feel celestial
Feb. 16th, 2011 07:29 pmI HATE PEOPLE WHO TALK IN COMPUTER LABS. I know it's not a library and there's no real reason for them not to but FUCKING PLEASE, STFU.
I seriously need to get over my fear of people, not in the least because it's cost me money over food in the past few days. I bought an energy bar thinking it only cost 69 cents but it cost $1.69 and I was too nervous at the cash register to be all LOL NEVER MIND and I paid the $1.69 for the shitty energy bar. arg if I was going to use $2 on food anyway I would've bought something delicious not a fucking brick of food-stuff. And then later at work someone asked if I wanted a slice of pizza BUT I WASN'T READY FOR THE QUESTION!!!!!! And I said no thank you out of the reflex to minimize all social interaction and then I had to hear him give away the pizza to someone else. And smell it too. omg I wasn't ready ;____________;
Now to-day I skipped my lecture because I was 45 minutes late. It was raining and I take the bus and it's a two hour class so it's not that ridiculously late, and I really should've gone, but when I got to the door it was just a no. Ugh having to find a seat. UGH. I could have known that would happen and just spent an extra hour lounging about at the apartment. There's no point in having choices and agency over your life if you're also paralyzed by fear.
There's this free art event thing tonight for students and it sounds like it might have free food. But I look like a dumpy child right now and what if there's a lot of people there? Or WORSE, only a few people? BUT I LOVE FREE FOOD. And I'm really hungry. Will this be enough to make me go? idk why I always talk about what I should do like it's happening to another person. Gotta be less passive.
I seriously need to get over my fear of people, not in the least because it's cost me money over food in the past few days. I bought an energy bar thinking it only cost 69 cents but it cost $1.69 and I was too nervous at the cash register to be all LOL NEVER MIND and I paid the $1.69 for the shitty energy bar. arg if I was going to use $2 on food anyway I would've bought something delicious not a fucking brick of food-stuff. And then later at work someone asked if I wanted a slice of pizza BUT I WASN'T READY FOR THE QUESTION!!!!!! And I said no thank you out of the reflex to minimize all social interaction and then I had to hear him give away the pizza to someone else. And smell it too. omg I wasn't ready ;____________;
Now to-day I skipped my lecture because I was 45 minutes late. It was raining and I take the bus and it's a two hour class so it's not that ridiculously late, and I really should've gone, but when I got to the door it was just a no. Ugh having to find a seat. UGH. I could have known that would happen and just spent an extra hour lounging about at the apartment. There's no point in having choices and agency over your life if you're also paralyzed by fear.
There's this free art event thing tonight for students and it sounds like it might have free food. But I look like a dumpy child right now and what if there's a lot of people there? Or WORSE, only a few people? BUT I LOVE FREE FOOD. And I'm really hungry. Will this be enough to make me go? idk why I always talk about what I should do like it's happening to another person. Gotta be less passive.
