kerpingtack: jonghyun juliette rajvithi home for girls in thailand (SHOUJO ANIME)
Pure self-indulgence, nothing of interest to anyone else. Summary: I have terrible taste lol. I like all the stupid straight-up pop songs and I dislike ballads. Also, all I care about is SM. This is a long-accepted truth. 

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER: 

kpop lists )
kerpingtack: yotsuba eating (nyams and noms)
I know this is weird, but I've never felt closer to Jonghyun than seeing his sad, vague tweet about humane vs. destructive tendencies and how he's not sure of the true meaning of humanity*, followed by a spam of cute animal pictures. EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE, AND CUTE ANIMALS ARE OUR ONLY RESPITE ; __ ; Even though that only lasts like five minutes because then you think ALL THESE ANIMALS ARE GOING TO DIE, OR ARE ALREADY DEAD, BECAUSE HUMANITY IS A NIGHTMARE and everything in our world is built on unimaginable suffering. Unimaginable because it's invisible and inaccessible under this veneer of civility!!!!

I'm just going to copy+paste my tweets:

my korean has deteriorated but i think jjong is depressed about humanity and then spammed cute animal pictures both as a way to cheer himself up and to make himself sadder about humanity bc it will inevitably destroy any purity in the world. #PROJECTING

the caption for the last pic, of the otters, was "end of peace." animal spam is the only restful thing in the world ;;;;;;;;;;

but then you go drive around or look online, or eat anything, and there's a dead cat at the side of the road and everything is a product of immense violence and brutality. hahahaahahahahahahahahahaaaa

anyway. jonghyun is my favorite person in the world


*I think this was the gist of it? My Korean is really so bad. WHATEVER. It's my bias and I'll project if I want to. You would project too if it happened to you~!
kerpingtack: jonghyun rdd mubank win: nonstop perfect faces (let's feel it a bit)
Went off like a champagne bottle on twitter, nattering frothily about Jonghyun. WHAT ELSE IS TWITTER FOR?? Anyway I thought I had more to say about it, but I forgot in the time it took to open a new tab and start an entry, soooOOOoooo just going to record these tweets. Mental erosion continues, scientists wonder "who cares?":

SUDDENLY VERY VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT JONGHYUN'S RADIO SHOW

(moreso than usual)

just the idea of trying something new, and being nervous and worried everyday, but it's something that you really want to be good at and that you have ideas for, and that you're genuinely interested in - and you meet people and receive encouragement and love as you're learning. staying up thinking about it, talking late into the night with your family, preparing and psyching yourself up. huhuhuuuuu

i could go on but i will refrain!

no i lied: i mean, i guess i feel similarly about teaching, except i doubt myself second by second instead of being able to accept the situation as it is. jonghyun really is so amazing and admirable to me bc he has worries and stresses, and he's harsh on himself, but i think at the same time he has good priorities and he's able to believe in and listen to himself, and the people around him. he thinks and feels deeply without getting too bogged down - there is an incredible lightness and purity in the strength of his emotion, his empathy.

i say the same things over and over about him lol, but i repeat them bc i mean it anew and with more conviction each time.

anyway i think you can really tell that he believes in his dreams and he believes in hard work and he cares a lot, and i love the radio show

re: teaching. I was notified last week of an opportunity to go to Korea for the spring semester (starting in March - so I would have to arrive in February). They gave me about two hours to decide, and after a ton of stress, I decided not to. I'm happy with my choice but I feel like I have to defend it to people (mostly relatives) because they're like "Are you ever going to leave?" '~~' I mean, I'm still in the applicant pool for the fall semester, so it wasn't a final thing. But I guess it's like how everyone advised me against taking the year off from college, the fear that I'll lose momentum if I keep postponing and I won't be able to actually proceed. And based on what I've been doing for over two full years, it's a very justified fear. 

The decision making process was basically that fear of losing momentum and fear of continued stagnation vs. fear of not being ready for such a big change and collapsing without a support system. I keep thinking that this year needs to be THE year for me. I'm 25 now, and now I notice people who are younger and further along than me more than ever. I feel panicky when I think about for too long (so over three seconds). It's a quarter quell year!! EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT NOW.

Bleh I took a break and now I can't remember what I wanted to say for the rest of this, lol. >___> Something about confidence, and how I falter and just want to give up and sit out and watch how other people do it in a mistaken bid to gain confidence. Confidence by proxy or something, where if I can just know it in my head, step-by-step or in a nebula of exacting detail, then I will have no problems doing it. Whatever "it" is, be it ordering something or teaching or speaking to people for the first time. 
kerpingtack: jiji's family end credits (carry me away light as a feather)
(I had this private locked, I guess I meant to add more to it?? But I don't remember what.)

I drafted an entire post in my head while I was steeping in the bath like tea, but I don't know where this road will take me now! I already dithered about just opening this tab. Oh, who could have known that lj'ing would become so hard for me? I used to be a fucking spambot lol.

LOL I found this as a private, never published post:

endless shuffle meme

1. Jon Brion - Collecting Things (from the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind soundtrack)
2. Sakamoto Chika - Mayonaka Hitori (Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon: Yaten Kou image song)
3. The Beatles - Blackbird
4. Blondie - D-Day
5. Sufjan Stevens - The Great God Bird
6. Joseph Arthur - Black Lexus
7. Charlotte Martin - Up All Night
8. Ben Folds Five - Do It Anyway
9. Robert Pattinson - Never Think
10. Kelly Clarkson - One Minute
11. Singin' in the Rain - Beautiful Girl Montage
12. Kim Jonghyun - 귀로 (Gwiro) (live at 1000 Songs)
13. The Dixie Cups - Chapel of Love

so many white devils

Well, it's true.

I had an interview today and I am studiously trying to avoid thinking about it, which means it pops up again once every hour and I have to stomp the thought down a drain. ;~~; 

Take a good! Swing at me! And everything, is even! I always read Chvrches as its stylized spelling, "CHUVURCHES." 

Repeating myself over and over: I'm always right about Jonghyun, and literally everyone else in ifandom, except for maybe ten people, is objectively, scientifically, and morally wrong. Don't dispute this!!11 Sometimes I am spoiling to fight with people, but other days I just feel beaten into a flat pancake. SHINee ifandom is so joyless and idiotic, and the people I hate the most are the twenty somethings who should REALLY know better, but do not. I bring this up because I've been seeing EVERYONE I hate post re: Jonghyun's recent support of the Are you annyeong? poster protests. It is beyond excruciating.

kerpingtack: jonghyun juliette rajvithi home for girls in thailand (SHOUJO ANIME)
Slept 1.5 hours and now am alive only by the grace of God and coffee. My stomach is protesting all this. I'm sorry, this is just who we are, stomach. On the plus side some of my skirts are feeling a little tight which means I am gaining weight. Right? I don't know if this makes sense. I am insensate.

My important tweets about the Boys Meet U short MV:

how long will jjong wear color contacts... when will my suffering be over

he's so cute though ;a;ldjfalkjf;;;;

oh the bikes were for this mv!

SCREAMS JJONG WITH THE DOG

Boys Meet U. alternate title, SHINee Put Their Hands On Each Other's Shoulders

crying jjong looking her straight in the eye and waving alkjdf

lmfao at the ending lmaoooooo

i hope that one day shinee will have an mv with five girls, not just one that the whole group chases/pines after/stares at

anyway what a waste of striped shirts and a malt shop!!!!!!

this video should just have been the group trying to teach jonghyun how to ride a bike. i don't need boys to meet me, i need to see jjong wobbling around and yelping while minho yells at him like a triathlon coach and ontarkey sit around eating
 
Then this devolved/evolved into thinking about Jonghyun clattering around with training wheels and burrowing into the sand with Roo.

I'M SO HUNGRY AND CRANKY ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

wrt Pacific Rim crossovers: 

(crazed jjong stan mode) jjong and sodam, except sodam has a talent and passion for the science/research side of the kaiju resistance and doesn't want to be a pilot and jjong obviously respects her wishes 400000% but there's no one as drift compatible w him, until [idk, insert person of the otp of your choice, i don't have strong feelings abt this part lol]. mostly i enjoy the thought of jjong wandering around the shatterdome w roo tucked under his arm looking for max the bulldog and taking pictures of everything lol
 
I don't really care about Pacific Rim, but I care about anything automatically if Jonghyun is involved. This is how it is inside the pasta bowl that is my stan brain. 

Jonghyun is such a supportive person. He is a great sunbae to Exo and f(x), with his tweets and his showers of compliments and attention and fond fondness. He is like that toward his members too, and his family and whoever else. His devotion and straightforward affection for people, sigh ;~~~;!! If he likes a person, he throws himself behind them so totally. ilh
kerpingtack: kinomoto sakura: qt windblown aviator (it's fun~?)
Square candies that look round!

This was written May 31 and I never finished it and I have come to accept that this is the final state, so I'm just posting it now. Also I'm aware that my ~entries usually don't have any themes or whatnot. idk what constitutes a finished entry. It's just something that I am satisfied with, with some kind of personal closure or packaging of thoughts. 

songs
Hong Kyungmin - 순정 (Genuine) (live Koyote cover, IMS2 120721) [LQ youtube rip]
Final Fantasy (Owen Pallett) - Furniture
SNSD - Express 999
Panic! at the Disco - Mad As Rabbits
Devin Townshend - Sit in the Mountain
Kim Jonghyun - 시간이 늦었어 (It's Late) (live SHINee Day event 130525) [dl
Belle & Sebastian - String Bean Jean
Anni Rossi - Machine
The Go! Team - Huddle Formation
Moxy Früvous - Green Eggs & Ham (live at Amherst)
Dal Shabet - Pink Rocket

I read tons and tons of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle fic this week. My appetite is huge, I will just tear through a fandom and its underbrush reading all the fic I can find lol. There's a lottt of good stuff though. Everything by Klitch, Mikkeneko, shadow-of-egypt, aliferlia...

annoying self-involved things
I wonder if I tell myself stuff like "you're ugly" to convince myself of my unlikeliness for success, which in turn justifies my fear. If my self-doubt is justified, then my failure is guaranteed, then I don't have to try.

What does it even matter if I'm ugly or not? My train of thought: Because if I am, then it means that I have nothing, not even a nice shell, worthy of time or attention. And it means that the outside matches the inside. It doesn't make sense but it ~feels~ right haha. It's such a dumb thing to think about, but shamefully enough, I DO think about it, literally multiple times everyday. This presupposes that ~being ugly~ is an objective state to begin with. And if I try to spin it, like, "if I'm ugly TO ME" - that falls apart too, because I'll always be ugly TO ME, because... if I'm not, then...?

It's hard to think about these things, because just by thinking them, it makes them truer or stronger. Words are spells, and all that. If I say "I dislike myself" then it becomes something I can lean on, depend on, base other things around. Which is in part why I say it: I need something about myself of which to be certain, and I need a way to locate myself in the world. Or else I just feel so vague and formless and lost.

Maybe I feel scared of my potential. Or my own happiness. They're bundled inexorably with their opposites - failure, unhappiness. Thinking "I don't have any potential" is easier than trying. And I stay moored to that thought, because in my experience, trying is just humiliating and painful. I never had a payoff good enough to justify that risk. And I don't have the faith or strength in life to pursue things on principle. I keep my world small and manageable, and I try to stamp down the unhappiness that comes from that, because I don't want to be backed into a corner where I HAVE to fight for myself. If I don't mind it that much, then it's okay, I don't have to change or act. I don't want to be in turmoil. I don't want each inhale to press tears out of me.

I just made myself feel sad and hopeful and fragile just reading through my /quotes tag on my fucking tumblr. So many of these quotes are about how to let go, how to love in a way that doesn't harm yourself. But I can't let go of things because I feel like I have so little; if I let go, I won't have even that anymore. I've thought so much, I put myself in a deadlock every which way.

Elliptically relatedly, I realized that I am very drawn to story arcs where the character finds it within themselves to live for themselves. "In a dream you saw a way to survive and you were full of joy." See: Fai from Tsubasa. Sanzo from Saiyuki, in his Burial arc story, counts for me too. I don't know how to articulate things further. "An interesting way of life, deny yourself the benefits of being alive."

AND BECAUSE ALL ROADS LEAD TO JONGHYUN: This is why I love Jonghyun. To cry a lot, to laugh a lot, to quietly give yourself confidence. To love the world and the people around you, including yourself in that love. It's such a difficult thing for me, unfathomably brave.
kerpingtack: cute drawing of japanese candy: pink blue white (bauble crie)


[fan]when you photograph fans what thoughts do you have??ㅎㅎ it's not as if you're just taking pictures [for no reason]ㅎ are you taking pictures for your memories?^^!
 
[Jonghyun]I take them just 'cause I'm afraid I'll get too used to it*, and sometimes when I see [the fans] I become thankful ㅎ
*익숙하다 = to be familiar, accustomed, used to it



종현이가 노래하는걸 오래오래 보고싶다

보면서 속상하다 못해 화까지 나서 보던걸 꺼버렸었다.
앞부분을 놓쳐 상받는 종현이를 보려고 영상을 다운받으면서도 다신 안봐야겠다 싶었었다.
그래도 종현이는 너무 예쁘고 귀엽고 사랑스러웠다...눈 꼭 감고 노래하는 모습이 너무 감사하고 고마웠다.
 
에스엠에선 우리 샤이니가 이만큼 해요 라고 보여주고 싶었던 것 같은데 무대에서 맡은 역할을 보면
우리 종현이가 이만큼 해요 라고 보여주고 싶었던 걸로 밖엔 보이지 않는다.
한두번도 아니고 매 앨범 타이틀마다 왜 파트도 점점 많아지고 고음은 점점 높아지는지..왜 종현이에게 요구하는 것들이 점점 늘어가는지..
제발 다음앨범엔 종현이가 좀 더 편하게 무대할 수 있는 노래를 들고 나왔으면 좋겠다.
http://lo9ve3r4s48.blog.me/150158491973

I want to see Jonghyun singing for a long long time

While watching [the GDAs] I got so sad then I couldn't [be sad], I even got angry and I turned off what I watched.
Even though earlier I downloaded the video to see what I missed, Jonghyun getting the award, I don't want to watch it again.
Still, Jonghyun is so pretty and cute and lovely...I'm so grateful and thankful for the image/aspect of [him] singing with his eyes closed tight.

In SM it seemed like our SHINee was told to do all this much and wanted to show it* but when [you] see the roles on the stage
you can only see our Jonghyun being told to do all this much and wanting to show it.
It's not just once or twice, but every album on each title [track], why does he get more parts more and more, and the notes get higher more and more..why do the demands on Jonghyun go more and more...
Please, it would be good if a song that Jonghyun could perform more comfortably came out on the next album.
*this phrasing is really awkward, I know... I can't figure out a better way to translate it. I don't understand it completely either. ;;



이젠 종현이를 모르는 사람들이 불쌍하기까지 하다.
이렇게 예쁘고 사랑스럽고 멋있고 다정하고 귀여운 사람을 평생 모르고 살다니...
http://lo9ve3r4s48.blog.me/150159729871

Now I even pity people who don't know Jonghyun.
To think of living a lifetime not knowing a person this pretty and lovely and cool and sweet and cute...



다른 사람 말할때 눈 맞춰주고 고개 끄덕여주고 꼬박꼬박 리액션해주고
멤버들이 장난쳐도 웃으면서 받아주고 너무너무 다정하신 우리 오빠
우리 오빠는 마음이 예쁘셔서 얼굴도 이렇게 아름다우신가봐*/ㅅ\*
http://lo9ve3r4s48.blog.me/150161330261

When other people are talking he matches their eyes (makes eye contact) and nods his head and promptly gives reactions for them
And when the members tease/mess around, he takes it while laughing, our so, so sweet oppa
Because our oppa's heart is pretty, it must be [why] his face is this beautiful too*/ㅅ\*



내가 시간이 없어서 스케줄을 제대로 챙기지 못하는 날이 오다니..
그래도..나보다 더 바쁘시고 피곤하실텐데도 이렇게나 눈부신 오빠님을 보고 있으면 저절로 힘이난다.
인간비타민! 걸어다니는 비타민!
http://lo9ve3r4s48.blog.me/150162243711

Because I didn't have time, a day where I couldn't keep up/prepare my schedule properly has come..
Still..though he is probably busier and more tired than me, if I look at oppa-nim who is this blinding, I automatically get strength.
Human vitamin! Walking around vitamin!




THESE ARE EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ;~~; Also, click all the links for pages of huge beautiful gifs ;~~;
kerpingtack: olive: the only part of the show i liked (hard to say harder to feel)
steep collapse. I worked myself into a total frenzy and deactivated my twitter for now. I don't know what I want out of this. It's not like I don't want people to talk to me, or I don't want to talk to people. It's much more that I don't WANT to want those things, and the easiest way to void that desire is to shut off the possibility.  

I am really, really, really a petty and selfish person. I mean, all of this is a stunt for attention, but I am too embarrassed to own up to it or to leave myself open to an honest dialogue about it. So it's just me yelling PLEASE NOTICE ME!! BUT NO FOLLOW UP QUESTIONS!! THANK YOU. 

What follows is that, I am really sad... also, extremely uncannily good at alienating people and making them feel awkward and unwanted. At best it's a self-fulfilling prophecy; I pretty much always expect people to get tired of me (because I always feel like I've tricked them into liking me for whatever reason in the first place), so when I see signs of disinterest I flip out and start distancing of my own initiative. At worst, it's just the poison in my personality and I am in fact totally unlikable and faulty as a human being. But either way I tend to treat to people around me like shit to preserve a stale, but familiar, sense of safety. It's times like this that I realize I haven't grown at all. This selfish heart. It gets smaller by the month probably. 

In less messy, ugly matters; I am still really sad about Jonghyun's car accident. I don't know. It's not a serious injury but just the news of it, the idea that he is hurt AGAIN, hospitalized AGAIN (especially in this year, now, after health became such an important thing to him), being lampooned and criticized and mocked AGAIN; it finally broke something clean off inside me. I saw a k-fansite master say something to this effect on twitter, "it hurts to not be able to help you." There's something about the overwhelming uncontrollable nature of it, how cyclical and repetitive it seems. That with each turn of the cycle, it only gets worse. I'm just so tired. Because Jonghyun really does mean a lot to me, and I'm not balanced to be cool about anything concerning him. The constant negativity hurts me and makes me legitimately angry. I go straight deep, I take it all to heart. It's worse because (or part and parcel of) I'm also aware... paranoid... no, aware... that people judge me for it, or otherwise get tired of it. And I keep it in mind because I do think I need that awareness to keep myself in check. To keep myself from annoying others and being an element that makes fandom weary to them, the same way the objects of my derision are to me. But what's the point? It just draws out the process of people getting tired. I am so tired. 
kerpingtack: corgi in the water (kissu_u)
un-privating old unfinished entries because they are never going to get finished. I am positive that I had stuff to talk about, and equally positive that my head is just a sieve. Or a wicker basket with no handles, and every time I try to put something new in, something else falls out, and when I stoop down to pick it up, something else falls out. And I can't let anything go so instead of straightening up and walking forward like a normal person, I'm just stooping over constantly. WOW I AM KING GOOD AT METAPHORRS

How much of caring is habit? (Someone make every word a different font, slap that on a pastel background, and post it to tumblr.) But really. I want to think that caring is just pure emotion, but it's a choice. And sometimes I do think that feelings follow actions, in that if you decide not to do things, the emotions associated with that just never emerge. I become less interested in SHINee/kpop fandom by the day. I still really like them but it's hard to stay interested when everything depresses me. Fandom is only going to get worse.
kerpingtack: jonghyun rdd mubank win: nonstop perfect faces (let's feel it a bit)
my annoying live tweets of the first episode of SHINee's Wonderful Day / One Fine Day from last night. as always translations are loose and full of holes ;ㅈ;

(link to full - sub of the first part)

kerpingtack: kinomoto sakura: qt windblown aviator (it's fun~?)
I really love Jonghyun's Idol Superband cover, 아주 오래된 연인들. I've been listening to it on loop this morning. His voice is full of feeling, each phrase considered, curling with warmth at the edges. Floaty and rich at once~ I only dislike the high pitch near the end. And he's so fun to watch; he's in constant motion because he has to move with the music lol. King charming ㅎㅅㅎ

And of course, SHINee were amazeballs in their Sherlock performance in the same Gayo.

I'm so bored and listless!! This new bout of Onew Stans Causing Trouble for the Fandom is really wearing on me. I wish there was a bubble in the internet where I could have enough distance to see this kind of bullshit and laugh, but those people are everywhere and thus the bubble is impossible. 
kerpingtack: i'm a poseur about this i've only seen the cartoon twice (hepcat)
I just feel like posting!! Everyone ignore this. It is just me copy+pasting all my non-mentions, non-links from twitter today. (For the record, I am not really interested in One Direction; I just like lurking around people I lurked around in bandom, and using the group as a mirror for SHINee, and I like Zayn. boybandatron!!) 


wurr and turr )


OKAY ALSO the Postal Service (the band, not the actual postal service just btw) is making me feel old. I remember listening to Give Up in high school, junior year English specifically even, and now they are coming back with a new album, which is neat-o, except they said "TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY." WHAT THE FUCK, I didn't need to know that!!!! Just shut up and do your job, Postal Service!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven't knitted at all today :c
kerpingtack: mizuno ami & kino makoto chibi fanart (tired of studying)
One of the great mysteries of the universe to me is both why Onew has that many fans, and why Onew has the fans he does. I understand different strokes for different folks make the world go round etc, but this is a total epidemic with no end in sight. 2013: get out of the fandom forever!

take two!!

Jan. 12th, 2013 09:59 pm
kerpingtack: olive: the only part of the show i liked (hard to say harder to feel)
So I accidentally backspaced the page instead of text and dreamwidth didn't save my draft!! Too frustrated to rewrite my deep thoughts and hard work ("What the hell did I do today? What am I doing with my life?")

I hate this horrible fucking fandom, part 3241239874091834730291:

I FUCKING HATE TUMBLR. Why won't people STOP. EDITING. 

It's just a whole culture of disrespect. They don't care where anything is from. They don't ask for permission. They crop out the original tags or watermarks. They don't credit. It's.... l;kqwejr. 

And in the past few weeks, SO MANY k-fansites have called out people, SPECIFICALLY tumblr, and said repeatedly not to edit or crop out logos. Just from what I've seen this week: Justaemin, kimkeyfan, Ideal Boy. But everyone is tired and stressed out about how to protect their work; other fansites have replied to relate and offer support/advice, like Something Special and King Jonghyun. Must Romantic for a while stopped uploading fancams to youtube after people kept reuploading their videos without permission. And Ideal Boy is closing their website temporarily now. 

A lot of ifans completely take kfans and fansites for granted. These are fellow fans that we depend on in a very big way. Why would you turn around and treat them with so much disrespect, when they provide all this media for us? Like. It comes FROM THEM. FROM these other fans. I swear ifans have no sense of community, especially on tumblr; just cliques of self-aggrandizing posturing. Why are these children so horrible??!?? Insulated brats. Ughhhhh. 
kerpingtack: jonghyun juliette rajvithi home for girls in thailand (SHOUJO ANIME)
I started this entry in late September and I'm digging it up now for my incredibly half-assed nablopomo'tion.

Do it anyway!

I want to buy Ben Folds Five's new CD but I have no monies. Indeedly do. 

My cat has been sick since late September and I've been very stressed out. Just marking that in here. 

Quick! Catch all the little foxes before they ruin the vineyard of your love, for the grapevines are all in blossom. - Song of Songs 2:15

It probably means something douchey since it's from the Bible but just on its own, I think it sounds nice lol. Quick! Catch all the little foxes! The vineyard of your loooove!

My desire to make myself proactive and to make myself grow up sends out all these misfired signals. Really I just end up saddling myself with responsibility that I don't need. Like feeling guilty for making a mistake while driving. Or not wanting people to wish happiness for me because I don't want to disappoint them by continuing to be unhappy/failing to be happy. And that's a problem too, thinking of happiness as an end state to achieve. It makes the concept so accessible though. 

I'm ten (if the bathroom scales are wrong) to twenty (if they're right) pounds underweight right now. I look and feel gross a lot. But eating is a chore. I'm tired (because I didn't eat) and basically I ask myself "is basic upkeep worth it?" The answer is no. Also sometimes I feel like things are way too tight-knitted in my head, where everything is connected to something else. So eating entails getting up, thinking about what I want, making a decision, preparing the food, cleaning up. But while I'm "on" I should do other stuff, like get dressed. Wash the dishes. Clean the floor. I should floss, I should exercise, I should write, I should comment, I should check my email, I should call people, I should look more seriously for a job... Like, all those things are so connected, in unstoppable sequence to me. And if I avoid the most basic task - eat - then it's like, how am I ~ever~ meant to get started with everything else? I don't have the energy! Because I haven't eaten! If I can't even feed myself, how am I supposed to do anything else?

idk if this "theory" really makes sense though lol. If there's food in front of me, I'll eat it without problem. It's just that I can't get started on my own. 

re: New Girl. ugh I had a whole thing typed up but I backspaced the page instead of text on accident and I lost it so I don't feel like it anymore. Don't like Jess, not a huge fan of Nick, like everyone else. Also, I really dislike the random racist jokes. (ex: The Lizzie Caplan character, who was a straight character and not meant to be seen as a douche, talking on the phone to her Asian coworker and saying shit about chopsticks and Confucius say? Like literally, she said "Confucius say." What the fuck.)

Onew sucks and his stans are the worst. I legit judge people who really like him. Experience is on my side here. 

so damn sleepy z__z
kerpingtack: mizuno ami & kino makoto chibi fanart (tired of studying)
No one ever writes stuff I want to read, ie SHINee (Jonghyun) raise a litter of kittens. I would even settle for them (him) raising just one kitten. Life is very cruel to me.

omg I just tried to post this. Just those three sentences!! I think everything is like twitter now. It's a wonder I don't
like this.
typing
actually start

Better twitter than tumblr though!! God what have I become. idk now I just feel stupid whenever I talk. It's like delivering a monologue but I don't have anything to say. I guess I'll just mumble to myself.

Rereading old fic and as usual it's making me feel giddy/sad/nervous.

Wow I really can't get back into this. It's like all ~topic sentences and I don't know how to elaborate. Well hopefully muscle memory will kick in. ;~;
kerpingtack: astronaut cat's school picture (deep space turtle chase)
Internet, let me tell you something. I have had two hours of sleep and I will be at work until 6 PM. Then I will have to go to a church meeting then we will drive two hours to my aunt's house. why do I make the choices I make? w h y D: While I was propped up in my bed trying for like three minutes to hook on my bra in complete brain-dead stupor, I started thinking about what I would say if a Korean news site interviewed me about Hallyu and whether anyone would care if I referred to my hometown as the countryside. And then I imagined the netizen comments. Oh, the netizen comments!!

omg I am so fucking insensate right now. The two days ago I got four hours of sleep, also just for no fucking reason.

You know how sometimes you wake up with a song, or just a sound in your head, and it's like BLARING at you?? I have "deep space tu-u-urtle cha-a-ase" in my head. It's some jingle for the RPG my brother plays. omg. Who can help me? Can I be helped?!

These holiday cards are so late they don't make sense anymore. Maybe I'll say they're for the lunar new year though they'll be late for that as well.

Here is my favorite flavor of jjongtaem, weirdos being weirdos together.

hard rock cafee )

Yes this means that I did a gifspam at the office. Blocking the screen with my entire body. There is nothing for me to do. Why did I sleep so late, why, WHY DID I DO IT.
kerpingtack: startling blue lake with cliffs idk what's in the water looks like sushi (cutaway)
I meant to post this like a week ago but uh I didn't. Also I'm trying to do this on my phone lol there's some stuff that's tedious to add so please anticipate a shit ton of vacous edits later~

I liked these things:

Dancing Queen audition

Kang Minkyung (Davichi)
타타타 (Ta Ta Ta) I really like this
사랑 사랑 사랑 (Love Love Love) this was surprising and really so good (w/ the interview at the beginning)

Ali
얄미운 사람 (Hateful Person) she is a great performer, whoa. also 'hateful' is not the exact word but it's hard to translate according to my mom lol
새벽비 (Early Rain) when she performs it really feels like she's doing exactly what she was born to do. great great voice, great confidence, great everything
킬리민자로의 표범 (Kilimanjaro Leopard)

Hyorin (Sistar)
edit: 비 내리는 영동교 (Rain on Youngdong Bridge) this is more or less a straight cover, but it's different from both what we've heard from her and what we've seen on the show in general, and she sounds really lovely [edit: my mom said it was the name of a bridge lol]
edit마음이 고와여지 (The Heart Must Be Good Too?) 

I haven't watched IMS2 since Jonghyun left (my attention span is super short and I am biased as fuck) so the only thing I'd watched of the show since then was 2PM's Junsu's Wait a Minute and Sistar's Hyorin's Miniskirt, both of which I liked a lot. I feel like the women really make this show. Also the contestants have really been scaled up. The very first set were are pretty young and were all definitely idols. The batch on the latest episodes have generally been older, soloists, and just a lot more mature and experienced. It's great to watch. (I think the hosts have gotten more annoying though. I hate when they edit cuts of them saying stupid obnoxious shit in the middle of a performance with the laugh track and everything. :|) It's made me realize how fun it is when the competition is really good, like when the skill level is comparable so what really makes a difference is the energy and emotion and creativity.

They really gave up on the 'proving idols can sing' concept, right? Because the idols they do have on are not quite uhhh the logical choices. It's kind of a waste because idols are so controlled and you don't get to see them making a lot of creative decisions. And I think being in a pool with people a lot better can be helpful and inspiring, as long as it's not hopelessly overwhelming.

And um everything is SHINee: omg I'm really nervous for Taemin. The current cast outclasses him, and the majority of all idols, by so much. He's going to look sf hapless just like all the reaction shots they keep putting in of Infinite's Woohyun looking worried and/or dumbfounded all the time lol.

The other thing that's really nice about the show is that you can hear that these older songs are actually very well-written. LOL backhanded compliment~? idk I get headaches when I listen to some of the originals because they just sound sf dated lol and the instrumentals are too loud and it's annoying. But these clean good interpretations are legit refreshing. They're good songs! 

blah blah )

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