cat in satin pajamas
Jul. 20th, 2009 06:03 pmI'm so out of the loop with the rest of humanity. I didn't know about the solar eclipse until today. Well, better than finding out the day after. The article I read interviewed a guy who booked his trip to China nine months ago. It'll be the fourth eclipse he'll see. There should be some sort of story about eclipse pilgrimages. Like that weather channel show about ~storm chasers~ except a lot slower. Or maybe it could be a romance, where a couple keeps meeting during eclipses! And they never get together until the end when they're both old and creaky and stuff. Or maybe they don't get together! Maybe it's an ideal Platonic love! With eclipses! I don't know. I can't think up plots.
Okay. Yesterday whilst rolling about my room like a restless, bored marble, I thought that maybe part of my LIFE ANGST is that I'm "inhaling too deeply," as in, I'm expecting too much out of LIFE and I'm letting everything affect me too much. Like, the harder you hold onto things, the faster you'll lose them. Instead of feeling mopey that I don't have people there for me when I think I need them, maybe I need to... just not think about it at all. Take that out of consideration altogether. Um it's probably not very healthy but it's a self-protective measure and I need it right now. "I don't need someone to talk to because I don't need to talk" hurts a lot less than "I need someone to talk to but I don't have anyone." I am FORCING the switch from "alone" to "on my own." I am going to hang about town on my own and if people breeze in or out, that is cool, but if they don't, I am not going to get hung up over it. I'm going to try not to infer anything out of anything, no more "But I thought..."s. I am not going to inhale too deeply! And I'm not going to wait around for it to nebulously ~get better. I have LIFE EXPERIENCE okay! (Yeah, it's not the best plan, but I have to survive this shit. ~I have to make life worth living.~)
Okay. Yesterday whilst rolling about my room like a restless, bored marble, I thought that maybe part of my LIFE ANGST is that I'm "inhaling too deeply," as in, I'm expecting too much out of LIFE and I'm letting everything affect me too much. Like, the harder you hold onto things, the faster you'll lose them. Instead of feeling mopey that I don't have people there for me when I think I need them, maybe I need to... just not think about it at all. Take that out of consideration altogether. Um it's probably not very healthy but it's a self-protective measure and I need it right now. "I don't need someone to talk to because I don't need to talk" hurts a lot less than "I need someone to talk to but I don't have anyone." I am FORCING the switch from "alone" to "on my own." I am going to hang about town on my own and if people breeze in or out, that is cool, but if they don't, I am not going to get hung up over it. I'm going to try not to infer anything out of anything, no more "But I thought..."s. I am not going to inhale too deeply! And I'm not going to wait around for it to nebulously ~get better. I have LIFE EXPERIENCE okay! (Yeah, it's not the best plan, but I have to survive this shit. ~I have to make life worth living.~)
