young shinee dancing around a pole, just, WHY

LOL KIM JONGHYUN MAKE UP YOUR MIND. I can see him both liking it and disliking it equally, which is fine and fair lol. But I want him to like it T_T so he will wear that stuff more... haha

lol irl watching Amy Lee on youtube

Ahhh yeah that's a much better way to phrase it. lol the imagery of kpop/Asian masculinity is so consistently different from Western masculinity. the Lucifer outfits were kinda interesting (when they didn't look cheap as fuck). they did a lot of cool cut-out things with jjong's clothes in particular. actually jjong got a lot of eye-catching outfits during RDD as well. just talking aloud, this isn't going anywhere lol

AND MAKING JJONG SIT ON DONGHAE'S LAP AND SERENADE HIM LOL WHY

I think sometimes he just says whatever the fuck he feels like saying regardless of... anything lol. WHATEVER WEAR MORE V-NECKS

um I'm just throwing all my links at you right now lol so disorganized! most of these are John/Paul, I can add quick summaries if need be lol idk

fitz_carraldo's No More Situations (http://fitz-carraldo.livejournal.com/8874.html) (I LOVE this one omg); Broken Glass (http://beatlesslash.livejournal.com/857003.html)

bossymarmalade &

glockgal's run for yer life (http://glockgal.livejournal.com/447525.html) (kind of genius)

bossymarmalade's four sides of the eternal triangle (http://archiveofourown.org/works/34276)

candle_beck's How We Were Diverted (http://candle-beck.livejournal.com/144222.html) (everything they've written is so good it's painful tbh fucking overwhelming); The First Year (http://candle-beck.livejournal.com/146680.html) (esp this one omg); Miles Away (http://candle-beck.livejournal.com/154069.html)

abromeds's Widow (http://widow-story.livejournal.com/) (AU where Paul died instead of John, really well-thought out, brainful & delicious)

hb_princess's Admit It (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/164595.html) (I rly like all their fics, esp the humor & the way she makes character insight look easy, they're rly fun); It's Only Me (http://hbprincessfic.livejournal.com/1614.html); Trussed (http://hb-princess.livejournal.com/6941.html); Shakespeare & Roses (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/286148.html)

all of

librae's ficlets (interesting, wonderful, exquisite) esp As Kings (http://librae.livejournal.com/24539.html); October Revolution (http://librae.livejournal.com/5622.html); Rain in Spain (http://librae.livejournal.com/7941.html)

all of

she_had_to_go's ficlets esp John/George series (http://she-had-to-go.livejournal.com/3679.html); To Fight Gravity (http://she-had-to-go.livejournal.com/13443.html); Sleeping Sand, Silent Cloud (http://she-had-to-go.livejournal.com/12118.html); If I Fell (http://she-had-to-go.livejournal.com/16909.html) ; and Little Child (http://she-had-to-go.livejournal.com/11951.html) (cutest and feel-goodiest time possible)

mod_alcyone's What's the use between death and glory? (http://beatlesslash.livejournal.com/447103.html) ; Staying Silent (http://beatlesslash.livejournal.com/464133.html)

Jintian/

hesychasm's Other Half (http://hesychasm.dreamwidth.org/8768.html) (I love this, I'm pretty sure that this is exactly how it happened)

windowscreen's The French Inhale (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/748456.html) (stream-of-consciousness is usually used w/ John but they use it with Paul and I loove it); And Then the Next Morning (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/1036550.html); Hotel Hallway (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/986898.html)

lux__aeterna's Boys (http://beatlesslash.livejournal.com/222513.html); Revolver (http://beatlesslash.livejournal.com/290882.html); The White Album (http://beatlesslash.livejournal.com/291314.html)

gingers4's Moon Through the Green Curtains (fucking LOVE this) (http://beatlesslash.livejournal.com/562263.html)

poorfrances's These Walls (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/415305.html)

thinkpink20's Lifting Latches (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/1339362.html); The Photograph (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/1370349.html); Life in Wartime (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/1336954.html) (Ringo!!); Champagne Bubbles (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/1330687.html); Lights on Dark Roads (http://johnheartpaul.livejournal.com/1333421.html)

omg I can't get my bkmarks in order! & I haven't caught up on the fic for like over a year now, I'm prolly missing the more recent ones. also the jhp community discussion threads are just as good as fic, for real, the batshit thoroughness of the meta is UNPARALLELED :Q____

HI YOU ARE AMAZING. Seriously. I am going to eat these all up omg, omg BEATLES FIC my life is complete sobbing!!!!

♥♥♥♥

lol i forgot to say THANK YOU SO MUCH!! and you don't need to give me summaries, its ok!!

yw!! ♥ lol okay cool! :3 sry to dump them all in a blob, they're all good though! well ~to me~ at least

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axels

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lol omg i have no restraint

Re: lol omg i have no restraint

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Re: lol omg i have no restraint