love the summer sun
May. 24th, 2013 10:00 amOh, how the bloggeurs have fallen!
- I woke up feeling cold and with a pain in my hip. What an old lady I am.
- The other day I saw six red cars in a row and it was quite a sight! I felt like I had found something in a life-wide scavenger hunt.
- My anger, my addictive/obsessive personality, and my capacity for emotional abuse are scary. I blame my dad for all three haha. Is it misguided hubris to think that I can try to contain this on my own, without therapy or other kinds of outside, concentrated help? Why do I ask when I know the answer... T__T I just suck. Ugh.
- I really love the idea of someone's kindness being the thing that hurts them the most. Kindness as a fatal flaw? (In a literal, colloquial understanding of the phrase, not the Aristotlian/classical literature sense.) "Love" in this case includes the sentiment of "find unbearably sad and tragic as hell."
- Why do I like being sad so much? I guess it just feels very honest to me. And complete. It's a strong emotion for me, and it's not ambiguous. I just like being able to feel it, maybe. Romanticizing, etc.
- I LOVE Elementary. SO MUCH. I don't want to ~expound on it, because I've been hurt by tv shows in days past and it's scared me off of investing too much ~emotional energy in shows, but omg. I was a little afraid that my love for it would be kinda dry, academic - like "I know I should like this because it's quality and there's nothing wrong with it" (appreciation without feeling - ex: what I feel about Adventure Time. I just feel no connection with or special fondness for that show). But I love it tons, I love this Sherlock, I love love LOVE Watson, I like the supporting cast and I like the sense of respect and history to the characters. The crimes of the day can be boring and whatever, but they aren't the point of the show, and that's why I like it. The characterization is so so strong. Just many acres and storms and pounds and whatever else of love <3__<3
- Small points of pride: I am good at ripping paper without scissors in straight lines, and I tie neat bows.
- Nothing makes one feel like the picture of strength and vitality than having to take off one's thin dangly butterfly earrings because they're too heavy.
- Line of thought I'm too muddled to hash out: I'm too self-aware, and sometimes I pathologize physical things in my body. I should just stop noticing things. Even when I don't attach particular meanings to dumb shit, I still think about it more than is warranted (which is usually nothing). Like my bra is killing me right now, so I'm thinking about how I can't find the bra I usually wear, it went missing last week when all the people were at the house - oh god anxiety from remembering that, I'm wearing the wrong bra size, anxiety about that because of the thought of bra fittings, I don't know where the tape measure is, I lost too much weight and bras don't fit... I don't have money... why does this feel so uncomfortable anyway? Am I gaining weight? Am I just cranky? etc... Similar things for my shoes, and hunger, and cuts on my legs, and my skin. I feel distant from my body, so I think about it a lot, trying to bridge the gaps, trying to bring my internal life closer to what houses it in the real world. It doesn't take, though.
- Anyway my default course of action is to drink water. Or to think about drinking water, since I am often too lazy to do that.
As you all know, Jonghyun is beautiful and a glorious angel of the lord and I love him and he makes the world better for every moment he is alive and all facts are true and also, also, also --!!!! I'm so so so glad he's back. ; ~~~ ;
- I woke up feeling cold and with a pain in my hip. What an old lady I am.
- The other day I saw six red cars in a row and it was quite a sight! I felt like I had found something in a life-wide scavenger hunt.
- My anger, my addictive/obsessive personality, and my capacity for emotional abuse are scary. I blame my dad for all three haha. Is it misguided hubris to think that I can try to contain this on my own, without therapy or other kinds of outside, concentrated help? Why do I ask when I know the answer... T__T I just suck. Ugh.
- I really love the idea of someone's kindness being the thing that hurts them the most. Kindness as a fatal flaw? (In a literal, colloquial understanding of the phrase, not the Aristotlian/classical literature sense.) "Love" in this case includes the sentiment of "find unbearably sad and tragic as hell."
- Why do I like being sad so much? I guess it just feels very honest to me. And complete. It's a strong emotion for me, and it's not ambiguous. I just like being able to feel it, maybe. Romanticizing, etc.
- I LOVE Elementary. SO MUCH. I don't want to ~expound on it, because I've been hurt by tv shows in days past and it's scared me off of investing too much ~emotional energy in shows, but omg. I was a little afraid that my love for it would be kinda dry, academic - like "I know I should like this because it's quality and there's nothing wrong with it" (appreciation without feeling - ex: what I feel about Adventure Time. I just feel no connection with or special fondness for that show). But I love it tons, I love this Sherlock, I love love LOVE Watson, I like the supporting cast and I like the sense of respect and history to the characters. The crimes of the day can be boring and whatever, but they aren't the point of the show, and that's why I like it. The characterization is so so strong. Just many acres and storms and pounds and whatever else of love <3__<3
- Small points of pride: I am good at ripping paper without scissors in straight lines, and I tie neat bows.
- Nothing makes one feel like the picture of strength and vitality than having to take off one's thin dangly butterfly earrings because they're too heavy.
- Line of thought I'm too muddled to hash out: I'm too self-aware, and sometimes I pathologize physical things in my body. I should just stop noticing things. Even when I don't attach particular meanings to dumb shit, I still think about it more than is warranted (which is usually nothing). Like my bra is killing me right now, so I'm thinking about how I can't find the bra I usually wear, it went missing last week when all the people were at the house - oh god anxiety from remembering that, I'm wearing the wrong bra size, anxiety about that because of the thought of bra fittings, I don't know where the tape measure is, I lost too much weight and bras don't fit... I don't have money... why does this feel so uncomfortable anyway? Am I gaining weight? Am I just cranky? etc... Similar things for my shoes, and hunger, and cuts on my legs, and my skin. I feel distant from my body, so I think about it a lot, trying to bridge the gaps, trying to bring my internal life closer to what houses it in the real world. It doesn't take, though.
- Anyway my default course of action is to drink water. Or to think about drinking water, since I am often too lazy to do that.
As you all know, Jonghyun is beautiful and a glorious angel of the lord and I love him and he makes the world better for every moment he is alive and all facts are true and also, also, also --!!!! I'm so so so glad he's back. ; ~~~ ;
