sunshine, sometime
Oct. 22nd, 2013 07:52 pmI haven't even logged into dw/lj in a full two months, which is a record!
These thoughts are not deep but they "feel" like they belong here, not tweets. Though I have already started to forget what I wanted to talk about.
We got a new cat on September 1, kind of by accident. A family at church just got two kittens but they couldn't take care of both and they wanted to know if we wanted one. Once Julian got wind of this information, he was relentless and right after church, we went to their house and picked one of them up, and that was that!
She had a lot of different names attached to her, but over time nature took its course and the names that stuck were Melon and 꼭지 (Kkokji, which means like, little cap/lid).
I didn't want to get attached, and I went way out of my way to make sure nothing that was "Chorong's" applied to Melon (different brands of food, different litter box, different toys, etc) and I don't tweet or share pictures of her much, but it was all in vain. I guess ~not being ridiculously attached~ is impossible for me, because I am definitely very bonded at this point hahaha. I feel stupid but I'm trying not to feel guilty (guilty for not trying to look for Chorong anymore). On paper it doesn't sound like a bad weak thing to be attached and feel love, but in real life it feels embarrassing and awkward and hard to express. I mean, I enjoy it on my own, but I can't think of how to talk about it without inviting some degree of ridicule or concern.
On Saturday I went on a long crying jag. Just noting it.
My own complacency and fear annoy me so much at time I feel like I'm suffocating but then I reason it away. It's like a lump in my throat; how do you climb over a wall that's inside yourself? Like what are your footholds, or what do you need to erode or dig away? Bleughhoohaaa.
My ability to have talking with thoughts has really super corroded. How do I do this?? Am I meant to be on twitter forever now, as I cannot sustain anything past little tag-length phrases? Oh dearie me.
I can't remember what else I wanted to say!! How typical.
To round out this standard entry: I wish death upon all my natural enemies, aka anyone who talks shit about Jonghyun. There was a VERY STRANGE entry on omona where none of the comments were negative and hateful at all (I'm guessing the usual cabal of Benedict Cumberbatch-style Onew stans were all out of commission at the same time or something?), but then like three days later I found the most infuriating piece of shit posts on tumblr, so in my head things are back to normal. Every sentence written by ifans are like the comments on news articles on places like Yahoo.
These thoughts are not deep but they "feel" like they belong here, not tweets. Though I have already started to forget what I wanted to talk about.
We got a new cat on September 1, kind of by accident. A family at church just got two kittens but they couldn't take care of both and they wanted to know if we wanted one. Once Julian got wind of this information, he was relentless and right after church, we went to their house and picked one of them up, and that was that!
She had a lot of different names attached to her, but over time nature took its course and the names that stuck were Melon and 꼭지 (Kkokji, which means like, little cap/lid).
I didn't want to get attached, and I went way out of my way to make sure nothing that was "Chorong's" applied to Melon (different brands of food, different litter box, different toys, etc) and I don't tweet or share pictures of her much, but it was all in vain. I guess ~not being ridiculously attached~ is impossible for me, because I am definitely very bonded at this point hahaha. I feel stupid but I'm trying not to feel guilty (guilty for not trying to look for Chorong anymore). On paper it doesn't sound like a bad weak thing to be attached and feel love, but in real life it feels embarrassing and awkward and hard to express. I mean, I enjoy it on my own, but I can't think of how to talk about it without inviting some degree of ridicule or concern.
On Saturday I went on a long crying jag. Just noting it.
My own complacency and fear annoy me so much at time I feel like I'm suffocating but then I reason it away. It's like a lump in my throat; how do you climb over a wall that's inside yourself? Like what are your footholds, or what do you need to erode or dig away? Bleughhoohaaa.
My ability to have talking with thoughts has really super corroded. How do I do this?? Am I meant to be on twitter forever now, as I cannot sustain anything past little tag-length phrases? Oh dearie me.
I can't remember what else I wanted to say!! How typical.
To round out this standard entry: I wish death upon all my natural enemies, aka anyone who talks shit about Jonghyun. There was a VERY STRANGE entry on omona where none of the comments were negative and hateful at all (I'm guessing the usual cabal of Benedict Cumberbatch-style Onew stans were all out of commission at the same time or something?), but then like three days later I found the most infuriating piece of shit posts on tumblr, so in my head things are back to normal. Every sentence written by ifans are like the comments on news articles on places like Yahoo.
